to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

I remember hosting a similar party (again in a leisure centre) when one of my children was about 7. One CF parent dropped off not only the invited child but three siblings - including one who was only about two years old. I'd never met the parent before and only vaguely knew the invited child. As others have said it happened during the rush of drop-off, and we had met in the foyer area, so I hadn't realised these three children had been left with me until they followed us through to the party area - then I worked out who they were.

The finishing time for the party was about half an hour before the leisure centre closed.... and guess what? The parents didn't turn up! So we all sat and waited in the reception area - me, my friend, my 3 DC and these other 4 DC. And we awaited. And we waited. Eventually the leisure centre was closing and we got thrown out to wait in the car park.

I couldn't take them home with me (we lived about two miles away) as there was no room in the car. (My friend had come in my car not her own car). We were trying to figure out a way to shuttle taking the children home, but it would have meant leaving a group of children unaccompanied either outside the leisure centre or after being dropped off at my house, so that didn't work (the oldest child was about 10).

I didn't have the CF parents' number but in the end managed to get hold of it from another friend and rang the mum. Her response was very much a "what's the problem? I'll come as soon as I can" She also lived about 10 minutes drive away. Eventually she turned up an hour and a half after the party had ended and about 40 minutes after I had called her.

I wish I could have made her eat out of a yuck bin!

Wow some of these are shocking! Deathstare that is absolutely disgusting of the mother. I guess in a situation like that your choice is to wait or ring social services? Not sure what I would do. My kids are still relatively young and we have not had the funds to hire anywhere, so we have had small parties at home so I haven't come across this yet. We are now saving for next year as we will be doing a party at a venue for my ds, I will be remembering this thread and trying to head of any extra children issues as we can not afford to pay for extra children either entry or food!

Meant to say that from what the op said I assumed the host mum had the yuck bin purely for chn to put in the food they did not want to eat. Then faced with extra children from cf mum she kindly fed them (she didn't have to) and took the food from the clean yuck bin. Why should she not have fun with the invited kids and make a yuck bin? Not her fault a cf left all her chn knowing that they weren't invited! Who even does that?!

Why are some posters calling the cfs kids 'victims' ?
They went to a party, presumably had fun and had snacks so they didn't 'starve' in the two hours of the party 🙄
They are only victims of their entitled mother, if at all

(pressed yanbu by mistake sorry- yabu if you agree with CF )

@BloggersBlog the part that makes the host mean is that she offered children something from a container labled the 'yuck bin' had it been a tray of spare foods, asked siblings to share or called it a 'share box' etc this would not be an issue etc. While it is funny for some kids it is humiliating and degrading for others

Soooo..... if it was anything like my kids' parties, it would have been all carrot sticks and cheese and onion crisps. I doubt the Yuck Bin kids got any cake sad

and yet: Food in the yuck bin was mostly rolls wrapped in cling film, crisps, carrot and pepper sticks in little bags etc.

and it was a whole-class party and the extras were siblings, yet you present the scenario that : It won't have been nice for them to have to eat out of the yuck bin in front of their classmates who all had cake and nice stuff. -- the univited kids were not classmates!

If you wanted to make the party parents into the bad guys, you could (and should) have done it by not twisting the truth. However, the manipulativeness of the story twisting (above) undermines your position. The party parents may have done something you wouldn't have, but they will have the last laugh when they don't have to deal with party-crashers any more, while all the enablers will... continue having crashers.

@RiotAndAlarum Regardless of what is in it fact remains these uninvited kids that are not at fault being there are then further shamed and humiliated having to fish something out of container labled the 'yuck bin' yes it is rude to leave extra kids but it is also mean to humiliate them :(

@redappleandaquamarinebow1987so do you think she had premeditated this whole scenario and thought "Just in case I have extra kids turn up, what's going to humiliate univited children the most? I know, let me feed them slops/crusts/old cake from a bin!" And gone out if her way (with organising the whole party too) to go out, buy a rubbish bin, label it and put a sick sticker on it.

Or do you think the more likely scenario is she thought 'I've done food for x kids, rather than food being wasted I'll get a tub and label it so the kids know where to put the food they don't want"

I think I know what's logical to me

@BloggersBlog she could have told passed a unlabled container around to put in spare food or said to put any food they want to share into the middle of the table. Alternatively siblings share

I can’t get my head around a number of people bringing uninvited siblings to a party and leaving them there. I can imagine maybe one irresponsible parent doing this but a number doing it? It is really odd and if it happened here, the host parent would not take any responsibility for the uninvited children. They would literally be left in the play centre to do and go wherever they wanted ie nobody would stop them walking out the door and wandering off!

The idea of giving unwanted food to the uninvited kids is more than the host needed to do but is a great solution to get rid of food that would otherwise be wasted. It was unnecessary and childish to label it as vomit food. However the mother criticising this being given to the uninvited child needs to give her head a wobble. If her child is old enough to be left to fend for themselves, they are old enough to say no thanks to any offers they dislike.

Meh. Lots of children like joking about vomit and poo, so is it really "humiliation"?

Anyway, the bottom line is that cheekyfucker parents would do better to not expose their own children to being where they're unwanted. It's the parents' fault for putting their own kids in that position and/ or for teaching them that any pushback should be interpreted as humiliation.

I think the Yuck bin is a great idea. Pass it around as children sit down to eat and collect items they won’t eat. Saves on loads of waste.
I think the name and the picture also fine, it encourages the children to use it.

Even if she plated up a selection from the yuck bin she would have had same response. The uninvited kids would not be happy to have the boring bits, so would have kicked off to mom regardless.

she could have told passed a unlabled container around to put in spare food

Why should she? It sounds like a bit of fun to me - most children are prone to "yuck" when faced with food they don't like. Then, faced with several children she hadn't planned to feed, she used the unwanted food for them. Perhaps she should have let them go hungry.

So then I think you need to alert the management of the venue that there is an unaccompanied child/children on the premises and let them deal with it. They shouldn't become your responsibility.

Whilst I agree with you, I think most people would just accept the child out of politeness. That’s how CF get away with their behaviour because others are too polite to call them out on it.

I agree with a PP that the host probably had the bin arranged for unwanted food and it was all that was available for anyone who wasn’t invited and wanted food.

I'm waiting for the sad-faced photo in either the mail or the sun, of the poor child forced to eat from the yuck bin. It's almost as good as the mum who invoiced kids who didn't come to the party.

DeathStare that's atrocious! The temptation to tell that CF mother that you would be calling the police/SS to say you had been landed with 4 abandoned children would have been very strong for me in your situation!

She's bloody lucky you're not as mean as me.

The kids were fed. The yuck bin was set up before she knew the cf was going to dump her kids with her, she didn't set up the bin in order just to humiliate dumped kids. The mother is lucky they got anything. Disgraceful to dump your kids when not invited.

@RiotAndAlarum and lots of kids would have found it humiliating.

@SoupDragon it would have been a more dipolmatic polite way to deal with the situation. Is it so difficult to have a share pile or help yourself box rather then a yuck bin

@HiJenny35 it would be no effort to remove the lable once confronted with the situation

@redappleandaquamarinebow1987 then the cheekyfucker parents should be more careful not to put their children in positions in which they're uninvited and cost someone else money. No-one would begrudge anything to a child abandoned in an emergency, but a premeditated abandonment is a different kettle of fish.

Yes, there would have been more diplomatic ways to deal with it. The "share plate" is a particularly kind way of putting it. However, again, the cheekyfucker parents now have to deal with the reaction they got. Will they distract their kids from the potential humiliation or

(oops, pressed send.)

... and resolve never to put their kids in that position again, or will they encourage their kids to dwell on the humiliation? Seems they're doing the latter, which is pretty bad parenting.

ive had to take my other child before i always pay for them n their food and just ask if they can sit inthe room, the parents have been nice about it, that woman is a horrendous human being.

Is it so difficult to have a share pile or help yourself box rather then a yuck bin

It is when you've already planned the fun "yuck bin" and got kids to fill it up.