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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband awol in Tokyo

97 replies

HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:18

I feel like I’m going slightly insane, my husband is in Tokyo for the rugby - went with a friend I don’t know, but has been completely out of contact for nearly 24 hours - we’ve got two young children and he’s not answering calls and there’s been no communication whatsoever. Am I weird being worried? Potentially too much time on my own but I have a bad feeling...

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OctoberLovers · 03/11/2019 01:20

Is he with anyone you can contact?

When was he last on whatsapp? Facebook?

Weenurse · 03/11/2019 01:20

Does he have a phone that works in other countries

Aquamarine1029 · 03/11/2019 01:20

Would be usually be in regular contact?

HeddaGarbled · 03/11/2019 01:22

Drinking then sleeping?

HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:24

I hope it’s the last one! I really expected him to call my son after the game ended as he’s a big fan. No contact at all is really weird for him. I don’t have the details of the person he’s with and also feel conscious of looking like a stalker.

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Sakura7 · 03/11/2019 01:24

Given the time difference he's probably just sleeping off a hangover right now.

Lweji · 03/11/2019 01:25

Do you know where he's staying?

Sakura7 · 03/11/2019 01:26

Also probably costs a lot to call or text and he might be waiting til he has wifi so he can use WhatsApp

HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:27

Ok thanks for the replies. He’s probably asleep but I was trying to get in touch with him when he’d have definitely still have been up - he has a hereditary heart issue which puts me on edge and I think part of me is a bit suspicious which is just horrible as he’s never given me any reason to be.

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HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:28

His phone is through work as he has to go abroad a lot so he wouldn’t worry about using it to call - I don’t know where he’s staying - just feels a bit strange.

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DonKeyshot · 03/11/2019 01:30

He's probably cried into 10+ pints of his Kirin and should be surfacing soon - at the time of writing it's 10.30am in Tokyo and he may not wake up until gone midday.

Add extra time for stumbling around with a hangover, need to eat etc, and if he makes an allowance for the time difference I suspect you'll get a call after 9 or 10am this morning.

When is he due to fly back?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/11/2019 01:31

Could just be his phone is dead or he's lost it while out drinking. Hope he is in contact soon.

SucculentCandle · 03/11/2019 01:31

He's probably drowned his sorrows and sleeping off a massive hangover but you're not weird to be worried. I hope you hear from him very soon if you haven't already.

Meshy23 · 03/11/2019 01:31

The match finished at 8.30 pm in Tokyo so realistically he could have been drinking all day and then continued to the early hours and be sleeping off a hangover - given its still only 10.30am Over there. He may have felt it was too late to call your DC - or may have been too drunk to do so.

So perhaps give it to the early hours UK time and give him a call and check WhatsApp for when he was last online.

If he went to see rugby it’s unlikely he would have taken a lady.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:33

He needs to get back to Shanghai then flying back into London and arriving early Monday morning - just realised I literally have no clue on where he’s staying / what flight he’s getting etc but have never really needed to know before. Yes I strongly suspect there’s been a fair amount of crying / drinking going on.

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HouseworkAvoider10 · 03/11/2019 01:35

He's drinking.
Don't worry.
He'll roll back home, as planned.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:39

Thanks for all the replies - youngest child has not been sleeping and it’s been a long working week so slightly strung out anyway. Have spent have my time feeling terrified he’s dead and the other half of my time convincing myself he’s being unfaithful - need to bloody mediate or something!

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Italiangreyhound · 03/11/2019 01:42

Just hand holding and hoping all is well.

Thanks
JasonPollack · 03/11/2019 01:42

Bloody selfish to go awol. Rugby or no rugby. My dp used to do it but never would now post kids. Does he have form?

SuchAToDo · 03/11/2019 01:45

Do you know any of the friends he went with?...can you find their Facebook's and see if they have updated?...do you know hotel he is staying at?...can you call/email the reception and explain you are worried and ask them to check he is ok and get him to contact you

IWantADifferentName · 03/11/2019 01:45

Japan uses a different mobile telecom system. It is CDMA and W-CDM, not GSM.

When I last visited (granted, that was 10 years ago or so), my UK phone would not work there. In fact, I think only two of the phones on the market at the time would work and they were the seriously high end ones.

Things may have changed but Just wanted to let you know there could be a very innocent explanation.

TheBouquets · 03/11/2019 01:48

If you know what Airport he will arrive back at your could search the arrivals to find out which plane he will hopefully be on.

DameofDarts · 03/11/2019 01:48

Do you usually know where he's staying? Not on that he hasn't told you the hotel and flight details, especially as you have children. Just common sense in case of emergency and mobile phone failure.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:52

Thanks everyone. He had made contact since he’s been in Tokyo but maybe that’s when he was in the hotel and it’s harder when out and about.

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HeyThereDelilah1 · 03/11/2019 01:55

No I don’t know where he’s staying - in future I’ll ask for that info. I’ve never known him to go awol and we’ve been together for 10 years. I’m tempted to look up his friend and add him on Facebook but feel embarrassed to do so, especially as he’s a work contact of my dh too.

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