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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

658 replies

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji Shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

OP posts:
RiotAndAlarum · 04/11/2019 12:44

you don't find anything wrong with an adult being petty enough to punish a univited child that can't help being there to give them food out of something called a yuck bin rather then a kinder sharing option just to punish the CF parents?

As parents, we all accept a certain amount of risk in allowing our children to go to parties and playdates under the care of other parents. I'd definitely pull back from facilitating a friendship if I felt uncomfortable about the parents or the set-up at home, and I'm willing to accept that perhaps the same would happen to me/ my children.

Mumofone1962 · 04/11/2019 12:45

If the mum is entitled enough to drop kids off who weren't invited, the children are understandably entitled too and complained to mum expecting a lunch box when they weren't invited.

The yuck bin was a fun idea and only innapropriate becuase some children only had the choice of the bin. In reality it was all lunch boxes with a bin for fussy children which is fine!

FrancisCrawford · 04/11/2019 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

derxa · 04/11/2019 12:46

It's an absolute fundamental rule that adults should be kind to children. Is it?

FrancisCrawford · 04/11/2019 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RowenaMud · 04/11/2019 12:53

lots of kids would have found it humiliating

Their mother is responsible for any humiliation and indeed for anything serious happened to them ie if they wandered off, went off with a stranger, felt sick, got upset. It has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the host who has committed herself to minding the invited kids. The uninvited kids are not her concern.

Mumofone1962 · 04/11/2019 12:54

So many people calling the host mum a bully or mean.

Was she meant to leave all the children unattended to go to Asda to buy lunch boxes for uninvited children as it's not their fault their mums are CF?

Even if there were other people watching the children, there is no way she should have to leave her child's party to make some children she doesn't know happy?

Saying to take the food out of the lunch boxes and put them on a tray to make uninvited children feel welcome also seems ridiculous to me! Throw all the lunch boxes that probably cost a tenner and the birthday child picked the theme of away becuase it will make some uninvited children sad Confused

CobaltLoafer · 04/11/2019 12:55

puzzled I understand why you’re surprised I didn’t do anything. But remember this is a school mum I have to see for at least the next five years, it was my kids birthday, I didn’t want a scene or stress.

The actual act of saying “no love, she can’t stay” or “you need to pay for her if she stays as she’s not included” puts pressure on the hostess to sound mean, and like a bit of a dick.

The brass neck of breezing in and just joining in with the “no way she was missing out comment” would have meant I had to pursue her and make the point in front of others.

This is how these people keep doing it, decent people are too polite to make a scene 🤷‍♀️

aweedropofsancerre · 04/11/2019 13:07

The one Dc that complained was likely whinging that they didn't get a little box of food and a party bag. From the recent update from OP it has now been made clear that it wasnt some kind of slop bucket but sealed bags of food which I think was fair enough given she must have previously organised the picnic boxes in advance and there wouldnt have been extras for CF parents dumping extra DC..... and as for the CF parent who lost there shit at a party after dumping her DC at a party they weren't invited to that was outrageous. If she had anything to say she should have had a quiet word not further ruined the party DC party by causing a scene. I wonder if the OP was the CF?

Whoops75 · 04/11/2019 13:14

OP c’mon , own up.
Are you the cheeky mom?

churchandstate · 04/11/2019 13:21

The hosting Mum was very kind to feed the uninvited children at all. I can’t believe anyone thinks she was even slightly in the wrong.

BloggersBlog · 04/11/2019 13:30

bullied and degraded??? Have heard it all now. They went to a free party they weren't invited to, and were given snacks they were entitled to. They complained straight away as soon as their CF mum picked them up. Apple didn't fall far from the tree there

BloggersBlog · 04/11/2019 13:31

Weren't entitled to, not were

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 04/11/2019 13:36

If I'd been Party Mum I think I would have just not offered those children food at all. As previously stated they won't starve and if they were very hungry surely they can share their siblings food.

Then I'd happily remind their CF mother they weren't even invited if she dare lose her entitled shit with me.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 04/11/2019 13:41

Cobalt I have actually done this! I asked CF parent to pay the £10 cost for sibling.

I felt mean for a second but after that was proud of myself for challenging their entitled behaviour.

Things were a bit awkward after that but I decided in the grand scheme I was ok with that as this individual had been taking the piss like this for years Confused

user1471590586 · 04/11/2019 13:47

Taking and leaving extra children at parties is incredibly rude. I would have said that I have no extra food and would have texted the parents that had dumped their children mid party to return and pick them up.

5foot5 · 04/11/2019 14:07

I think a better way to deal with it would be to say that the uninvited siblings share the lunch box with their invited sibling - even if that means there were three to a box. That way the host is not having to over cater but everyone has access to food. If any of the sharing siblings complained to their Mum about not getting enough food then it should be covered by a friendly "Oh but I wasn't expecting them so of course there wasn't enough for them to have a box of their own"

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2019 14:36

You can tell who the CF parents are here Grin. Won't someone think of the children? OMG, kindness! Telling someone 'no' is not 'causing a scene' and if they try to, the only one who look like a dick is the CF.

Footiefan2019 · 04/11/2019 14:38

I can only picture Amanda from Motherland ‘you’ve humiliated my son!!!’ 😂

OooErMissus · 04/11/2019 15:49

This thread really hasn't gone the way the OP intended!

I still find her role in all of this highly questionable, but as the majority clearly don't agree with her, she has disappeared off the thread with her tail between her legs.

Would I have had the balls to do what Party Mum did? Not in a million years.

But I kinda of wish I did, and love that CF Mum was publicly shamed. I don't feel all that bad for her 'chip off the old block' CF kid either, but then I am not one for pandering to badly behaved kids.

thedevilwithbarty · 04/11/2019 15:54

Au contraire, OooErMissus, this thread has gone EXACTLY as I intended, especially as you keep appearing and bumping it every time it goes quiet Grin

I haven't changed my mind - still think nobody covered themselves in glory, CF mum behaved atrociously and the "yuck bin" was crass and mean-minded - but I posted wanting people to comment and discuss, and that's what's happened!

OP posts:
DeathStare · 04/11/2019 15:57

@ThumbWitchesAbroad At the time I worked for the children's safeguarding team at social services (CF mum did not know this! Grin ) and it was a weekend so it would have meant calling out the Emergency Duty Team.

I knew that my colleagues wouldn't have been overly thrilled at being called out for that, given how run off their feet EDT usually are, and that once they had realised that it was one of their colleagues who was with the children the response time would probably have been slower than the mum!

I'm pretty sure I mentioned my job when she did finally appear!

thedevilwithbarty · 04/11/2019 15:59

Also OooErMissus, the vote would appear to contradict you..

OP posts:
MeTheCoolOne · 04/11/2019 16:07

OP this thread has gone EXACTLY as I intended,

I bet it has 😂😂🤣🤣

It's not much of a challenge really.

BloggersBlog · 04/11/2019 16:16

I wouldnt go by the vote too much OP as given, your further posts explaining things more, I think some may have changed their mind after voting or stupid like me, and pressed the wrong button