to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

@BloggersBlog you can change your vote by just clicking the one you wanted

I think it's mean out of the party parents to do that to a child. Why not just catch the parents of gate crashing kids before they left to tell them to take the uninvited kids with them or if they snuck off, phone or text them and tell them to come back and collect their kids

Ah really didnt know that thanks! I thought it was like the referendum and one vote for ever

I don't actually fear people disagreeing with me, about this or anything else why on earth would it matter?

As I said before though, I am surprised at the number of posters who think the host mum is a legend or ballsy for taking her frustration out on kids. But I find the difference of opinion interesting, not distressing.

As I said before though, I am surprised at the number of posters who think the host mum is a legend or ballsy

I wouldn’t have offered the uninvited kids anything. In fact I wouldn’t have acknowledged their presence in any way. If their mums made a decision to drop them off to a location and leave without organising any supervision for them, that’s their decision.

I don’t think the host was ballsy etc. She displayed, however, a refusal to accept deplorable manners which is admirable. To be honest, when dealing with people who have a complete lack of social etiquette, what she did was something they understood which is admirable too.

I've always wondered about when a kid has been abandoned uninvited at a party - what if the host (understandably in the stressful chaos that is a kid's party!) doesn't notice, and said child wanders off, or has an accident?

The host parent has not assumed a duty of care to that child, and the abandoning parent, whether they like it or not, has not abrogated their duty of care - but I can imagine them kicking up one hell of a stink if something happened to their offspring, even though they were so careless of their welfare.

I wouldn't describe the host mum as either a 'legend' or 'ballsy'. I think the truth is probably a lot closer to what Soupdragon has suggested - that she'd already made the bin as a fun thing with her kids, and had to think on her feet to feed the uninvited, uncatered-for children. It's not what I would have done but it's hardly going to scar them for life.

The CF mum is lucky that her children were looked after and and fed, quite frankly, and should take a long hard look at herself. I doubt this will make her (and her ilk) stop doing it though.

If the host mum was anything like me, and was doing it on her own or even just with one person to help, I would have forgotten to take the sign off the bucket.

I am sure the bucket would have gone down well with her kid and their friends if there wasn’t this issue. Obviously, or she wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t but each to their own.

But in keeping the party moving along and kids happy, I probably would have forgotten to remove the sign if I’d had to serve CF’s kids from it. I definitely would have tackled the CF parents dropping extra kids though, if I had caught them. I have never heard of such a thing.

I’m team Host Mum all the way.

Hopefully, the CF parents will think twice before palming their unwanted children off on a fraught party parent. But shitty parents like that rarely care about anyone other than themselves, even less their own children.

The horrible thing about this is she knew the siblings would be there so she went to the effort of humiliating them, printing emojis etc, rather than tell the parents NO. she's a fucking psycho.

Eh? I did not read that she knew they’d be there? I sure if she did she would have extra boxes.

The horrible thing about this is she knew the siblings would be there so she went to the effort of humiliating them, printing emojis etc, rather than tell the parents NO. she's a fucking psycho.

This mum was making a point loud, proud and clear here to the parents of said additional siblings. I totally get why she wanted to make a point about this, but it's a grim way to go about it in all honesty. It's not the fault of the extra kids and there was quite obviously going to be a scene with the parents afterwards. As you said, the birthday child was also left upset. Not good really from any way you look at it. The mother hosting the party could have said no to extra children as parents were dropping off, and like you mentioned, there could have been something clearly worded on the invitations. I'd have put a sign on the front door too! She spoiled her own child's party (she must have guessed what the outcome would be) to make her point, which is really sad for the birthday child. It's selfish. She was cruel to the extras to get at the parents which is also really childish.

@DeathStare & @CobaltLoafer
Did you never invite the children who entailed siblings ever again, or just cater for the extras next time or what?

I think that’s pretty horrible. It’s rude to leave uninvited siblings and I can’t get my head round parents doing that, but it’s not the kids faults. I’d just try to include them as much as I could.

I can't see the vote option, but I think that if the mother hadn't put yuk bucket or emoji it would've been a perfectly acceptable and clever way of feeding the extra kids, and the cf parents that dumped wouldn't have had anything (reasonable) to grumble about. But she took it a bit too far.

@KTheGrey

I invited said child but made it very clear the party was for her and her only. I also always either volunteered to drop her home myself or asked for another parent to do so and offered that

Perhaps the mother had already prepared the Yuck bin for the food that children didn't want. Given that the siblings were uninvited and therefore not planned for, perhaps this was the only receptacle she had to give those kids anything to eat? Dunno. Just a thought.
And incredibly rude to bring extra kids. I had that done to me once and the kid was an absolute nightmare to boot. At the end of the party we bought special ice creams for all the kids, and the extra sib (older) went ballistic when he couldn't have a different ice cream that was twice as big.

I think that’s pretty horrible. It’s rude to leave uninvited siblings and I can’t get my head round parents doing that, but it’s not the kids faults. I’d just try to include them as much as I could.

Sadly, this admirable attitude is why these parents continue to take the absolute piss, and quite frankly, potentially put their kids at risk.

Parents shouldn’t assume a party invite is for all of their children. Only the named guest should attend. It’s pretty obvious that it is rude to dump your kids at a party they have not been invited to. I like the bin idea. I’m sure it was done as a laugh. I’m sure the unwanted guests didn’t really complain (kids rarely complain when they are being fed). It sounds like one of the parents is the type who likes to kick off...even though they were in the wrong.

There is no voting option on the app - which surely most people in this day and age use.

Not sure why?

This is why I only throw kids parties at specific locations where you pay per head and give a list of children's name. Then the parents sign their children in and there's the awkward thing where they try and drop two kids and the staff member says "oh I don't have a Katie on the list" and the parents have to double back and say "oh no I'm only dropping off Fred, Katie is coming back with me" or something similar.

Wow, really uncool of the hostess to take the parents' rudeness out on the children. That borders on emotional abuse. I think if there is a problem at the school the hosting parent just needs to be very clear in the pre-party comms that only the invited child is invited.

A bit cowardly of the Mum not to tell the CFs that they can’t leave uninvited kids. I would have said ‘sorry I can’t accommodate your other child so I’d appreciate you taking them with you’ - grow up and tell these terrible parents that you are not running a crèche!

This is horrid, I would never do that to a child
This should have been resolved between the parents. Invitations should state only children invited will be allowed to be left.
Poor children how humiliating