to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

People need to say that only the childs friends are invited, parents need to stay when they bring siblings and the Yuck bin is uncalled for as why would anyone make children eat from a bin

What a bloody good idea.
Good on the party mum.
And the CF mum can get to fuck.

People need to say that only the childs friends are invited

but only the invited child is invited? or 'all dc from class R2' which also don't include siblings.

I am still surprised that PP think the host mum did this as a deliberate attempt to humiliate the CF’s kids. I must of missed it plus this is not a first hand story so unless OP asked the mum directly, how’d she know?

For all those jumping on the mum for deliberately feeding the CF’s kids from a vomit bucket. My own girl used to think the poop emoji was hilarious and would stick it on anything. It’s puerile humour and it is not something that appeals to me. I can see how this bucket came to be labeled the way it is though. And my Dd would even choose to eat food /swap food out of this bucket if it were wrapped and she wanted what was there.

Did the mum thrust half eaten food at them saying ‘this is all you deserve? I doubt it.

Did the mum give uninvited and not catered for kids still wrapped, untouched food, from a receptacle used to collect it? The OP was not there so who knows, she might have even said ‘ could everyone share one thing off their plate for (insert names) ’ Yes.

But because it was a bucket and labeled with ‘yuck bucket’ at a kids party probably meant to be fun way to discard wrapped and completely edible food - you feel it is deliberately dehumanizing and mean?

If I went to the trouble of individual lunch boxes, I would have no spares either because I would be trying to not waste food. Not one person attending my parties would think to leave uninvited children. And I was not living in Britain at the time and am not actually British.

I don’t get this taking a sibling along, they aren’t invited so why take them!!!
It works because people are too polite to say anything.
Whilst I think party mum took it out on the wrong people (although the kids will never gatecrash again!) I can see her frustration.

I heard of one recently where it was a small home party, so only close friends invited. And the mum is still getting sibling requests.

It’s bloody crackers and I don’t know where the assumption comes from.

I don’t understand the issue, the host mum had the children put untouched food they don’t like in a clean container labelled a bin to make the children laugh? People do realise it wasn’t as actual bin full of dirty tissues and rotten food??
She was probably intending to take it home afterwards but had to give it up for the CF uninvited! So I think she showed great problem solving during which was probably a very stressful situation (trying to run a party and accommodate unexpected guests!!)

Sorry! ‘must have’ missed that. Not must of.

I think you're right. They are all arseholes!

Dumping an uninvited kid at a party is outrageously rude and cheeky. Not catering to small children at a party is just awful. The way to deal with it would have been to say firmly when the parents brought the children that it was invited kids only. Not to take it out on the children themselves.

Confused by why hosting parents would not just say with butter wouldn't melt smile as the guests arrived with sibblings in tow, "Oh sorry, you can't leave little Maisey as well, we've only catered for the class" and just not let it happen. Disappointed younger sibbling but that's really not the host's fault. Very bizarre.

I expect @FreshStart01 CF mum knows how to play it. Turn up with a load of other mums and kids, in the craziness of greetings, excited squealing kids you don't know whose kids are whose. I bet CF just turned heel and left, knowing full well she would be in the car and off before host realised she had more kids than expected.
CF has it off to a tee I bet!

Kid not everyone can afford to feed the extras and pay their entrance. What about the CFs who not only bring the extra kid but stay themselves and help themselves to food? Depending on activities it's not always possible to supervise this and tactfully remind Greedy Twats it's not an all you can eat.

I also think that as kids get older the concept of "you must always share " needs managing a bit as actually, I don't think that's true.

Slight derail but is anyone else going to be on the lookout for a version of the Yuck Bin at parties this week?! How to spot a fellow MNer

and in addition cf mum has never replied to rsvp therefore party host doesn't have the phone no to call her

I really don't get why parents would drop off siblings like that to a party they are not invited to.

2 hours free childcare, with the added bonus that child is fed and entertained.

I told DD that when she's older and has DC and therefore parties, I'll be more than happy to act as bouncer at the door 😁

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.*

Because you’re happy to be a doormat and the kids didn’t go hungry...

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

Had the guests put items that they didn’t want that she as the host individually wrapped and prepared for them in a separate box and gave the uninvited children those.. again they didn’t go hungry and she had catered for the guests.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh

Again.. you’re happy to enable cheeky people such as this while gossiping about a situation you weren’t even there for.

Your pearl-clutching about a bin with a emoji on it is ridiculous.

People need to stop going on about the bin.

OP wrote that her friend said the bin was clean, and that the food was wrapped. No child was given half eaten, dirty food.

As a pp said, breadbins are for clean food.
And in any case, OP wasn't at the party, and her friend who was, was probably not there the whole time and so all of this is just speculation.

No way did that mum set out to humiliate the uninvited children, it's just been blown out of proportion.

Multicolour

But it was called a 'Yuck Bin' with a vomiting emoji, wasn't it? And not a 'bread bin'.

Making children eat out of a 'yuck bin' with a vomiting emoji has an imo slightly uncomfortable 'whiff' of intentionally humiliating children...

Taking uninvited children to a party is an appalling way to behave. I’m a granny now, but if anyone had done this when my children were young, they would have been sent home, politely, but none the less, sent home. You’re basically just a babysitting service, with the added benefit of providing food! You shouldn’t have to put notes on the invitations reminding people it is for the invited child only, that’s ridiculous. Perhaps I’m just way behind the times!! None of my kids have this with their kids parties. Surely it takes away the “ specialness “ for the birthday child 😟. Yes, the yuck bin sounds vile, it’s not the children’s faults they’ve got parents who take liberties. Just say no next time, because your children will start to notice their birthday parties are surrounded by friction.

CravingCheese Rubbish, the emoji was most likely done as a joke with her own DC, and not with any intent to humiliate. My own DC, and their friends in primary school would have seen it as funny.

Nobody was forcing anyone to eat out of the " yuck bin" the mother was just saying help.yourself or not to unwanted food items ,some posters are being ridiculous ,no body's humiliating or emotionally abusing children ,but you know if you don't want your kids to be put in that situation don't see them to them to somewhere they are not invited

Planning a party and thinking that you'll have extra food / party bags is pandering to CFs. No wonder they're on the rise.

I think many young children especially boys would not be phased by the yuk bin, if it activekey enjoy it. Look at toxic waste sweets!

I think it’s par for the course that at some point as a parent if you do big all class parties then yes siblings will be brought along too, it is however annoying and inconsiderate. I’ve learnt over the years to over cater and write siblings welcome on the invite.

I don’t like the way the yuck bucket makes me feel, I wouldn’t of done that something about it really doesn’t sit right with me.

Team Party Mum.

If you hold a party somewhere busy it's really easy for CF to drop and run before you realise they have left extra children. It happened at one of DDs parties - I rang the mum and she said she would be back shortly but she slunk in at the end of the party instead. Another parent at another party called me unkind for asking her to pay entrance for the sibling (who I had never met by the way), she whined it was only a tenner. I told her I couldn't afford it and she had to pay or take the child. She took the sibling away with her but bitched and moaned about me for weeks in the playground. These parents are the ones who are mucking up their kids by leaving them as uninvited guests just so they can have a brief break - that teaches the kid that the mum would rather leave them in an awkward situation rather than spend time with them. In the long term it loses them friends and future parties, because neither of those children got another invite from me or from the other parents who their parents tried it on with.

I don't think the Yuck Bucket was deliberately targeted at the CFs kids, it's the kind of thing my kids would have come up with themselves. I can't believe the CF had the audacity to argue with the party mum when her kids had taken part in all the paid activities, been fed (clean wrapped) food when they weren't even invited and she knew that.

I have questions....
Were the uninvited kids classmates of the party kid with a bitter, entitled mother, or siblings of an invited guest?
(Have has both scenarios happen, btw...)
Was the entry fee paid by the CF mother?
Does CF mother have form for doing this?
Did they bring a fabulous gift/any gift at all?

Whether the yuck bin mum intended it as a joke or not...
It seems fairly horrible to me. And a joke that involves children who may or may not be in on it sounds more like bullying to me but sure, 'it's just a joke'.