To raise this at school

[geriatricprincess]

We have had issues getting my son to eat his packed lunch at school.. often leaving items totally unopened and I've tried every sandwich / bread combination to entice him. School dinners isn't an option for us unfortunately as my son has autism and really doesn't do sauces etc and sticks to beige food..

I suggested yesterday in the supermarket that maybe a scotch egg instead of bread / sandwich would be better in his lunch next week? His reply was a quick NO! Mummy please don't put nuts, eggs, milk, kiwi or oranges in my lunch otherwise I have to sit on a separate table! After much discussion it appears one child in his class has many allergies and rather than deal with this by managing one child's issues the school have drummed it into the children that a special table is provided for those choosing to eat stuff this child is allergic to. I should add fruit has been left uneaten (oranges/clementines) mini snicker bars and so on.. presumably because my son doesn't want to sit on the other table. I don't feel comfortable with this set up.. aibu?

At no point has anyone mentioned what's allowed or not allowed.. 😕 that's what baffles me!

Why? Allergens in lunchbox = sit away from child with allergies that day.

The school has decided that rather than saying "You can't bring in XYZ" and blanket ban all the allergens they just assess the packed lunches every day and split the children over the packed lunch tables based on allergen content

If your child has one of the allergens in their lunch box then they are sat on the other packed lunch table. If, on another day, they have no allergens, they can sit on the table with the child with allergies. That way the child with allergies doesnt have to be permanently separated and they can mix up the children every day. If the same children are on packed lunches every day then the staff are probably also using this as an opportunity to mix the group up so they all sit with each other across the two tables so that theres not too separate cliques formed.

@frankie246 and bingo!! The ignorance bingo is complete! Yay! Do I get a prize?
Allergies have always existed, we just didn't understand them the way we do now. Similar to the way type 1 diabetes has always existed but until fairly recent history a diabetics premature death would go totally unnoticed.

The way the school are dealing with this is, literally, perfect. I take it the child with the allergies isn't allergic airborne. So,

1. They aren't alienating child with allergies.
2. They are not restricting any other child's lunch box.

Literally perfect.

@Snoopdogsbitch misinformation there from you. Our local secondary schools are extremely strict about allergies. We get regular updates about what students shouldn't eat at school, the canteen is also 100% nut free

By all means spend your day debating this one. I shall get off the internet and take my children to the cinema as promised (asd friendly screening before you jump on me and judge) we shall eat popcorn and sweets, we shall have lunch out at their favourite cafe and eat plain potato and ham separately on a plate with no sauce or butter.. if that doesn't fit the norm do I care.. not a fecking dot.

But nobody cares about your plans for your day or what you are feeding your DS today They care about the children with allergies being kept safe during lunch time in school. It's not all about your DS and him having ASD, you know.

Deaths would be attributed to asthma attacks.

Now they aren't.

Secondary schools do a fuckton of work behind the scenes to be able to deal with anaphylaxis - and spend a lot of money. Canteens still don't usually supply nuts or shellfish (as they are frequently the most serious reactions) and will know exactly what is in the food they do provide. Computerised lunch systems flag up if a kid is trying to buy something that contains their allergens - if parents complete the forms.

Teenagers are good at remembering not to put their friends at risk. They will know what their friend is allergic to and will recognise the symptoms of a reaction and seek help.

And yet some still die. Despite AAIs, despite CPR, despite ambulances and paramedics and doctors.

Because no treatment is 100% guaranteed, a combination of things have to work together to get the best chance of success.

Unfortunately, replying upon common human decency isn't a viable option, as shown here.

The way the school are dealing with this is, literally, perfect. I take it the child with the allergies isn't allergic airborne. So,
1. They aren't alienating child with allergies.
2. They are not restricting any other child's lunch box.
Literally perfect.

Except not communicating any of this to parents!
My DCs school had lots of allergies. They communicated what kind of things were "banned" and which might cause issues. The banned ones tended to be nuts - because at times there were children who could be affected by the slightest trace - I knew one girl who had a reaction to a "Crunchy Nut" cereal packet once.
And if there is a child with ASD, they should be alert for eating issues - at Infant age the school would often report back if a child was not eating much, and would know that they were desperate not to be sitting on a "different" table.

But, do they need to communicate it to the parents?
They're dealing with it themselves, making it low key, no one is isolated on a table, it's possible that it works out half and half, so this isn't something parents need to know or worry about, or worry their kids about.
If a big thing was made of it, then all sorts of not necessarily pleasant tactics might start, Bobby not having a satsuma because he doesn't want to sit with jack etc.
Maybe, we could assume the school are dealing with it in the best way possible, (and their way will be fairest for all kids, not just one) and let them get on with it.

grimal if you have such experience I apologise, it just sounded reactionary.

I actually think the school is taking sensible approach it's the out and out bans that I don't agree with. In DC's primary at one point there were no nuts, seeds, kiwi, citrus or egg despite no child having an airborne allergy. That discriminates against other children who may have a limited palate. Mine were all happy to eat whatever, but others maybe not so much.

velocity it's not misinformation, areas are obviously different: in our area there is no secondary with a ban on any food stuffs ( I work in one so have information to the rest in the county - around 35). There are recommendations and, like you say, the kitchens are nut-free but no bans. Pupils with allergies are known to all staff and the kitchen. They can't have a ban on egg/milk/fruits, it's just not practical as mang kids chose to eat out/ take away and will have products/ residue o hands. Sense prevails as bans just do not work, particularly in larger schools with 1000+ pupils.

As the parent of a child with a nut allergy reactions like yours terrify and anger me. What is the other option?? Alienating the child with the allergy making them feel more different and alone? My 4 yr old asks everytime she gets offered food "is it nut free" she has to take pack lunches to birthday parties etc making her sit alone would be horrible and damaging.
The school should have told you and you should clarify this but your reaction is way over the top. People die from allergies ffs.

YABU and you sound like a very nasty person.

We have a total nut ban due to a present severe allergy.

We have all the children with packed lunches separated but able to chose where to sit on those tables.

We have previously had a child with s different extreme allergy where those around him could not have fish and hence sat further away.

Most primaries will organises meals by year groups. It is probably a small amount of children with severe allergies that he needs to avoid and it shouldn't be an issue once he knows who is who.

But speak to school. If they have a total ban on something then a letter should have gone out due to the extreme nature of the allergy.

Every year the cohort changes and arrangements may change.

What a vile OP!! I am actually struggling to believe this story is real. Surely no one is both that nasty and stupid in real life...

"Yet another parent of a child with autism using the diagnosis to excuse every response that may distress or harm others."

No need to air your dislike of parents of children with special needs. From what I can see on this thread parents of children with asd are not agreeing with the op.

That discriminates against other children who may have a limited palate.
No it absolutely doesn’t. My child with ASD eats a very small range of things, but will not die if he doesn’t get one of those foods for lunch. Children with allergies, on the other hand, can - and do - die as a result of contact with allergen foods. It is not the same at all.

Maybe your son is friends with this child and that's how he has a greater knowledge of what the child is allergic to. He may also want to eat lunch with this child.

As a new person to this site it has been a shock to see so many rude posts.

I assumed we could agree or disagree politely but this week I have read so many rude crass name calling posts with some foul language that I think I have misunderstood intelligent discussion?

I'm really surprised that any school would allow mini Snickers bars. Most schools don't allow chocolate at all.

As cheese is pretty much the default sandwich how does this work? Most schools are nut free.

We have similar challenges packing lunches for our dd with autism. The allergies of other students definitely make it more complicated, but that is just the way it is. Thankfully her school has a reasonable approach. The important thing is that you should absolutely be informed about the implications of what you choose to put in your child’s lunch.

It is also possible that your child is interpreting the rules to the extreme. My own is prone to that. That is what makes it all the more important that the school communicate with you.

Oh and I absolutely do things like put a mini candy bar in her lunch. I need her to get as many calories as possible at school. Lunch is for getting enough fuel to learn no matter how it needs to be done.

YABU
As a parent of a child with an illness 2joch leads him to want to only eat beige food, you should understand more than anyone how hard it is for the parent of, and child, with the allergies.
They're not trying to make your life difficult, a severe allergy could potentially kill their child.
If it's so hard, ask if he can have his lunch at home.

I suspect there has been communication about this but it’s been missed. Some people expect 1:1 information as they CBA to read newsletters or parentmail.

OP, you contradicted yourself in your posts. Once you’ve calmed down a little you might do with rereading what you’ve posted.

I get that it must be hard feeding a child with sensory issues but it’s harder to protect a child with severe allergies. I don’t care how big a snicker bar you’re putting in your child’s lunchbox, you’re being irresponsible in doing so.

Nice work op
Nice work