To raise this at school

[geriatricprincess]

We have had issues getting my son to eat his packed lunch at school.. often leaving items totally unopened and I've tried every sandwich / bread combination to entice him. School dinners isn't an option for us unfortunately as my son has autism and really doesn't do sauces etc and sticks to beige food..

I suggested yesterday in the supermarket that maybe a scotch egg instead of bread / sandwich would be better in his lunch next week? His reply was a quick NO! Mummy please don't put nuts, eggs, milk, kiwi or oranges in my lunch otherwise I have to sit on a separate table! After much discussion it appears one child in his class has many allergies and rather than deal with this by managing one child's issues the school have drummed it into the children that a special table is provided for those choosing to eat stuff this child is allergic to. I should add fruit has been left uneaten (oranges/clementines) mini snicker bars and so on.. presumably because my son doesn't want to sit on the other table. I don't feel comfortable with this set up.. aibu?

How do you suggest the school handles the one child’s issues?

Hmmm I dunno. Sounds quite sensible of the school to me. Theyre not saying you can't take those things in, just that you have to stay away from the kid with allergies if you do. Would have been helpful to have told you though!

YABU, how would you like the school to manage the other child's issues? The only way would be to have the poor kid sat alone every single day which is awful.

So you would isolate one child every single day of their childhood rather than have a flexible yet effective method?

As a parent of an autistic child I'm surprised you can't see the bigger picture.

So you think a child with allergies should be isolated instead at lunch? Would you be happy with them doing the same with your son with his sensory issues or anything else?

I get that it is stressful that your son isn’t eating but addressing this with the school isn’t the way to go about it. Arrange a meeting with them to discuss how best to move forward with your son’s eating habits and how best to support him. Good luck.

Are you suggesting that the child with allergies should be the one to sit on their own at the different table every day?!

I think the school's approach is correct.

I am surprised that the school isn’t completely nut free if they have someone with an allergy. It sounds like a great solution to put anyone with allergy triggering foods on to one table. As wildorchidz says, what do you think they should do?

Why would you give a child mini snickers in their lunch box?

I would politely ask school how they think you could jointly get your son to eat a better lunch. I think your ideas on different foodstuffs are good. I work in an infant school and my mum Worked as a reception teacher for many years too, our conclusions on packed lunches are that it's probably better to send just a small sandwich, eg one piece of bread with something between it than a huge one, or a small wrap/ healthy savoury scone or muffin with some vegetables and fruit, maybe a yoghurt than a load of stuff which become a bit overwhelming?
As for the other child with allergies, it's frustrating and tricky for that parent too, in fact probably really scary. School will be trying to support them, as I'm sure they will support you too.

The solution is 2 tables.

A safe one and an allergy one. Both have numerous children.

I would imagine the nuts allergy is also airborne why are you sending any nut products to school?

The other allergies are obviously tough and digestion hence separate table.

I’m surprised the school haven’t banned these foods completely, or at least some of them. My children’s schools both have a blanket ban on nuts.
My youngest has autism, and has similar issues with food, but we are talking about allergies here - the other child can die if they come into contact with the allergens. A child at my son’s school died as a result of an allergy last year. It’s been absolutely heartbreaking for the family, and has had a huge impact on the school. I absolutely agree with schools taking whatever steps necessary to prevent another family going through this.
Can you ask the school if your child can take a friend with him to sit at the other table?

Yes your child should bring a selection of food items to entice him to eat
No he shouldn't be bringing anything with nuts in to school.
Provide food items that don't have the allergens in, your son can stay on the table he likes and there is no risk to the other child

He wouldnt be the only child sat on the "allergy" table surely? It's not unusual for children to be given egg or cheese in a packed lunch and a satsuma is a pretty regular lunchtime staple - it's not like he would be sat alone.

This seems much fairer than singling out the allergic child and making them sit on their own

Wow, how inclusive of you!

What does your son eat at home, and how can you translate that into a packed lunch? Mine ate the same lunch for a decade with almost no variation.
He’s very aware of what foods are not suitable if he wants to stay on the same table, so he knows how important it is. Isolating someone for a difference not under their control should always be a last resort if there’s absolutely no other way to keep them safe, so I think the school is doing their best in a tricky situation.
Can’t think I’ve worked I need that would be happy with snickers though.

I would be very surprised if more than a handful of packed lunches were free from milk.
Most kids have sandwiches with some butter or marge in them (dairy based), many would have some cheese or yoghurt in there, or a dairy containing biscuit.

Can’t think of a school I’ve worked in that would be happy with a snickers though.

As a parent of a child with a (mild) allergy, i think the school are handling it well. My DS was, temporarily, made to sit away from everyone else, with the one other “allergy child”, who had a different allergy anyway. It really upset DS- he handles his allergy really well, but hates feeling different all the time because he can’t eat what others can, and singling him out to sit away from everyone massively emphasised this.

I agree with pp's - it's not an option to isolate one child for medical reasons to allow others the free reign of lunch choices instead of having pupils who choose to have the trigger foods to sit at another table on that occasion.
Frustrating as your issue is with your son not eating the other child could die.

As a parent of a child with allergies YABVVVVU and as the parent of a child with autism I am gobsmacked that you are not more understanding of the school trying to be inclusive.

As other have said most schools have a blanket ban on nuts, I would check that yours doesn't. It may be that school are removing the items as they see them and returning them at the end of the day to protect the allergy child.

Food allergies can kill. Frankly that trumps you feeling uncomfortable about being told what you can't send in as lunch.

The school is right on this occasion I'm afraid. Allergies need to be taken very seriously.

I am surprised that the school isn’t completely nut free if they have someone with an allergy.

Probably because the two major UK charities for nut allergy sufferers don’t recommend schools going nut-free.

Have you really been putting a mini Snickers in your child’s lunch box? When you know there is another child with a nut allergy?

I think I'm more surprised this is the first I've heard of it! I wouldn't expected the school to ostracise one child but if they'd at least drummed it into parents about packed lunches and what the situation is I certainly would have thought twice about what my sons lunch box contained. I've seen nothing on the school website or via parent2teachers messages related to this at all. There was a whole list of food stuff this particular child was allergic to - no doubt there are other children also with allergies. Two tables sounds sensible to me.

what exactly are you going to say? "Stop ensuring the safety of the child with allergies"?
It's really not a big deal.