To raise this at school

[geriatricprincess]

We have had issues getting my son to eat his packed lunch at school.. often leaving items totally unopened and I've tried every sandwich / bread combination to entice him. School dinners isn't an option for us unfortunately as my son has autism and really doesn't do sauces etc and sticks to beige food..

I suggested yesterday in the supermarket that maybe a scotch egg instead of bread / sandwich would be better in his lunch next week? His reply was a quick NO! Mummy please don't put nuts, eggs, milk, kiwi or oranges in my lunch otherwise I have to sit on a separate table! After much discussion it appears one child in his class has many allergies and rather than deal with this by managing one child's issues the school have drummed it into the children that a special table is provided for those choosing to eat stuff this child is allergic to. I should add fruit has been left uneaten (oranges/clementines) mini snicker bars and so on.. presumably because my son doesn't want to sit on the other table. I don't feel comfortable with this set up.. aibu?

YABU it sounds to me like you expects adjustments to be made for your child with ASC but not for children with allergies?

I'm surprised you haven't already spoken to school about him not eating his lunch. I have always been in contact (at Primary age) when my children weren't eating - even when the solution was that they "finished" their packed lunch on the walk home. The school needs to know as not enough calories can impact their concentration and ability to learn, as much as the basic care for the child aspects.
I would also ask about these restrictions (there is a slim chance that the rules emanate from the child with allergies, as my DD didn't really differentiate between things her friends told her and things the teacher said).

@Halo1234 your missing the point .. I did this occasionally and had no idea about the allergies of this child and there is absolutely nothing on the school website or any communication relating to this ..!

@velocitygirl7 the school hasn’t banned nuts so OP isn’t doing anything wrong?

@MollyButton I have raised this already as I've been concerned he's not eating. At no point has anyone mentioned what's allowed or not allowed.. 😕 that's what baffles me! We are not talking hundreds of kids here single entry 3 yr infant school. Can't be that hard to pick up on / feedback to parents.

@HelloGeeniee do one of your just here to judge what goes in a lunch box. Women really can be nasty creatures 💁‍♀️

God, you sound like my ex. He deliberately put food with nuts in DD's lunchbox because he decided his right to feed DD a peanut butter sandwich was more important than her emotional state if she then killed somebody else's child by sneezing near her.

I put her in school dinners after he told me that.

I've dealt with small children with anaphylaxis. Thankfully, I've not had to perform CPR on one. I wouldn't fancy having to do that as dinner ladies guide several hundred upset infants out of the dinner hall because one stupid cow thought a MINI Snickers was an essential part of a packed lunch.

I’ll do as I see fit

Yet another parent of a child with autism using the diagnosis to excuse every response that may distress or harm others. It’s not a golden ticket that exempts you from caring about anything or anyone else.
Sending peanuts into the school is unacceptable and actively endangering others.

So now you know you will stop? I agree the school should have told you. But I took from your post you wanted to still send him with foods on the allergy list because it's all he will eat. If you didnt know yanbu but you do now.

@geriatricprincess people just have to make a big deal out of everything. I’m sure if a child was going to have a serve reaction to the stickers you wouldn’t bring it in, but with no information from the school what are you supposed to do?

Yes! Totally agree that you should have been aware. My ds also has autism and he'd be totally rule abiding re eating foods with it in. Possibly to the point he's over thought it - he's very typically literal to the core!

It would be great to clarify. Also children shouldn't feel they have to sit apart from anyone. That's child with allergies or child who has allergens.

It's a very simple and easy thing to have 2 tables with a laminated sign.
One has a tick with foods allowed on the table and one has a no xxxxxxx sign. Children then sit at whichever table is for them.

People often don't realise even things like crisps have milk in so either so I think clarifying the situation is a good idea.

*snickers

Right that it for me, thanks for all you input. I shall speak to the head tomorrow and ask her to clarify pack lunch policies and eating arrangements.

By all means spend your day debating this one. I shall get off the internet and take my children to the cinema as promised (asd friendly screening before you jump on me and judge) we shall eat popcorn and sweets, we shall have lunch out at their favourite cafe and eat plain potato and ham separately on a plate with no sauce or butter.. if that doesn't fit the norm do I care.. not a fecking dot.

Happy Sunday all.

So your DS sits on a different table. Problem solved. His wishes come a long way after another child’s needs, and he needs to understand that not everything in his life and surroundings can be controlled by him or his mother.

Why the fuck would anyone judge you taking your children to the cinema?

There's probably not that many children having pack ups in an infant school as they will all be entitled to a free dinner. Might be why he ends up sitting on his own at the allergy table. YR probably go in first, 3 or 4 pack ups in the class, he ends up on his own.

I'd talk to the school and find out exactly what the allergies are and how it's being managed, then you and your ds can decide what he might have for lunch that enables him to sit where he likes. Good luck.

@geriatricprincess if you honestly think anyone is going to judge you for taking your dc to the cinema then I think there maybe bigger issues going on?!
Enjoy your day.

No one is judging you for going to the cinema or feeding him the way he wants to eat. The judgement comes from you thinking his right to eat foods at school where he likes to eat them when they are potentially deadly to a classmate. Why can't you just say you will stop sending in the allergy foods. Why a big rant about going to the cinema.

Threads like this... is why a lot of teachers aren’t looking forward to returning to work.

OP - YABU, the whole tone and outlook. Every child matters, things are often imperfect. They do have two tables, one for packed lunches with allergy containing stuff and one without. Surely kids could sit at either, depends on their packed lunch. That has to happen. Some parents don’t want information formally sharing with other parents. I think you have to assume if the details you have are correct, the child involved parents are happy with the arrangement. Why is it your right to know more or even anything?

Of course your child has needs and you need to do what you need to do to help him have a happy, productive life in school. However, schools do the same, but for all. There has to be some compromise. You could just say he is struggling to eat, have they any ideas that might help... be part of the solution.

grimal you are just being horrid. Do you have an issue with SEN children or their parents? With your comments it seems you are bitter- past experience clouding your judgement? Sick of parents using asd as an excuse for everything? Jeez, you live the life if an asd person for a day and you wouldn't be so cutting. The OP has never said her son's needs trump everyone else 's: stop putting words in their mouth.

This banning of everything becomes ridiculous. Nuts I get but milk? Kiwi? Oranges? It will turn out that kids can't have anything. School dinners will often contain milk.and egg- should these be banned too? Secondary schools generally have no such bans- what happens to the.allergic children there? They carry an epi- pen.

But the alternate is that the child with allergies sit by themselves for lunch. Im not sure what the answer is, its a tricky one as your son doesnt want to sit on the other table. So the logical conclusion would be to not include those foods. Or ask the school if he can eat them at another time? Maybe at a break time?

On the other foot, imagine the MN title 'my child is being made to sit alone for lunch because of allergies'. Imagine the outrage.

I don't get where all these allergies are coming from? When I went to school they were unheard of.

Personally, I would prefer the school provide a list of allergens to avoid rather than separate the children up.

@snoopdogsbitch you can still die from anaphylaxis even with an EpiPen. Why dont u put yourself in the position of the parents of the child with the allergy. Every day you have to send them to school not knowing if they are going to have a reaction. Lots of children eating at once. It being hard to police who is eating what and next to who. Schools are often understaffed. It must be terrifying for them. As a society we should protect the vulnerable. If that involves rules at school for sitting at certain tables to avoid killing someone it's hardly a hardship. Autism or not. You are talking life and death for the other child. Personally I would have a blanket ban if the allergy was anaphylactic and it was my choice. It's just too risky. We need to be inclusive of children with autism at our schools but not at the expense of them sitting where they want at lunch not matter the price to others.

Snoopdogsbitch, both of my adult children are autistic . I’ve probably been on the SEN road considerably longer than most posters here, and encountered a number of parents who are unwilling to try and work out a compromise on even the smallest detail.
Yes, I do have issues with a parent unwilling to treat another’s child’s life-threatening condition as more important that their child’s sweetie.