Dh wants to buy a holiday home. AIBU to think it's an awful idea?

[flametrees]

Dh wants to buy a holiday home in a location we visit every year. At least once with kids and once alone.
We also visit other places though.
I cannot see any advantages to owning a holiday home there. Property is expensive for what you get.
We will have maintenance costs. The worry that it will be broken into when we are not there etc
Plus I think he will never want to visit anywhere else if he buys a holiday home there. While I enjoy the location it isn't somewhere I want to limit my entire future holidays to.

AIBU to think buying a holiday home is a really bad idea?

Think how many different holidays you could have for the price of a holiday home.
Maybe this summer, suggest renting a place . The reality of your DH thinking he can just commute may prove your point.It involves hours hanging around airports.
My friend had a beautiful house about 4 1/2 hours away from home . A long time for a weekend only. She calculated that it used 10 weeks out of 52 .And a nightmare if anything goes wrong while you are not there. It was her DH dream and even he is now fed up with it .

YANBU. It might save money in the long run, but always going to the same place is no fun!

Also, if you buy abroad you're at the mercy of the foreign government suddenly changing tax laws or regulations. My friends bought a ski chalet in France, and the French government have since introduced punitive tax laws affecting foreign owners only.

We bought a holiday home in an area we love (still do) but tbh it was a waste of our money, we only went around 6x a year because of commitments, we didn't want to holiday let it so didn't respond any income from it. So after 6 years we sold it and last year bought a huge motorhome, we love it, still a home from home, full of clothes etc, but we can travel to any destination in it, best decision we made...Dogs love it too

We’ve owned two holiday homes (didn’t learn the lesson first time round!) one abroad, one in UK

It’s not worth it times a zillion.

It’s a tie, it’s hassle, it’s expebsive (eye watering), it’s hassle, you feel obliged to go there, when you are there there’s so much maintenance and admin to deal with you can’t really relax, your kids won’t thank you for taking them away for weeks on end when they are teenagers and want to stay near their friends, it’s AN ENORMOUS HASSLE

Honestjy use the money to travel far and wide, in luxury if you like, you will never regret not buying a holiday home.

Dear @flametrees - YANBU. But I think you may have a more serious problem than this one. Pause and reflect - what would you say to a friend who's husband has made a major decision about the future without her consent? One that has consequences she will be living with for many years? Would be inclined to ask her if she felt bullied?

OP, I think you're approaching this all wrong.

If I'm honest I don't even really like the area that much

^ This should be your focus, not whether a holiday home is a good investment and what the drawbacks are

If it were an area you were in love with like your DH is, the situation would be different. But in this case, his dream is your hell, so that's what you need to be explaining to him.

I agree with the PP who suggested making it clear to him that you won't be spending holidays there - having you and the DC waiting for him in his holiday home while he's working in the UK might be his dream, but you're not props for his life!

I think you need to make it clearer to him that this is his dream, not a joint one.

I'd be inclined to tell him to crack on with it but you're having nothing to do with it. You won't be looking at pictures, going for lookarounds, helping with the legal stuff, going there for any holidays, finding cleaners/managers etc etc.

I daresay he won't be quite so keen once he knows he'll have to do it all.

You don't even really like the place.
Enough said!
Tell your DH to stop being so pig-headed and to quit pushing his unilateral decision onto you! You BOTH have to want this and that's not the case. This discussion should be over.

I entirely agree with you, OP. Holiday homes are a silly idea for most people. We had lots of lovely holidays in other people's holiday homes in all sorts of places when I was a child. Having to take responsibility for any of them would have been hideous, as would have been going endlessly back to the same place all the time.

DH inherited a 1 bed place in The Canaries. He shares it with his brother. I hate it frankly. We have dd so can only go at school hols. The flight back this midterm was HORRIFIC. The airport was stacked. Everyone frazzled. An older woman kicked off because some toddlers were crying near her. Thought she was going to have to be taken off by security. Flight delayed....and that's not the 1st time we've had problems getting back before. Fine going out but the return is delayed usually or in one memorable event cancelled.

As we drove to the apartments, there was a woman flat out on the pedestrian crossing drunk. Her friends were also pissed trying to get her up. They held up traffic for 10 mins. That sort of carry on all the time then increase it in the summer as well as hen and stag trips.
It isnt like poppingbdown the road for a long weekend and it is not home really. I hate that particular part of the islands, though there are lovely parts to it. I speak Spanish which helps a lot but even at that, we wont be locals living there.
We have been a few times in 15 years as have other members of the family but his dad does not travel now and I would personally love it if we got rid. And as an investment I dont know how much of an asset it really has been.

Boiler went a few months ago. There is all the headache about possible Brexit. His brother doesn't live in Uk anymore and so they wont be there more than once a year for the foreseeable.
I agree as well, hh artificially change the housing market of an area.
Thanks for listening cos my DH doesn't listen to my feelings about it. He loves it. I hate it and I shan't be taking a trip again anytime soon.

Every time he sends you a link to a property, write back to say "yes very nice, but I don't want to visit this location more often than we already do so it will be a waste of money to buy a place there".

I think it makes sense if you can rent it out and make income when you are not there and if you plan to retire then someday. Otherwise not worth it. Actually or maybe if you have loads of money then it make sense too.

Sounds like a bad idea for a number of reasons. The main one isyou don’t like the area particularly. I’d be upset about unilateral decisions and even more ambivalent about me spending all summer with the children whilst he was absent.
We have a small holiday place but it’s near enough to go for weekends, friends and family use it and any costs are met by the odd letting. I would not want it to be our sole holiday destination.

I think it's the sort of thing that could easily become a millstone round your neck, and would never buy one. You can have an awful lot of holidays for the cost of buying a holiday home. I don't think the convenience factor is worth the cost and potential for hassle.

Dh also toys with the idea of buying a holiday home in Spain. A few of our friends and family have places over there but I don’t like the particular area (torrevieja) and like visiting different places. On the couple of occasions we’ve visited the kids have loved it though.

I keep saying no because you could get a lot of holidays for the cost of a place there, it’s cheap to rent a place if we do want to go (which I don’t). If there are maintenance issues there may be added expense. If you don’t go regularly and it seems a villa or anything with gardens you will need to make sure it’s maintained. If it’s on a complex the people who are there full time or more often generally make all the decisions regarding the complex (opening times of pool, works to be done, etc) If property is burgled (have heard of this) you may need to go out there to deal with it. If you rent it out you can’t leave your own stuff out there.

The only plus I can see is that kids like it and it’s nice for them to have a home from home especially if there are often friends out there at same time.

What else could you do with the money? Couldn't you invest it as a 'holiday fund' and use the profits to pay for holidays? You'd keep the capital, in a way that doesn't require work on your part. You could have lots of fun together deciding where to go each year.

I think you need a 'counter vision' and a 'counter proposal'. The above is a good proposal. Your vision needs to be how you see you and the children enjoying holidays in future, plus excitement about the places you'd like to visit and explore. So exciting for the dcs to be able to expose Europe / the world! (and have some time to relax at home and see their friends in the holidays too).

Oops, that was explore rather than expose but you know what I mean. Be exposed to, I suppose!

Even though you’re clearly rich, property purchases should be something agreed together.

You disagree on this so need to seek to resolve it

If you don’t like that particular area is there one you do like?

DH will see all the pros and you will see all the cons.

Personally I like having places where you know the area, where all the supermarkets are, comfortable beds etc.

If you want to go somewhere different - the rental income will pay for your holiday.

It's also financially very rash given the Spanish housing market and economy, not even mentioning Brexit

How many holidays could you buy for the cost of the holiday home ?
Factoring in cost of maintenace, cleaning, utility bills, travel costs every time to go there, etc.
Seems a no brainer to me.

What worries me about this issue is that you're talking about your husband going ahead and buying a home without you even though you've said you don't want to.

You hate the area, you don't want to go there all the time and he's just ignoring you.

Your language about him buying it is interesting. If I buy a bag, some clothes that's my purchase but I would never ever make a huge financial decision without my partner.
Do you have a say over other decisions?

I'd also be suspicious about someone who would be happy for his wife and children to spend all summer away from him with him popping over when he can. Sounds like he wants you out of the way tbh.

If I were you I'd send him info on other places you'd like to go. I'd research somewhere the kids would love and start a campaign to go there for the next holiday

What would you rather he spent the money on? For him, it sounds as though buying a holiday home is meeting lots of different needs. He gets to be the same as his friends. He gets to invest his money. He has an excuse to visit an area he loves.
I'd probably negotiate from the other side ie start from the basis he buys the holiday home. Tell him how often you're not going to be there so eg yy buy the hh if you want but I'll still spend 2 weeks every summer somewhere else and I'll spend the Oct holiday somewhere else, etc.
You've said the DCs love going there. Probably your family and friends will use it too if you let them. You don't need to view it as a millstone round your neck.

^How many holidays could you buy for the cost of the holiday home ?
Factoring in cost of maintenace, cleaning, utility bills, travel costs every time to go there, etc. Seems a no brainer to me.^

But then that money spent on holidays is just gone. Whereas with a holiday home the money is invested and will bring ya return. (Vagaries of Spanish economy aside).

Renting it out covers maintenance costs, so if you do it right it pays for itself. So for holidays you’re only paying for flights.