To spend babies first Christmas " just us"

[bubs80]

Sorry another Christmas one ...

Baby will be 10 months old I want to spend the day with baby and my partner.

Partners mum ,my mom and my sibling were initially coming and cooking which was nice. Then partners mum asked if she could bring along her sibling and wife. We feel this is too many adults and we barely know the sibling and wife so don't want to spend Christmas Day with them. ( for context we have only seen them once this year when I was pregnant )

Now partners mum suggests the three of them eating at her house and then they come and visit . I feel she has missed the point entirely of us saying we want a quiet Christmas as them visiting eating or not is still them visiting ..

What do I do ? Just say no we are having Christmas on our own ? Cancel my own mum too to save awkwardness.

@BubblesBuddy but isn't it treating baby like a possession to say they must see baby if have gave gifts

when it is Christmas and they are your close family

But they're NOT close family. That's the point. The OP and her DH have seen them once this year, they may be lovely or they may be the sort who get posted about on here - expect to sit and be waited on, sit with a cat's bum face and nothing's good enough - who knows.

The spirit of Christmas isn't dead on MN, but there's a line to be drawn between behaviour that is totally selfish, and having to put yourself out for everyone and anyone else regardless of what you want and the effect it's going to have on your own Christmas.

@Wonkybanana they are nice people but we aren't close. Seen once this year and about 4 times otherwise in general ( in 5 years ) so it would feel abit random them being here on our first Christmas with baby

@Fweakout - but the OP can control if she chooses to. The more the merrier school doesn’t work for everyone.

"Your partner’s mother is attempting to hijack your Christmas by asking to bring her sibling and partner "
No she's not! Ridiculous. She's probably felt nagged into doing something with her brother and/or "thought it would be nice". Got the gist and has backed off.

"They are nice but we're not close" - well they are only talking about stopping by for a cup of tea and to say hi. It's not unreasonable for your MIL to want to do that.

You're building up the idea of "baby's precious first Christmas" into some massive emotive deal with a ton of pressure to be special. Without company or something to give it some structure it could fall really flat.

Honestly, just have it yourselves and then visit everyone else on xmas eve/day/boxing day. Then no one feels left out and for the next christmas' you can do as you wish with no expectations being placed on you.

We always have it ourselves and then visit in laws on boxing day/after.

I think you are being unfair OP to have your Mum there and not any of your DP's family. What does he want?

A compromise would be letting everyone pop round out with the meal and having most to the day just the three of you. Or having the DGPs over on Boxing Day. You don't need to make a big meal, just do nibbles/party food?

I appreciate you have anxiety (as do I) but sometimes you need to consider not just your own feelings but that of your partner/immediate family too

What's the point of having a 'just us' Christmas with a baby? It'll be like any random week day. They'll nap and shit and smear food on the sofa, same as every other day of the year. I think you're imagining it as some sort of movie version of a family Christmas; in my eyes it's dull and still filled with the same old chores, and not even any other adults around to share a glass of champagne with.

We had Christmas last year just me, fiancé and baby and it was amazing! We saw wider family a few days later we'll probably do same again this year.

Life is short so please just spend Christmas Day with whoever you wish.

I thought your DMIL suggestion of visiting after they’ve eaten was a good one. I wouldn’t cancel DM.

If they did visit I’d keep it short even though they’re quite far away. If they don’t want to come for a shortish visit then leave it.

@whattodoabout- I’ve only ever had Christmas just with my DC and DH, I’d never have it any other way. Fuck family.

I hope you’ll be ok when your DC say that about you one day!

I think this is fine but it would also be nice to arrange to see them all on Xmas Eve or boxing day instead.

I’ve only ever had Christmas just with my DC and DH, I’d never have it any other way. Fuck family.

It’s Scrooge..The second coming.

@Marnie76 We see relatives before Christmas, don’t just exclude them entirely but the actual day is for us as a family and always has been. Our families don’t mind, they all do their own thing too and yes, I will understand if my DC are the same.

@Freddiefox meh, I love Christmas and I’m not a rich mean old man either so hardly a Dickensian dream .

I do see my relatives as explained above but not on the actual day, mostly cause I can’t be bothered leaving the house and I don’t think they can either.

"mostly cause I can’t be bothered leaving the house and I don’t think they can either."

not very festive that is it?

Truth be told though, people's lives are knackering and Christmas can be a legit day off and a rare chance to just be with immediate family.

Staying put on your own is a way more reasonable option than traipsing young kids to 4 different sets of demanding relations. But OP I think your MILs request to visit is utterly reasonable and would bring her pleasure to see her (first?) grandchild on Xmas day. On balance for me if two onlookers come along for the ride, that would be worth it. The good thing is it is your home and you set the terms - ie come at 5 - 7.30. Baby going in bath/bed then so they need to go. You decide what hospitality is offered if any.

But they're NOT close family
They are to MIL. She didn't invite them she asked, you said no, shetgen suggested they'd have dinner and pop in the evening.
I'd let them it is Christmas, especially as your DM is there.

@EmeraldShamrock just a little hurt That she ultimately chose them over us .. she had originally said she would actually cook dinner for us which was going to be so lovely .

oh don't be daft, OP, she didn't "choose them over you". Give over. She's been nagged into it/thought it would be nice/it wouldn't be any bother for you as she was doing the cooking.....then couldn't rescind the invitation to her sibling and has proposed something she thought would work.

And your mum and sibling were going to share the cooking yes?

Say no to the sibling and wife if you want but I think it’d be a bit U on your mum and sibling to bin them off too. If they’re doing the cooking, and I’d definitely make sure they kept to that, I don’t see how an extra 2 adults would be that stressful.

Don’t underestimate how valuable doting and supportive grandparents can be, don’t push them away x

‘Christmas is about family’ yeah, and relatives are not necessarily ‘family’, family is what we choose for ourselves, people’s contraceptive choices 40+ years ago does not=‘family’, there’s no need to allow people you vaguely know into your home, no matter what date it is. Christmas really isn’t a big deal, despite adverts trying to whip the masses into a frenzy from September onwards, just do whatever you want, your relatives can figure it out, not your issue.

Well we take turn about with my daughter's and DGC. One year they all come to us , next year they do in laws. That's their choice and if they want to spend Christmas on their own, that's also fine.
It's one of my DGD first Christmas. We are dropping in for half an hour, and going as DD is a nurse and is working night shift on her baby's first Christmas, so we offered to go another day. We are celebrating properly on the Monday after Christmas
I don't get why everyone has to descend on a new(ish) mum and expect a full blown Christmas dinner . I remember cooking for 8 on my 4 month old baby's first Christmas , my family didn't help much and I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
I remembered that , and if we ever go to my daughter's over Christmas we take food to cut down stress.

Christmas day is only stressful if you make it so.