Husband awol in Tokyo

[HeyThereDelilah1]

I feel like I’m going slightly insane, my husband is in Tokyo for the rugby - went with a friend I don’t know, but has been completely out of contact for nearly 24 hours - we’ve got two young children and he’s not answering calls and there’s been no communication whatsoever. Am I weird being worried? Potentially too much time on my own but I have a bad feeling...

Agree to flight details and hotel name!

DH travels for work and although i rarely bother to look at the details, it’s handy to have.

On one occasion a terrorist incident occurred whilst he was in the country he was working in, around the time his flight landed, i couldn’t get hold of him on the phone but knew it wasn’t his flight as i had the relevant information.

Just one thing in his defence, the time difference to Japan is very large, and he would have had a lot off jet lag.

Also roaming rates in Japan are insanely high.

1. Recommend you both getting Life360 (free app) on your phones. This app helped my friend locate her adult daughter when she went missing with a head injury abroad.

1. Always always always whenever either of you is away overnight put details of hotel, flight, train etc into phones (we use shared iPhone calendars). It just becomes a habit, we hardly ever look at the details but if there's any kind of emergency with the kids or house or family we can always get hold of each other or at least leave a message or know whereabouts they are.

Some people will say this is all a bit controlling! My argument is that we both chose to have kids and to commit to each other. So we are both responsible for ensuring we are not causing worry to the other person, especially in the case of a child being seriously ill/injured.

Glad he's ok OP

Japan is very safe, he will be fine. Try not to worry.

Good stuff, glad he’s safe. Reckon he owes you one!

the excitement of the match had done something to his heart

Well yes, its been broken by the less than spectacular English team perfomace no wonder he's been on the pop and sleeping, poor lad all that way then you have your nose rubbed in the dirt:(

One of my family has just been to a remote part of Africa and I didn't hear from them for nearly two weeks. 24 hours is nothing.

@Wheat2Harvest I frequently go to remote parts of Africa. But I always let my grown up kids know when I'm about to disappear into the zone where they can't reach me, and let them know where I'm staying, and how long I'll be.

They're fine with that, but if I was in a developed world capital city and they couldn't reach me for 24 hours, they'd be a lot more worried

DH and I are only in touch a little when he is abroad but onetime I had exciting news When he was in Malaysia and I couldn’t get hold of him as he was in a jungle with no signal. It was when there were some kidnappings going on so I did get stressed.

I remember when my cousin visited me this summer when her husband was in Tokyo. He was ringing about 11 in the evening when it was about that time in the morning here

So glad to read your update OP.

And asking for the flight and hotel details is not controlling at all. It’s sensible.

@DowntownAbby
Pretty normal behaviour to share itinerary when one of us is travelling. Might never need it, but useful to have them in case of flight delays, weather events etc.
Nothing to do with treating each other like a teenager!

@StealthPolarBear

"but if that was the case I would hope he's smart enough to not draw attention to himself by staying in regular contact."

OP was worried he might have been cheating. My point was if that was the case he would be more likely to stay in regular contact with the OP to avoid suspicion. A comma after "himself" would have probably made it clearer.

Anyway OP, I'm glad all is well.

In future if he travels, you need his itinery - flight number and hotel details.

Like his mum might have done when he was a teenager?

No, @DowntownAbby, like a responsible adult.

If a plane 'from Tokyo ' goes down or there is an incident, family needs to know which flight their loved one was on. same if there is a fire or bombing in a hotel.

DH has travelled the world for 40 years with work and as a minimum he gives me his flight details and hotel. It's basic information in case I need to know, or he needed to know if there was an emergency this end with me or the kids.

roaming rates in Japan are insanely high

I just paid a daily rate through my normal mobile phone contract - £6 a day.

Lots of people we know buy a new sim when they arrive.

In future if he travels, you need his itinery - flight number and hotel details.
Like his mum might have done when he was a teenager?

Its just common sense to know your partner's (or other close family member in certain circumstances) flight details, hotel and a rough itinerary. It means they can contact you in an emergency, and if they are in an incident it can be easier to deal with and contact officials too. Plus, don't most couples just share this kind of information with each other naturally anyway? Pretty much everyone I know would do.

Non-Japanese phones rarely work in Japan so he probably can't use his there. WiFi is surprisingly hard to come by in Tokyo as many people use pocket WiFi or Japan residents rely on their generous data packages for internet. So he was probably only able to contact you over wi-fi in the hotel and not out and about. I'd still be annoyed for making you worry but that could easily be reason why...

Sorry, completely missed the last page of posts with the OPs update! Glad to know all is well.
Agree it's a good idea to share all details of travel with your partner. I travel a lot for work and always share my flight, hotel etc with my husband just in case. I also often share my Uber journeys with him even when I'm the other side of the world and traveling alone. Neither of us are massive worriers, it just makes us both feel more safe, and more connected.

DH and I always put any flight numbers plus the hotel name and address into the shared family Google calendar when we're away seperately - it's a just in case thing and a good idea I think.

Non-Japanese phones rarely work in Japan so he probably can't use his there.
WiFi is surprisingly hard to come by in Tokyo

I don't think this is the case anymore.

All of our phones worked perfectly, and on our own UK contracts, this summer regardless of where we were. Have known friends who have been in recent years and they've all had no issues either - closing either to use their own uk contracts or buy a sim for their phone when they arrive.

We had wifi in every hotel we ate at, most shopping centres, most restaurants, etc. Not many cities/towns had it out and about in public streets, though Tokyo did in a few of their parks.

should have said - hotels we stayed at (or happened to visit)

"One of my family" is very different to your spouse, whom you might also need to contact about an emergency situation with your joint children. The spouse is then liaison to any wider family in the unlikely event that contact needs to be made - sudden life threatening illness of an elderly parent would also mean spouse needing locating an informing in case they needed to return early, for example.

As a young single adult I was out of contact with anyone for a month at a time for 6 months while backpacking (agreement to locate a satellite phone on the first of every month) but that would be irresponsible with younger children left at home with a spouse, or with elderly parents.

Only your closest person needs to know contact details in case you need to be reached, and can act as liaison.

Personally if I were in Tokyo I would go awol too. Ive always wanted to visit Japan. I'm sure he's fine.

He's made contact already mamandematribu

I do think generally in the life phase during which you have shared responsibility for dependant children going properly AWOL for any length of time, as in not leaving hotel/ accommodation contact details just in case of real emergency, is off the menu.