To raise this at school

[geriatricprincess]

We have had issues getting my son to eat his packed lunch at school.. often leaving items totally unopened and I've tried every sandwich / bread combination to entice him. School dinners isn't an option for us unfortunately as my son has autism and really doesn't do sauces etc and sticks to beige food..

I suggested yesterday in the supermarket that maybe a scotch egg instead of bread / sandwich would be better in his lunch next week? His reply was a quick NO! Mummy please don't put nuts, eggs, milk, kiwi or oranges in my lunch otherwise I have to sit on a separate table! After much discussion it appears one child in his class has many allergies and rather than deal with this by managing one child's issues the school have drummed it into the children that a special table is provided for those choosing to eat stuff this child is allergic to. I should add fruit has been left uneaten (oranges/clementines) mini snicker bars and so on.. presumably because my son doesn't want to sit on the other table. I don't feel comfortable with this set up.. aibu?

It sound like that child has alot of allergies and the school are trying to keep them included which is great.
However if this is causing your own child issues at lunch then I can see why you would question it.
I would approach the school but I would ask for clarification on what food would make them sit on the non safe table.
Then plan with your dc their lunch accordingly.
What is so bad about sitting on the non safe table ? Your dc obviously doesn't want to sit there?

I have asked two other parents of my child class this morning if they are aware .. neither of them knew nothing about it. Surely the school should at least let the parents know! So yes I will be talking to the school tomorrow and asking why this hasn't been mentioned to parents. I can't expect such a young child to have relayed this message back to me, I feel awful that I'm in the dark about this and do take others allergies seriously.

I can't imagine that you are moved if you are eating milk as that is in most lunches I imagine. Where are you getting your information from? Is it from your DS or directly from the school. Nut allergies can be airborne so I'm surprised there isn't an absolute ban on nuts and this hasn't been communicated to all parents. I'd speak to the teacher as, especially with the milk and clementines, most of the class would be moved. Excluding the child with allergys is not the right thing to do

Nothing wrong in asking for clarity about lunch policy and allergies. How long has your dc been at this school? Chances are the table of those without any allergens is much smaller than the other. Does he prefer to sit with the child concerned or in a small group perhaps?

unless every child that has a packed lunch has dairy free spread on their bread then he wont be sitting alone, far from it.

If the school are catering for the child with the allergies, of course they wont want a child with the allergens on the same table.

I know u say school dinners aren't an option but as a former school cook I have cooked special items for autistic kids and let them vary the items on the menu. Have you considered speaking to the provider of the lunches to see if this is possible.
Items can be made separately without sauce or plain pasta etc. Lots of allergy children also have the menu adjusted to meet there requirements.

Just a thought to consider. And all schools locally are completely nut free.

I’m shocked that the school is allowing nuts at all! My school is completely nut-free to protect those with life threatening allergies. Even the adults are not allowed to eat nuts at school. Please don’t send mini snickers in

I would probably check his understanding of whats happening anyway and work with the school to ensure he is comfortable to eat to. The tables presumably cant fit a whole class on? Or are they long tables like a beer hall. I just wondered if he likes the allergy child and wants to sit with them? Or the table the allergy child goes to is in a much quieter bit of the hall or away from a difficukt light or closer to a member of staff he likes, or it just where he sits and he likes routine and cant cope with not knowing if he will have to sit somwhere different each day?
In terms of his own lunch, it is hard finding things a child with autism will eat, particularly in that environment. I try to ensure breakfast, coming home snack and dinner compensate for the fact that very little might be eaten at school. Some ideas might be chicken dippas, sausage rolls, chocolate bar wthout nuts, breadsticks, dried mango strips. Pitta triangles to dip into something like tuna.
Inclusion is important my child has a nut allergy and im grateful for schools keeping him safe. He also has autism and that needs a whole extra level of inclusion too. He couldnt enter the dinner hall in the end it was so traumatic for him. He now goes to a soecial school with no dinner hall. The packed luches there are very quirky.

I can't get past the fact that you think it's ok to put a snickers bar in his lunch!
Even the smallest of schools will have at least one child with nut allergy.
It's sad that your empathy doesn't expand beyond your own child's needs.

I wouldn’t get excited about uneaten items. My son used to come home with sandwiches in his pockets or socks advice he didn’t want to eat them but lunch boxes were policed before they were allowed out to play.
None of mine ever ate much packed lunch despite every possible adaptation to encourage them initially. They simply hated eating in the school hall environment with noise, horrid smells, children with poor manners etc. None of them came to any harm.

We aren’t allowed to send anything with nuts or egg in a packed lunch. Your lucky the school have the table to let you send whatever you want in. It is potentially putting this other child at risk.

There are some groups calling for packed lunches to be abolished partly due to parents not getting the allergy thing. So remember that if you push too hard at the school.

I’m shocked that the school is allowing nuts at all!

Iirc the thinking now is that schools are not told to be nut-free because it’s better for the whole school community to learn how to manage medical conditions in school. In that way, both the child with the allergy, other children and staff are all aware of what to do if a child has an allergic reaction to something.

This is also a good approach because children can have an allergic reaction to any substance at any time, so it’s better that the school has a good action plan in place for everyone, not just the children with a medical diagnosis.

Could have got that completely wrong though.

@velocitygirl7 a MINI snickers bar I'm dealing with a child that's eating feck all and I'll do as I see fit. I can't believe people go to McDonald's and feed their kids deep fried food daily but each to their ow and do whatever works!

I would approach this along the lines of clarifying it. Don't take the word of a child. He may have got the wrong end of the stick. Esp if other parents have heard nothing!

@Grasspigeons he won't cope well with having to move tables so that needs to be factored into the discussion. Had they just told me what was not allowed I'd have happily tried to find alternatives. Oh and if they ban packed lunch I think you'll find most kids on the Sen register will not eat at all.. is that ok? Nope!

I'm surprised they even allow nuts on the premises. We had a school go but free when a new child joined, it was fine. I don't want to make a child go into anaphylactic shock.

As always people are quick to mention nut bans. They're not the only food that can kill and not every nut allergy is airborne. Who would agree with a school imposing a dairy ban?!

There isn't an easy option for schools to manage allergies and keep everyone safe and happy. I don't agree with 'allergy tables' as the children on them could be allergic to each other's food - ie the dairy allergy child has to sit next to an egg allergic child who is eating yoghurt and cheese straws. How does that make them any safer than sitting on a 'normal' table?

It would be interesting to see if it's the allergic child's parents who have insisted on the food bans or the school going into overdrive

@geriatricprincess Wow. 'I'll do as I see fit'
So you are aware that there maybe children with nut allergy but clearly don't care?
As I stated previously, your empathy doesn't extend beyond your own child. Awful attitude.

A snickers in a lunchbox? Unheard of where I am. Not only for the nut factor, but for chocolate too.

YABU. I'm also surprised the school doesn't have a blanket ban on nuts, most do.

@geriatricprincess - indeed. There is a child at my sons school who only has a bounty and a babybel in his packed lunch as thats all he can eat in a school environment. The school decided there was no point doing school dinners as all the children had such varying issues so it was best to let them bring in something they would eat. It just makes me smile when i hear the odd combinations.

Find out exactly the policy from the school

You do realise though that the child with a nut allergy who could die does trump everything else though

@AuntieMarys Put those pearls down.

You cant send in a snickers bar. Your kid goes hungry the other kid potentially dies. Clearly there is no argument about what is the less harmful of the 2. Its irrelevant if its MINI one. The school should have informed you but you can not send him in with food that is potentially fatal to another child. Its ashame if he misses lunch (give him a big breakfast. Give him a late lunch at pick up. Try and find food not on the allergy list he will eat) but dont put a child's life in danger so yours isnt hungry for an hour or so in the afternoon. Come on. Anaphylaxis is serious and potentially deadly. How scary must it be for the parents of that child to send him/her to school every day know they could have a serious reaction at anytime. Stop only thinking of your child. So what if he has to sit at another table. At least everyone is alive come pick up time. YABU. Except for when u say the school should have informed you.

I feel like you should of been aware he would have to sit on a different table and you could of changed the contents of his lunch box, especially if it’s causing him not to eat. YANBU