to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

So then I think you need to alert the management of the venue that there is an unaccompanied child/children on the premises and let them deal with it. They shouldn't become your responsibility.

Yes, in exactly the same way any business would deal with an abandoned child.

What a mountain out of a molehill. I really can't see the problem.

As a pp pointed out, if you care so little about your kids that you're looking to dump them on other people, you don't really get to complain about them being served perfectly good food from a clean receptacle which has a sticker on it that you don't like. And I'm sure the kids didn't give a fig.

Not at all convinced it happened this way. Especially considering the OP wasn't even there and is only reporting on the gossip she heard.

As has been stated numerous times, the 'yuk' bin was most likely NOT intended for extra children but ended up as a way of ensuring extras could eat if they chose to. Perfect solution.

I'd want to know how old the siblings are. A couple of extra kids hanging out in the leisure centre whilst the party went on doesn't necessarily mean they expected to be part of the party.
Did the host know they were going to be staying? ie did she have the chance to say they could not be part of the party? Did she say she could not assume responsibility?
Can't imagine that the first thing said by a sibling was "how they were fed". How did that come about. Was the kid complaining? Why would they? Pretty skeptical at this. Can you clarify your gossip OP?

Mostly, I'm at the number of posters who "couldn't see a child starve" Since when is going without food for a couple of hours "starving" a child? Far bigger problem there

And I'm sure the kids didn't give a fig.

No, no. The child/ren were deeply traumatised.

According to the OP.

Who wasn't there, of course.

I would absolutely not have a problem telling little Johnny there isn't any tea for him but maybe his big sister could share her plate?

But I'm a bit of a cruel caaaaa

20+ years of parties and have never had a child dumped at a party.

Who are these people?

Can't imagine a 😵bucket.

But absolutely cannot imagine someone dumping a sibling at a party I was hosting.

I'm with the host.. only because I just wouldn't put up with this in any shape or form.

Perhaps a blacklist of these parents should be circulated quietly 🙄.

You pull this bullshit where I live (city) you would be a marked woman.😂

It was clear on the invite - only the child that was invited was named on the invite.

If it says James is invited to a party, what are you supposed to write? Only Named children should attend? Which would be rude

It was untouched food in a bucket/platter that was shared out amongst the uninvited kids. Calling it a yuck bucket was a bit silly but why should the OP have to over cater just because these CF parents bring along extra kids? Does she over cater by 1 kid, 10 kids? Maybe money is tight. Yes, it’s not the children’s fault but it’s not the fault of the OP either.

wow-thats like a dickhead factory production line. 1. yuck bin 2. re-inventing as overspill spoils no maybe 1.is abandoning "extras"without permission. or maybe 1 is kicking off at a kids party when you boot the twatball onto the park. ...

How do we know the host permitted the siblings to stay? I have had a parent dump a sibling at a party and run despite being told expressly that she couldn’t leave the sibling! I have seen similar happen at other parties too and friends have told me stories of the same happening to them. At least she offered them the food the other children didn’t want rather than nothing at all. If they were dumped by the parents without permission or the host was pressured by some parents to allow siblings to stay owing to some elaborate story of an emergency then the parents have no justification in being unhappy at what happened.

I doubt the bin was dirty and the food was probably packaged up picnic food anyway. The children had a choice so if they didn’t fancy it they could have left it. Noone is going to starve at a short party!

Wow I have seen people bring younger siblings but then they have stayed, to leave them and then go...oh my goodness how rude

YABU - There was nothing wrong with the food, the birthday child's mum probably had the 'vomit bin' planned as a funny thing for the invited children.

What do you think she should have done? Not fed them at all? (I am picturing wrapped up food items by the way if it was all bits and pieces piled on top of each other then that isn't ok.

I can't believe people would actually drop off uninvited kids and do a runner though, I can certainly understand people bringing uninvited children though if they have no one to mind their other children, part and parcel of inviting kids who have siblings in my view.

The mum who did the runner has no right to be angry. Everyone needs to just start adding that siblings can only be brought along by prior arrangement on the invites, problem solved.

I also would have been annoyed at the parent causing a scene and upsetting the birthday child because of the report her uninvited sibling gave her of how he/she was fed. That report was probably distorted in any case but also shows an inappropriate expectation from the sibling who must have been expecting to be given the full party guest treatment. Most likely their parent hadn’t informed them they were an uninvited extra!

Whatever party mum's original intentions for the yuck box, it's worked well.

I haven't had CF siblings, but I have ended up paying ££ extra to the venue when parent A dropped off children A and B. B had never responded and the final balance had been paid a week before for each participant for the activity. I didn't know all the children brilliantly and by the time I'd worked out why I'm over numbers and who it is, I've got a child with no contact details because the parent had never been in touch with me. Funnily enough, that child nor the one the following year that flip flopped around and asked if they could still come 2 hours before the party have ever hosted one, or at least one big enough to invite my child to. (Flip flop parent was accepted on the grounds only because we had booked extra adult spaces and child could take that as the activity was otherwise full which was true. It was the classic kind sucker's moment of don't want to be mean to a child (who is already being messed around by their other parent), but hoping the parent takes the hint that it was inconvenient...)

I've had a sibling stay with me, usually for a public venue such as soft play where I've paid my way, or if it's a disco in a hall clearly explained to the sibling in advance that they don't get the party tea or bag. Sometimes the host has been able to accommodate due to a last minute absence which was a nice bonus, but absolutely not an expectation. I was happier when it got to drop and run age and I could take the sibling off elsewhere.

The problem with cheeky fuckers is that they are well practised at excuses, slipping off, avoiding hints and getting offended and possibly confrontational. That's why they're cheeky fuckers and get away with it at the expense (often literally when it comes to parties) of polite, kind people who don't want confrontation.

I don't agree with bringing uninvited kids along but the host mother was a proper cunt. You don't do that to kids.

Hahaha Yuck Bin! I think that’s hilarious. Totally using that at my kids next party. Also, wtf. It’s a 2 hour party right? If uninvited kids aren’t fed then so what? They ain’t gonna starve. Parents can feed them when they get home. The whole thing is a mountain out of a molehill. Reel it in people.

I’m also thinking that whole thing could be a Motherland sketch

There is just so much of this story that doesn't ring true.

Another factor - CF's kid telling its Mum that he was fed from the slop bucket, the minute she walked in the door - thereby enabling CF to go into full fishwife mode on the host mum, in front of everyone.

If that did happen, then CF junior is clearly a chip off the old block, and doesn't deserve any hand-wringing.

In real life, the kid would bring it up in the car on the way home, or even later when asked what was wrong by Mum. He wouldn't declare it the minute she walked in to collect, as if he was in some way hard done by.

Honestly can't see the problem with what the party mum did - she fed the extra kids when everything was pre portioned a a she did it joking. The dumping parents are clearly in the wrong.

So it seems OP that the only issue that you have is that the mother let the kids get the food out of the CLEAN CONTAINER labelled as a 'yuck bin' rather than spent time chasing up a pretty display plate?

I think you need to really think about that. Host Parents were probably already run off their feet and still thought enough about the extras to get them food at all.

The container was clean, not a stinky bin.

No doubt in my mind that host parents had no intention of feeding any of the kids at the party out of the 'yuck bin' until some CF put them in this situation where they had extras and no food for them...... are you friends with CF by any chance?

Interesting that the OP assumes this was completely and deliberately pre-meditated, just to shame the non-invited kida, that party mum knew were coming...

And not that she was unexpectedly in a position of having to feed extra kids, and that this was the best solution she could come up with, to ensure kids didn't go hungry.

🤨

I am torn about this and think though the parents that just dump extra siblings at a party are cheeky if not invited the host was very rude to humiliate the extra siblings the way she did. There is a number of ways this could have been done more diplomatically. Maybe rather then have a yuck bin a better solution would have been to say siblibgs have to share or maybe have a spare food tray rather then a yuck bin for those children to pick from (it was clever to use the food rather then bin it). The fact that it was a called a 'yuck bin' makes it completely humiliating for some kids depending if they are at an age where they would be aware of what it says. Yes some kids might find it funny but a lot won't. It's not fair to humiliate a child like this.

I don’t agree with it as I think the kids are the victims here but hopefully the CF won’t dump her kids on others again

I don't agree with bringing uninvited kids along but the host mother was a proper cunt