to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

YABU
The mum did nothing unhygienic
Under these circumstances, there was no other way to stop the CFs
It is the fault of the CFs and they deserved to explain to their kids exactly why they had to eat out of the yuck bin. Because CF could not be bothered to look after their own children and dumped them by stealth on someone else.

You know why people are saying the mum is a legend? Because those people saying it have been shat on by cheeky fuckers. As have I. Nothing stops CFs. They rely on people just sucking up their shit. So there is no need for them to stop if nobody does anything.

If you've ever been the victim of a serious CF, it can be like being stalked and impact your life.

Your update has changed my mind. I now think YABU. It was unwanted food collection and it was all wrapped not an actual bin. The kids were fed and their sibling could have shared the cake if needed. Unfortunate name is the only issue. I hope no one is sympathising with the CF parents as it will only encourage them.

I think the hosting mum made her point really well. The mums who dumped their uninvited kids to the party won’t be doing it again. They’re damned lucky there was any food - at the kids parties I’ve been to all kids had individual food boxes (right down to the cake) and uninvited siblings got nothing. Not even cutlery and were shoo’ed away from the photographs too.

who all had cake and nice stuff.

Was the discarded stuff not nice then? It was exactly the same stuff as was provided for everyone else.

It's low to take it out on the children though, isn't it? It's not their fault they've been dumped.

^I agree. She deliberately set out to humiliate the kids that was left behind.

I just now realized why there’s such a problem with the word “bin.” I’m American, and we use “bin” differently. I was thinking of “bin” as a small, plastic storage container where the unwanted wrapped food would be placed, but of course on MN, “bin” brings to mind trash/rubbish cans.

I still think Party Mom didn’t do anything wrong, except for the way she labeled the extra food. She could also have written on the invitations that siblings were not invited. May not have helped, but at least she could point to the invitations and say, “Um, says right here.”

Otherwise these people will continue to get away with it if everybody lets them.

Ultimately its punishing the children for their parents actions. Not on.

@Kaddm

If you've ever been the victim of a serious CF, it can be like being stalked and impact your life.

Liked being stalked? Get a grip for goodness sake!

Nobody here thinks it was clever or appropriate

Yeah, but lots of people where you are apparently think it's clever and appropriate to dump uninvited siblings at a party.

I don’t think the host did anything wrong. I had someone try to dump siblings with me around 17 years ago and I said no as I hadn’t invited siblings. The mother was furious and accused me of being ‘tight’. I never gave a fuck what she thought of me tbh. Oddly enough, no other parents allowed her to take the piss at parties after I said no. Sometimes you need to take a stance and call cheeky fuckery out.

I think that as this has happened at other people's events in the past, the hosting mother should have made a few basic preparations. Nothing elaborate which would encourage such poor behaviour as to bring uninvited guest children to an event in future. I would have maybe made a few extra sandwiches fairy cakes and packets of crisps which would have been put on a tray on a seperate table to the birthday lot and would have hoped that the extra goodies didn't run out If the extras were running out I may have gone around the birthday guests quietly collecting thinks they weren't eating and put the on the extra table. Certainly not drawing attention to this and definitely not a 'yuk' bucket. What was the host mother thinking?

However I do think it is very cheeky to bring extra children and leave. A party isn't convenient child care for those not invited.

Seems like I'm in the minority but I think the yuck bin is a pretty good idea!

Awful way to treat a child- I’d put her in the yuck bin.

I think it's extremely rude to leave uninvited children for free babysitting & free food. Not all parents can afford to have extra food & goody bags just incase someone tries to be a CF. Nor should they have to. Parties are expensive enough as it is.
I would have told parents to take the siblings away...if the parents managed to escape, then the uninvited siblings would have to share with invited siblings if I'd done individual food.
A few years ago my daughter had a big party with a man doing a magic/animal show plus disco. Quite a few parents asked if siblings could come...I said no as we had invited the highest number deemed safe for the animals & for children waiting to hold & stroke them.
I didnt do the school runs so didnt know all the parents...I was amazed at how many just stayed in the church hall to see the show with their toddlers...& how many did not bother to control the toddlers....I had to ask them a few times to make their toddlers sit down during the animal part of the show.....basically they were spoiling something I had paid a lot of money for, the animal man had to keep asking the parents too. There was a good reason we hadn't invited very young children. That was 5 years ago, & was the last huge party we had.
I know I was pretty unpopular for asking parents to control their kids.

Yabu

At the most host mum labelled it wrongly. I highly doubt it was her intention to embarrass or humiliate the extra children. The parents who dropped these siblings off with no thought or even asking the host are the problem.

Those parents chose to leave them there with no regard to if there was enough food for them or even asking the host if it’s all right. If the host hadn’t had anything left over, what should have been done? Kids are lucky that there was something. It should teach said parents not to just drop off their kids without consideration.

I think that party Mum should’ve said something on drop-off. It’s wrong to not challenge the adult responsible, but effectively bully the children as soon as the adult is out of sight.

This actually happened to us today- a couple of MUCH older siblings were brought along. We’d catered individually- I felt awkward. ‘Luckily’ we had a no-show so were able to accommodate them.

It's low to take it out on the children though, isn't it? It's not their fault they've been dumped.

^I agree. She deliberately set out to humiliate the kids that was left behind.

@misspiggy19 🤔 but the other option was to give them nothing? Imagine a table full of kids all digging into their special individual lunches - obviously uninvited kids don’t have one- that’s CF parents fault NOT host mum!

Host mum only has ‘unwanted’ items to work with and redistribute to uninvited kids. She passed the bin around to collect unwanted items - my only criticism is that I would have discreetly laid out these items on a table..etc before asking uninvited kids to pick. Unless they’re very young though they’d still have known those were the bin items and felt ‘different’ not having a lunch box of their own!

...and ofc no adult would be irresponsible enough to suggest HM should have had unallocated surplus food waiting in the wings ‘just in case’ - not with the massive food waste problem the U.K. already has...right? 😬

this makes me think of something that happened to my elder cousin as a child.

Her brother was invited to a party so their mum took them along. The (English) party mum took exception to my uninvited cousin being there. My aunt took exception to inviting one child but not the other (extremely shockingly rude in our culture, and also not the done thing at the type of schools we went to). Anyway, my aunt then stormed off with both my cousins.

Why can’t people just have to good sense to accept that British culture is weird about hosting and not bring children who haven’t been explicitly invited on the assumption that it means they weren’t invited?

A party isn't convenient child care for those not invited

That's the crux of it isn't it? I realise this won't work for everyone - in which case you decline the invitation - but what's wrong with simply taking a sibling somewhere else for the couple of hours parties usually last?

Why can’t people just have to good sense to accept that British culture is weird about hosting and not bring children who haven’t been explicitly invited on the assumption that it means they weren’t invited?

Yeah, of course it's British Culture that's weird 🙄

Respect for this mum, about time someone made a stand against all the cheeky parents out there!

Why can’t people just have to good sense to accept that British culture is weird about hosting and not bring children who haven’t been explicitly invited on the assumption that it means they weren’t invited?

Yes, because there's nothing weird at all about abandoning young children in a public building is there?

If they abandoned their pre-schoolers in the same way when they dropped their other kids at school, they'd be reported to social services.

But at a leisure centre it's apparently 'weird' not to

I've done something similar before. I don't understand why parents think it's ok to leave siblings at a party they weren't invited to - I've only done this once, when my youngest went to a party and my oldest happened to be friends with birthday child's sibling, and even then that was after the parents offered. Good on the mum!

Her brother was invited to a party so their mum took them along. The (English) party mum took exception to my uninvited cousin being there. My aunt took exception to inviting one child but not the other (extremely shockingly rude in our culture, and also not the done thing at the type of schools we went to). Anyway, my aunt then stormed off with both my cousins.

Sounds like your aunt was a cheeky mare, who had no respect for other people's culture.