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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

658 replies

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji Shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

OP posts:
InsertFunnyUsername · 03/11/2019 18:42

, about time someone made a stand against all the cheeky parents out there!

Wouldn't using your words and sticking to them not "make a stand" against these cheeky fuckers Confused

InsertFunnyUsername · 03/11/2019 18:43

Not not Grin

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/11/2019 18:44

I just dont understand why anyone ever thinks its ok to take a sibling along to a party. It's not a new thing in the UK, it's never been ok to do this & it's never been the norm to include siblings at parties either. There are some whopping CFs out there.

OooErMissus · 03/11/2019 18:52

I doubt the Yuck Bin kids got any cake Sad

You really are quite the gossip, aren't you OP?

You weren't even there. This has nothing to do with you.

Sad your faux 'won't someone think of the children?!' sad face.

Absolutely fair play to the host mum.

OooErMissus · 03/11/2019 18:53

Save your sad face

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/11/2019 19:01

We ended up with six extra kids at a birthday party at home - word got round that we were having a magician. We had siblings, someone’s cousin and children who hadn’t been invited. We had to bring in the garden table for extra seating for the tea. I told anyone who brought extra kids that they had to stay and help. Two did, two “had to pop out but would be straight back” (not seen again till pick up), and two hours after the party we still had little Freddy and his cousin there and the Mum was uncontactable...

NichyNoo · 03/11/2019 19:01

YABU - at least no-one will turn up uninvited again. She’s done all the other mums a huge favour.

Sounds like the uninvited kids got something to eat - they must still be primary age if you’re still doing whole class parties so the whole thing would have gone over their heads and they’d only realise something due to pearl-clutching people like yourself.

“I could never see a kid go without food” - we’re not in a famine. I’m sure they could cope without sandwiches and carrot sticks for 3 hours Grin

FrancisCrawford · 03/11/2019 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 03/11/2019 19:09

If she had an issue with the adults here (and frankly, who wouldn't - asking if you can bring siblings to a staying party is one thing; dumping them unasked and leaving is another) she had two choices: suck it up and complain, or tackle the CF directly.

Humiliating kids like this is awful. And I might add that I don't ever see really good parents doing this - its' always the selfish ones, who let the kids know they're in the way, who take advantage with childcare. So you're hurting kids who have already drawn a short straw in life.

I always just provided extra food and asked siblings to join in, because I felt sorry for them, being stuck with parents like that. It's not like it killed me to make up a few more party bags, or to over cater (always do that anyway).

Jeschara · 03/11/2019 19:10

Good on party Mum. I too think OP is a gossip. Since when does leaving siblings uninvited become right? Never happened at our parties, Is this a new thing?
Also OP what has it got to do with you? I bet you are enjoying spreading what happened around, with your own slant of course.

BloggersBlog · 03/11/2019 19:19

It's not often I want the Daily Snail to take up a thread....

churchandstate · 03/11/2019 19:21

Anyone who dumps their child at a party to which they are not invited has nothing to complain about if their child was fed actual food. It’s outrageously cheeky behaviour and they haven’t a leg to stand on.

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 19:22

Haha, of course I'm a bloody gossip. So is each and every one of you - what are we all doing here otherwise?

I was really taken aback by the way this mum treated these kids - who were, like her, put in an awkward situation about which they had no choice. I'm not "spreading it" locally and stirring up shit, no (though others certainly are!)

OP posts:
tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 03/11/2019 19:22

Fair play party mum, I say. Agree she was probably sick of other mums taking the piss. Unfortunately once one parent accepts an uninvited sibling once and gives them food, piss taking mums and dads will happily continue their cheeky behaviour.

I had a similar experience at DDs fruit picked and picnic party a few years ago (external venue so each activity was pay per child, £10 each), the usual suspects turned up with uninvited siblings. Hilariously they were both first in queue to grab punnets and picnic bits! They both also had form for greedily piling the extra child's food with twice as much food from the buffet so they could be fed too. Literally treated a kids party as Family Lunch Out Confused

I took the first chance to approach both mums and breezily informed them to just give me the cash payment before they left. I nearly didn't as I'm generally a chronic people pleaser and knew they'd bitch about me after. It was actually very liberating to do it and funnily enough, I never had an uninvited guest after that.

churchandstate · 03/11/2019 19:24

It won't have been nice for them to have to eat out of the yuck bin in front of their classmates who all had cake and nice stuff.

It was that or nothing, though, wasn’t it? They weren’t invited!

piefacedClique · 03/11/2019 19:30

Party mum is a hero!

OooErMissus · 03/11/2019 19:36

You're at such pains to stress how you weren't there - that if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were the CF Mum, trying to drum up some support.

I can't really understand why you'd be quite so motivated to start a thread about something so completely nothing to do with you. AND then come down so vehemently on the side of the Cheeky Fucker.

It's just odd.

I just can't for the life of me imagine hearing that someone had dumped an invited kid at a party, left for some child-free time, and then come back and had a go at the Host Mum?!

What kind of absolute feral behaves like that?!

And we have the OP actually motivated to start a thread defending it....? Confused

diddl · 03/11/2019 19:37

"It's not their fault they've been dumped"

Neither was it the fault of the mum hosting!

BloggersBlog · 03/11/2019 19:38

@thedevilwithbarty is the local consensus with Party Mum or CF Mum? Hopefully with PM, as CF mum cares SO MUCH about her kids that she left them in a place they were not invited, with no food!!

CallarMorvern · 03/11/2019 19:39

I think it would have been OK(ish) if the Mum had taken a tray round and collected the unwanted (unmauled) food and then offered it to the additional guests. It's the slops bucket that is really offensive.
But parents who bring extra kids to parties are bloody rude and as the host I always felt obliged to let them stay, as they were usually accompanied by an sob story emergency or the parents would say they don't need feeding etc, but who would make a child sit in front of an empty plate.

OooErMissus · 03/11/2019 19:40

CF Mum The OP will say general consensus is with CF Mum, but she would, wouldn't she? Wink

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 19:40

Confused in the past paragraph of my OP I call the CF mum a rude cow for dumping her kids uninvited, and conclude that nobody behaved well here.

I always over-catered my kids' parties to make sure there was enough for extra kids/parents/anyone to nibble on. Also used to do extra party bags for sibs who turned up with their parents at collection time. Horses for courses. I certainly don't think dumping uninvited children is acceptable, far from it. But taking your frustrations out on children and being passive-aggressive isn't the best response, is it?

OP posts:
thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 19:41

Local consensus is that CF mum behaved appallingly and everyone is thoroughly sick of the piss-taking - but that host mum's way of handling it was crass and mean-spirited. Sympathy is with the uninvited kids who were offered the yuck bin, and the birthday child who had their day spoilt by the unbecoming row between the mothers.

OP posts:
churchandstate · 03/11/2019 19:42

I always over-catered my kids' parties to make sure there was enough for extra kids/parents/anyone to nibble on. Also used to do extra party bags for sibs who turned up with their parents at collection time.

Which is nice. But you were under no obligation to do that, and this Mum was within her rights not to. The person at fault here is the CF, not the host.

OooErMissus · 03/11/2019 19:42

Well, I think we can safely say that CF Mum won't be dumping and running again, so everyone wins - including her poor kids. Smile