To spend babies first Christmas " just us"

[bubs80]

Sorry another Christmas one ...

Baby will be 10 months old I want to spend the day with baby and my partner.

Partners mum ,my mom and my sibling were initially coming and cooking which was nice. Then partners mum asked if she could bring along her sibling and wife. We feel this is too many adults and we barely know the sibling and wife so don't want to spend Christmas Day with them. ( for context we have only seen them once this year when I was pregnant )

Now partners mum suggests the three of them eating at her house and then they come and visit . I feel she has missed the point entirely of us saying we want a quiet Christmas as them visiting eating or not is still them visiting ..

What do I do ? Just say no we are having Christmas on our own ? Cancel my own mum too to save awkwardness.

What is it with all these people who, when they're invited somewhere, think it's OK to then invite other people too? The guest list is up to the host(s). The OP isn't saying her MIL can't come for Christmas, she and DH have invited her.

OP I'd say no. You haven't created this situation, the MIL has, so she has to choose. Her sibling or her grandchild. Why should she be the one to get her own way at your expense? Let your DH deal with it. Your mum has accepted the invitation as offered, not tried to move the goalposts, so I don't see why she should be un-invited. And you don't want to set a precedent where MIL feels it's OK to invite other people at other Christmases too.

@Zebraaa I am listening I do appreciate all of the comments thank you

Your partner isn't bothered about having them visit so let him be the one to say it doesn't suit. You invited his mother, she said yes, then she changed the arrangement by trying to invite extra guests. She then decided to turn down your original invite and go to lunch with her sibling/his wife. So you don't have to pander to her at all. You gave her the opportunity to have Xmas day at your house. She has declined it in favour of trying to please her sibling. She doesn't get to make alternative plans to suit her and then expect you and dp to work around them. So yes, have your mother over as originally planned, and just get dp to tell his mother you will see her Xmas eve or Boxing Day (or whenever suits you/dp).

It’s fine t to have Christmas Day on your own, but remember you are the role model for your baby, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself alone on Christmas Day in the future.

@Wonkybanana I know exactly . I was happy with MIL coming then she just invited more people . Then when we said no chose them over us but said they will all visit after their dinner 😫

Just seen your last post, maybe have them round after dinner do you don’t have to do any of the work and have mince pies

@Freddiefox I don't want to have it alone the original guest list was fine just she added more people

What's the problem with a quick visit after dinner?

@amiapropermum there isn't really I think I am just miffed that she has invited people without asking us then when we say no says she will bring them away just minus the dinner

@amiapropermum we don't live close so unlikely to be quick visit

The spirit of Christmas really is dead and buried on MN.

I agree with you about inviting other people without asking. That would annoy me too.

If she already knows your mum will be there then I don't think you can turn down a post-dinner visit without seeing like it's MIL you don't want there. It looks like it's fine for your mum but not fine for her. I know it's not an ideal situation but I think you might be best going along with the after dinner visit with a firm cut off. Invent other plans for 4.30pm for example

Well mil is happy enough to do her own thing.You do the same.I only have christmas with my dp and dc.My own ds is staying with his gf and dc.

Just dothe day you and your dp want.She was invited and tried to change the rules.So let her go elsewhere.

I think it could be nice to have them round in the evening/late afternoon for a coffee and cake.

Also it might be that dps mum feels guilted into inviting this sibling for Xmas and is trying to make it work for everyone.
^
I agree with @OwlinaTree
Your MIL is possibly being leant on too.
I'd go with it tbh, doesn't sound untenable.

We have always chosen to have Christmas 'just us' since we moved in together, though this has changed a little in recent times, but dd is now 17y. But when small we decided that we wanted Christmas Day to be just the three of us, with dd having time to open and enjoy her gifts. We didn't want to get into the whole taking turns to go to people's houses, and we didn't want to have to host - we don't do a big Christmas dinner when its just us, we just eat a nice meal of our choosing and spread it throughout the day.

We have always seen parents on both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, as well as other times over the holidays, so there has never been a thing of not seeing anyone. We always phoned or Facetimed too.

we spend plenty of time "just us" all year round.

We are the opposite really. We spend a lot of time, at weekends, throughout the year with others, hosting or visiting, socialising with family and friends. Hence deciding to make Christmas Day just for us, to do our thing, to stay in PJs all morning, to start the day with fizz, to not have to be making a ton of food, etc.

Mind this changes this year as my parents have moved much further away - so they are visiting us on Christmas Day but Im still not cooking. Like the three of us have done the past 3 years, with friends, we are going for a curry but my parents are more than happy to join us with that.

YANBU

We spent every xmas as a family without any extended.
Boxing day we get together with others.
I can't be doing with working xmas day, neither can dh, so we keep it for just us.
Our dc are doing the same it seems, I'll see my gd on Boxing Day.

YABU. Having one young child shouldn't prevent you from providing a small number of adults with some coffee and cake, especially when it is Christmas and they are your close family. You're being selfish.

Well... if your really against it then just say so.
However it's only 2 adults. Christmas is about family. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think if you accept presents from GP, you really need to see them.

Nonsense in my opinion! A child is not something to be bought! A gift should be given with love and with no expectations. And why does it have to be one specific day they are seen. What is wrong with the day before or after anyway?
Fortunately none of my family feel like giving a present means they are then entitled to insist of bing there at a certain day/time!!

We did first Christmas just us. Was so lovely

TBH I think your anxiety is making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be. I have GAD, I get it. But what is it that you think is going to happen.

Have your mum & sibling for lunch as planned (make it low key/them cooking), and bung some readymade mince pies out in the evening when the other people pop in. That's all. Lovely. Baby will either love the additional attention or be asleep. Babies are brilliant for giving everyone something to talk about. Your mum and sibling and partner can do the talking if you don't feel up to it.

All done on Xmas day and on Boxing day no commitments, cosy up and chill out.

I think you're being a bit mean. Surely them popping over to say happy Xmas and seeing baby for a little while isn't that much. I'd imagine that she realised that she was stressing you by wanting to bring her brother and his wife, hence why she changed it to them eating at hers before coming over. You'd still have most of the day stress free without them (although your family would, of course, be there!)

I think your mum would be hurt to be uninvited because your MiL wanted to bring extra guests. Why not leave your mum coming Christmas Day, suggest to MiL that if she wants Christmas lunch with her sibling they all pop over for a sandwich boxing day afternoon. Explain that too many people in the house could be overwhelming for your little one - they can have presents from MiL on Boxing day no problem so she still gets to feel part of your family Christmas

Forget about the Grinch . Your partner’s mother is attempting to hijack your Christmas by asking to bring her sibling and partner . A kind of the more the merrier scenario which isn’t at all what you and DH planned for . Seems a shame to have to backtrack and withdraw the invite to your Mum but run it past her - if it was me I’d understand the predicament you are in . Next year your baby will be aware of the lights and presents . It’s a precious first Christmas for the three of you and you should have the day you want.