To ask you why so many children have anxiety these days

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Why is today's parenting producing youngsters with so little resilience?

Except nobody has said all parents of children with anxiety are the same. There's loads of different examples of parenting decisions and approaches on this thread.

But parenting trends and approaches have changed over time and there's even within the last 5/10 years there's a difference.

All lots of us have said is that parenting behaviours and choices do promote certain behaviours/mindset or reinforce particular approaches which may explain an increase in children and teens with medically diagnosed anxiety or a series of behaviours driven by an approach that suggests the world is a threat, they've got to be top, or where a teen finds the world overwhelming because theyve never had to learn how to deal with things.

I don't agree. I was an anxious child 40 odd years ago. No one did anything. We're just more aware now I think.

I've put both my kids in competitive sport. They've both very 'normal kids who handle pressure brilliantly. It's very noticeable that their peers are treated like babies by their parents (kids are 6). i expect mine to be fine. Nerves are normal instead of, oh you poor thing etc etc.

Annoying parent at school keeps harping on about mindfulness and how the kids need lessons. The kids just need adults to be adults and stop everyone expecting them to be bloody anxious or stressed out!

But which is it, all 3( quite prescriptive)?Those parenting styles have always been around.I thought the parenting style most likely to cause anxiety was v strict and authoritarian, that extreme isn’t that common.

When we were kids no one intervened when we were bullied , and no one talked to us about life issues such as abuse , consent bereavement etc

I literally only learnt about this in my late 30s

I question whether it’s that kids are more anxious or are we more aware

Blaming LGBT people for kids' anxiety is quite a stretch. I knew what LGBT people were as a kid and it has nothing to do with my mental health issues.

It's not social media from my pov. My eldest is only 7 and has anxiety, but hes had it since being about 4 or 5. He is such a worrier. It's awful. The first few weeks starting in reception he was having actual panic attacks about going in to school. It was heartbreaking to see. It wasn't "recognised" back then, but I clearly had huge anxiety too, even from a very young age. My mum says he's just like me, but we have a name for it now and moew awareness. He's an incredibly sensitive little boy and such a lovely human being. I know how to handle him and his anxieties atm. Dreading teenage years though. My youngest is asd and has anxiety along side that, but it manifests itself in different ways.

Don't know but I had dreadful anxiety as a child in the 80s/90s and it wasn't ever picked up on so maybe it's not increased, just recognised more.

Stop reading newspapers.

I think it’s about getting a happy medium. Kids these days are exposed to a lot of media pressure and school work is more intense. However teaching methods have changed and information is more available.

On the other side there is too much emphasis on achievements, everyone has their unique abilities but not are all equally recognised.

Life is competitive but children often aren’t taught to be competitive.

Whilst mental health is in my mind as important I think it is used too loosely, it seems everyone is suffering from stress and anxiety.
Also I think kids are exposed far to early to age related material often not allowed to be kids.

Nettleskiens You done the right thing, you say you knew what you Daughter needed and it was your job to respond. Many children are in daycare these days and only have a very limited time with their Mums, they dont have the luxury of being taken to/ being picked up from school,someone else does that job, someone who doesnt have time to listen to them as they have many children to look after and many updates to write in the childrens diaries.Your Daughter was lucky to have your attention and i am glad to hear it paid off.

There are socio-economic roots to anxiety - austerity, lack of solidarity and security all play a major role. It isn't just to do with individuals and how they're parented, it's also the broader culture/society. Britain at the moment is so divided and angry, the government so inept and the future so uncertain that kids pick up on that. The dismantling of the welfare state, zero-hours contracts and the roughness and crudity of public and political discussions are enough to make anyone depressed.

I think it is a lack of coping skills. Parents solve problems for their children all the time instead of letting the child work out how to deal with something for themselves.

This list may mean there is more to deal with but if the skills are allowed to develop then children cope with these things.

1. more pressure academically
2. social media/technology
3. bullying has evolved alongside SM
4. we talk about our feelings more
5. more broken families
6. blended families
7. financial struggles are worse
8. families move around more

It certainly seems to be the case that children who are home-educated are less anxious. My own children who are still retry young aren’t anxious at all and I can’t think of any of their home-Ed friends who are anxious or stressed.

Having said that. I do believe that social media is a big cause of anxiety and stress in older children. Not just the pressures of schooling.

I also think it's down to parents wanting their child to like them all of the time, to the extent that the parent behaves like their child's friend and not as a responsible adult. Sometimes it's absolutely necessary to say NO to a child and not give them what they want, but some parents seem terrified of doing this. Children then grow up knowing their parent isn't in charge and that they can manipulate and control their own parent which, deep down, must be terrifying.

@Holyshitbags the only kids I know that are home schooled though are because they can’t cope with going to school because of severe anxiety or mental health problems ... so the cause of the anxiety is removed, which is great, but what happens when they have to go to uni or an apprenticeship or get a job ?

@footiefan2019
Most of our home Ed friends are electively home Ed from the start or fairly close to the start of schooling age.
There are provisions in our area for teens to attend college and by all accounts this is proving to be very popular and the teens I know of are very popular amongst the tutors for being self-led and confident.
College and university are very different to school anyway, and most home educated children are used to working under their own steam with guidance so this transfers to university pretty well.

Don’t forget that home-educated children are out in the real world all week - they have to converse and interact with humans that aren’t just their own age, so in that way I would say they are far more equipped for a job and the real world than their schooled peers. X

As much as we are all aware of mental health and talking about it with young people there is still a huge gap in the psycho education around it.

I've recently counselled 2x16yr olds and have had to educate around anxiety, the science part as well as the primal instinct part.
This and once I'd explained that we never want to get rid of anxiety completely marked a change in the work we were able to do and the outlook they were able to have.
So as many other posters have said, it's always been there, now it has a name and with awareness increasing so will the visibility of those dealing with it but also the lack of actual education around it leads to the 'I have anxiety' yep you do, as a living human it's normal, those without anxiety are dead.
Same as depression, the difference between long term and situational to feeling low occasionally.

I would also suggest the pressures of school expectations (working with young people in a therapy setting.... Very prevalent) as well as the shocking state of the future in this country, more and more young people are aware of politics etc as we include them in conversation/social media etc.
Also as having any opinion and speaking up about it being mocked as being a 'snowflake' or 'offended' then throw in a gender identification slur at the same time (often with zero understanding of the subject or any relevance to the conversation) .

Young people cannot win, huge pressure, unlikely to have a secure home of their own, mocked incessantly by adults.... It's it any wonder you are seeing more of it?

@Holyshitbags that sounds really good actually and maybe it’s because I don’t know people who are doing home Ed like you are that my perception is different. I can see how there would be scope to make kids MORE prepared for the real world instead of less. I certainly think as a teen I would have thrived doing something more self led.
The families I know doing it seem to just be doing so their child is basically never without them? It seems that way to me anyway. They say the children don’t need friends etc as it doesn’t interest them. But I thinks this feeds the anxiety as it makes the real world seem scary

Does nobody think it's in any way linked to massive inequality? Child poverty rates in Britain are shameful - all the talk about 'lack of resilience' is a distraction at best.

It’s great that there is more openness around mental health, and reducing the stigma. However, my experience has been that the professionals seem more keen than me to reduce self-reliance. DD2 has diagnosed anxiety and is on the autistic spectrum. I’m trying to encourage her to get in a regular routine and attend school every day for some of the time at least, as in the world of work she will have to go every day (whether that be full or part time). But CAMHS don’t back this up, they tell her not to push herself and if she doesn’t feel she can go she shouldn’t. When I talk to DD about work, she just says that she will get a part time job and they will have to make accessibility arrangements. Personally, if I had an employee that couldn’t guarantee to be in every day barring the odd sick day here and there I’d be managing them out. When she is on form she is articulate and capable, so it’s not the same as having someone with obvious learning difficulties. She gets tired (she doesn’t go to sleep until the early hours as I often hear her moving round on her room) and can’t be bothered, then blames it on her anxiety.

Ah yes, "So little resilience", otherwise known as "no longer having to put up with shit and actually get some support to combat crappy behaviour from others". Such terrible times we live in!

No, it's just actually diagnosed now, people are more aware and people are (or should be) more considerate of the differences of others.

@Footiefan2019
It’s true that whilst our children don’t form those sorts of friendships that you do at school from seeing the same kids day in and day out this also means you don’t get that backbiting and bitchiness that I certainly remember from school. I’m not saying there isn’t any because of course kids will be kids but it means that children can choose who to spend time with - so the friendships are chosen rather than forced. Plus, I guess I’m lucky in that respect as there are 14 months between my girls and so they are each other’s best friends 😁
Also, i have found that my kids play equally well with little 2/3 year olds and teens and all the way inbetween - they just adjust their games accordingly.
We are also protected somewhat from comparison and competition - thinking here of LOL dolls - my girls have been taken in by the bloody adverts 😒 but thankfully are quite happy having one or two not the whole “collection” as they have nothing to compare it to like they would if they were at school.

"So little resilience", otherwise known as "no longer having to put up with shit and actually get some support to combat crappy behaviour from others"

that's so not what it means, don't be daft. We are talking about molly cuddle kids whose hand mummy never want to let go of, until they are at least 18.

It's literally the opposite, a resilient child is one who will NOT put up with shit but will know how to stand up for himself.