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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

658 replies

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji Shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

OP posts:
Zeldasmagicwand · 04/11/2019 18:16

@Localocal. ‘emotional abuse’?

WTF planet are you on?

You’re either a CF parent yourself or someone who doesn’t get out much because you have zero concept of what being abusive really means. Hmm

Ginburee · 04/11/2019 18:18

An interesting post, we have hosted many parties and have never had siblings left, nor would I tolerate it.
Do parents ask if they can leave them, or just leave them? The answer is no.
If someone says I had to bring a sibling is it ok for them to play, yes that is as someone has not come so there is space- or no as we are up to numbers.
It would have been more appropriate to ask the children on the table to pass along what they don't want but totally acceptable not to be expected to feed them, really CF parents.

If I have had another sibling with me I stay and provide own snacks.

csigeek · 04/11/2019 18:20

YABU, unless the food was chewed and spat out.
It's beyond rude to dump uninvited children at a party. Frankly it's rude to dump invited children without asking if that's ok! What if something happened? What if the party parent didn't have your contact details?
I absolutely love that's how she dealt with it and hope it made all the dumper parents think twice about being ignorant twats.

ButteryGarlic · 04/11/2019 18:22

'Uninvited kids eat untouched wrapped up food' shocker. The drama on this thread is ridiculous. Anyone who has mentioned the words 'trauma', 'abuse', 'humiliation' or anything else along those lines needs to get a grip.

...and no, before someone "witty" comes along with their very original comment, I am not the party mum.

Tessabelle74 · 04/11/2019 18:22

Putting the food on a tray would have been fine, dumping uninvited kids is not!

mbosnz · 04/11/2019 18:23

Is it emotional abuse to commit child abandonment, in the guise of dumping them uninvited and unwanted at a children's party?

Witchend · 04/11/2019 18:24

When I'd done parties often we did do a named party box of food. I found we had less waste that way. So I would just have had nothing to give an uninvited sibling.
I wonder if that would have been thought better or worse.

Never had uninvited siblings though. although dd once didn't want to invite her brother Grin

LauraRo · 04/11/2019 18:25

Sounds like a waste management strategy that on the fly turned into a way to feed the unexpected kids. Yuck bin to gather up all the unwanted food (before it all gets mashed about) and then that was offered to the other kids. We're missing so much context here it sounds tough to make an informed judgement. Which is a shame because Judge Mental is my favourite alter ego.

phoenixrosehere · 04/11/2019 18:28

As I said before though, I am surprised at the number of posters who think the host mum is a legend or ballsy for taking her frustration out on kids.

But did she though? Parents of said kids left them there without asking and she was left to forage for some extra food. She could have easily given them nothing since they weren’t invited in the first place or ignored them. It is not on her to provide for children that weren’t invited or have extras for the off chance some parents decide to be cheeky and leave their uninvited children there. She did what was necessary. It was not only rude of those parents who left their uninvited children but unfair to those who were invited. It would be unfair to expect those children that were invited to give up the bits that were specifically for them to compensate for the others. She did the right thing.

The person who took out their frustration on a child was the cheeky mum who made the birthday girl cry.

Mummmmyof2 · 04/11/2019 18:29

I think the unreasonable ones are the mothers that bring the uninvited children, I would tell them at the start that the siblings are not able to stay as it's not a creche, it's my childs party for children that my child wants to invite. As for the "bin"...I find no issue with it, the kids should not have been there and food shouldn't be provided for un wanted extras...so if someone dumped their kid on me and wanted them fed then yeah they would have had the unwanted in eaten food

Iriahm · 04/11/2019 18:32

I just don’t get people who take their other kids uninvited to a party? That’s unbelievably rude and would stop me hosting larger all-class events. Those parents are total freeloaders/parasites.

As for the yuck bucket. Good on the mum. She’s having to feed uninvited kids so instead of extra expense she is sharing the food out. I bet the kids with extra siblings didn’t bring multiple gifts. Absolute CF. I’d be furious if it was my kids party and refuse siblings.

icedgem85 · 04/11/2019 18:33

That’s weird and a dick move - she should have just said no, I’m sorry. It’s really shitty when people do that, and just as bad when they don’t RSVP. For my kids’ birthday party I said bring siblings but let me know how many kids you’re bringing so they all get a party bag, and provided Prosecco for parents so most stayed - which was good because the kids could escape into the park from the venue - but EIGHTEEN extras showed up. Including 4 who didn’t bring so much as a card. Cheeky fuckers, indeed!! But not the kids’ fault.

FrancisCrawford · 04/11/2019 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phoenixrosehere · 04/11/2019 18:36

Invitations should state only children invited will be allowed to be left.

So an invitation that is addressed to a specific child needs to also say this?

Ridiculous.

If a party invitation for an adult is addressed to a specific person, do you assume you can just show up with an extra person? Highly doubt it, so why the need for a child’s party?

OneTwoThreeDoeRayMe · 04/11/2019 18:38

Wow, really uncool of the hostess to take the parents' rudeness out on the children. That borders on emotional abuse.

😂

True, if by 'bordering', you mean Ireland borders USA. Grin

FrancisCrawford · 04/11/2019 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jwpetal · 04/11/2019 18:41

it was clear on the invite. It had the child's name on it. It did not say to x and his siblings. That is how an invite is written. To put this on the birthday child's parent is not fair. As for the yuck bin, I think it is a good idea. I have gone to so many parties where very good food has been thrown out. yes, I agree a bad choice of sign but really it was to be funny for the birthday party participants. as for making food/boxes for the uninvited...well that is a shame but their mother is awful.

justrestinginmybankaccount · 04/11/2019 18:42

Ahhh that’s a bit unreasonable of the host mum...

I’m a single mum of two and it can be awkward when one is invited and I’ve nobody to leave the other one with. I always ask if the second one can come, and I it’s a t Avenue I offer to pay for the second. Often it’s completely ok. Another time it was met with sorry but no - and that was completely fine too.

I’ve hosted lots of parties where I have to pay per head. I factor it in some parents will ask to bring sibs and that’s ok - many offer to pay but I’m ok with carrying the cost.

My peeve is when people don’t turn up and don’t tell me - one family of four failed to show and I was charged 40 pounds! That cost could have been easily avoided.

I don’t know how these parents are getting it so wrong. Just ask! And then respect!

I wouldn’t have fed the kids from a yucky bucket!!

Catastrophejane · 04/11/2019 18:46

I don’t think I’d be able to do that to young kids- it’s not their fault.

However, the parents who leave uninvited kids ABU. This happens at my DC’s party every bloody year! Saying RSVP also provides ample opportunity for parents to ask about extra kids, but guess what? The ones who bring extra kids never bother to rsvp either!!

Can anyone shed any light on this? Who the hell thinks it’s ok to leave siblings?

Anyone prepared to fess up to being a ‘sibling bringer’ ??

Alwayshangryhangry · 04/11/2019 18:55

Gross! It's like she was so certain she would get extra siblings that she went to the effort to creat this bin beforehand. Yes it was rude of the mum to dump the kids but completely disgusting to treat a child like this. Shame on her! I cant think of any way in which this would be funny! I have a party coming up. I havent made it obvious no siblings are allowed therefore i'll do spare boxes just in case. Simple

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 04/11/2019 18:58

It's some time since I hosted a child's party, but nobody would ever have brought along an uninvited child and left them. When my child was young enough that the parents of invited children would stay, sometimes they would have a younger sibling with them, but nobody ever thought that an invitation applied to their other children.

Perhaps more parents are cheeky fuckers than 10-15 years ago.

Winesalot · 04/11/2019 18:58

@justrestinginmybankaccount

I think at this party it was a drop child and come back and collect. I would understand at a party where parents were there too, if a single parent had other children and could not leave them. I don’t think that was the case here. Could be wrong though.

Cookies2015 · 04/11/2019 18:59

Well it got the attention of the dumper parents didn't it, extreme but this is an ongoing issue and they obviously are not getting the hint.
I think it's so abhorrently rude of the parents who are sending uninvited children without asking to be honest and expect them to be looked after and accommodated. So I get that it's a bit unconventional but actually it had an effect, the parent being peeved by this is BU and hopefully she'll think in future and it may have shamed her into not being such a CF. Also the food was fine and I imagine it may have been done in a jokey kind of way.

bakebeans · 04/11/2019 19:00

The mum should not have to be clear on the invites. It’s cheeky! You wouldn’t feel the need to do the same on a wedding invite by stating no uninvited guests.
I would have given them told them to share their siblings food if they were hungry.

Zoejj77 · 04/11/2019 19:02

Yuck bin? Wow just wow!