To be unbelievably pissed off

[Pistwe]

Travelled 3.5 hours to see OHs friends for the weekend . Toddler and heavily pregnant .

Left early Quick pasty lunch on motorway Plus sand which for toddler .

Arrive straight to OH friends . Sit for a bit . Agreed before we left that toddler ( and I ) must eat a proper meal before we go to an outdoors event .

Long story short . Didn’t get a proper meal as he didn’t plan properly and no time to eat and seemed happy to let eating go , couldn’t make scene in front of his friends . My toddler has had a bag of chips for tea . The half hour event actually lasted three hours in the freezing cold . The toddler has gone to sleep without eating . We are still waiting for some food , and I feel sick .

AIBU for being completely pissed off with him for making us miss a meal and keeping us outside in the fucking freezing cold for hours longer than we were told .

Do men know what the fuck pregnancy feels like .

I fully get why you are upset.

However, the fact that you didn’t feel comfortable enough to voice that you and toddler needed something to eat to your husband and in front of his friends says a lot.

This could have been so easily solved if you’d just said that. He should have of course been more thoughtful.

What time did you arrive at friends? If you left early and it was 3.5 hours thats loads of time before event.

I can't understand the timeline of events. Nor do I understand you saying that you couldn't cause a scene infront of his friends. I can't imagine not being able to say " Dc and I need to eat before we go to this event ..." Why would that create a "scene"

I understand why you feel that dh was thoughless and inconsiderate (as were the friends) but I dont understand your passivity.

It sounds dire, but what on earth made you want to go with a child, when pregnant, so far to meet your dps friends?

Why is your H the one who gets to decide whether you take the pushchair or not? Why did he get the final say on that, and not you? And why does he not consider your needs as real needs?

Are these attitudes of his a regular part of your relationship in general? Sounds very worrying if so.

I did wonder the same Branleuse

My absolute best friend in the world had a hen do 3.5 hours away & I refused to go as I was heavily pregnant. 36wks

YABU to expect two males who haven't seen each other for a while to prioritise your needs over their fun, and to think that you and toddler eating properly is as important as you think it is. Your OH may have been super attentive to your every need during first pregnancy but that evaporates by second pregnancy, believe me.

It's really sad that this has been your experience of having children with someone. I hope you are in a happier place now, but please believe that you deserve better.

Charityconundrum

I hadn't seen that until you reposted but my god, I hope wil be sure my daughters don't feel that way

You need to stand up for your child and yourself, stop just going along with what your thoughtless idiot boyfriend wants. Tell him what the toddler’s needs are and yours then tell him it needs to happen. Definitely don’t do this again.

What was the event?

This sounds like the chaps were left to organise things and well they didn't.

Did you dh have any clue about the food situation or just thought he could wing it

Next time (if there is one), I wouldn't feel about speaking up in front of his friends. Your and your child's needs are important, too, and it's not rude to insist that you have food at a reasonable hour.

I'd also put a stop to this nonsense about leaving behind the pushchair. Why does his opinion matter more than yours? If you think you'll need it, I'd bring it. Or is he happy to carry your daughter around if/when she's tired of standing or walking?

*feel bad

Your toddler hasn’t gone to sleep without eating though, they had chips?

Who drives 3.5 hours to attend an event and has no plan for a fucking meal when they have a young child?

You. Take some responsibility!

In my family in that situation with a small child the conversation would have been 'where and when are we going to eat because if 'Bob' gets hungry he will scream the place down and you don't want to see me preghangry'

if those plans then went tits up I would have been on a mission to eat before agreeing to move on to the next bit (although a bag of chips is perfectly acceptable in this situation imo).

Either you need to be more assertive, or your DP is a shitty partner who doesn't give a crap about you at the moment. Which is it?

I'm assuming you are financially dependent on him which is why he gets to call the shots about when to eat, brunch etc.

Some people would call that financial abuse..

You have a real DH issue here

The pushchair thing is weird. Why would your DP do that? Is he up his own arse a lot in front of these friends and other people about stuff like that?

My ExH was. Glad he's my ex.

Why did you go? You have a voice in you don’t you? Say no. Why would you agree to that! Do you just do everything he wants? Stop. Start practising the word NO. No way I’d sit in a car that long while pregnant and with a toddler and in the rain. This is on you I’m afraid. Plus you knew you were going. You should have prepared a full pack up. Sarnies, sausage rolls, houmous, crackers etc you know when you and toddler need to eat. Be prepared. Dial down the rage and start sorting yourself out and stop relying on a bloke and doing everything a bloke wants to do. Height of being sad!

I understand what its like to be pregnant and hungry but I don't think your child has been harmed by just having chips for supper and I do think you could also have taken some responsibility for the situation - like bringing some food, suggesting stopping on the way for food and preventing him from trying to cancel the breakfast. Speak up or make a plan.

OP, unless there are some bigger issues in your relationship here I really don’t understand why you didn’t say “toddler has to eat now, do you have anything in? Okay will sort something.” “No, we’re taking the pushchair” “sure lets do brunch but toddler had to have breakfast”. You’re blaming DP’s friends but it sounds like you didn’t even ask if they had food? I’m not trying to have a go but you’re getting angry with everyone else for not doing anything without actually seeming to ask for anything and expecting everyone to mind read. The pushchair thing is ridiculous but why didn’t you just say what you said here?

I too am kind of curious about the cancelling of breakfast.

But let's back up a bit. How was it you went on this event anyways? Were you invited and you said yes? Or?

Why do you keep going along with everything your husband says? He sounds like a knob.

"OH refused to let me take the pushchair for the toddler"
In what way could he have stopped you?

I think it's time you stopped being dictated to by your fuckwitted husband, stopped being dictated to by your reluctance to cause a scene, stopped being dictated to by politeness. There is a time for politeness, and this is categorically NOT such a time. Fuck it, I'd even take pleasure in showing him up as a total bellend in front of his mates. He deserves it.

You need to start putting your foot down with a firm hand OP.

OP i am so sorry this sounds awful and your not so dear partner is completely wrong not to be looking out for you and your child, and absolutely twattish to insist on not taking the pushchair.

You are in a strange place and stuck with people who have no interest or care in your needs it would appear.

I am afraid OP you need to talk to your partner and you need to get some assertiveness training for yourself, if you can, or read up on line. You are a person in your own right and you need to stand up for those rights.

I am afraid your husband is indeed a massive knob. I am so sorry.

The "kid"

Are these threads real? Who goes anywhere without snacks to keep a toddler fed - especially a long journey to stay in a hotel.