To ask what things that pre children you would have seen as essential have now become a luxury?

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Last night on my way home from work i popped into next and treated myself to £88 worth of pyjamas / slippers / dressing gown. I am sick of being freezing and looking like a bag lady when at home. Pre children i would not have thought twice about this but for some reason now it feels like a luxury.

Non stained, matching pjs without holes have become a luxury.

AIBU to a) treat myself and b) ask what things pre children you wouldn't bat an eye about getting / doing have now become a luxury?

Sleep
Peace
Using the loo without dd coming to talk to me
A leisurely bath
Nice clothes (I dont look like a tramp but I miss shopping for myself)
A tidy house
First cup of tea of the day in silence
Pens (dd likes to take them to draw with and I can never find one)
Meeting up with friends spontaneously
Lazing around
Nicer cosmetics
Sleeping after 5.30am every day

Dont get me wrong I adore my dd, shes amazing, but I miss this all.

My sanity and my pelvic floor mostly.

Today DD’s at nursery, I’m off work. Contemplating all the stuff I could get done at home. Finally! I can clean out the tumble dryer fluff and wash my sofa covers!

Having read this thread, I’m instead going to take myself off to a bookshop, buy “Wilding” and read it in a cafe.

Thank you all!

Books and magazines. Don't buy them because they're expensive, but also because I never have time to sit and read them.

But being ill is the one. Just being able to go 'do you know what, I am having the worst period ever, I feel like someone has punched me in my ovaries and I hurt so much. So I'm going to lie on the sofa under a blanket watching reruns of Location Location Location and drinking peppermint tea with a family size bag of crisps'.

When I was in recovery from PND I realised that one contributory factor was that I'd basically stopped doing anything for myself after DC2 came along. I stopped spending money on myself, stopped taking time for myself, stopped taking pride in my appearance, stopped doing the things I enjoyed like reading, going to the cinema etc. So life was basically all work and childcare. It's not logistically possible to do everything I did pre-DC but I have a few 'non-negotiables' now that I make sure I find the time for and refuse to feel guilty about the cost. These are getting my eyebrows waxed and tinted monthly and getting my hair cut and coloured every 6-8 weeks (I know, it's frivolous and superficial and the money could be spent on other things but I feel so much better for it!) and going to the cinema from time to time (to see an actual grown up film that doesn't feature talking animals, with a nice cup of coffee and snacks I don't have to share!) by myself, which I love. I also try not to feel guilty for buying clothes for myself from time to time, I work bloody hard and the kids don't go without anything so rationally I know there's no reason to feel guilty. My body is ruined and I'll never look as good as I did pre-kids but I feel that dressing well helps compensate for this and makes me feel more like 'me'.

Reading loads of books/magazines. Watching the TV uninterrupted. Having no daily time scales, school run etc.

I think it's really beneficial for mothers to put themselves first occaisonally and to have regular non negotiables, either monetary or time - or both!
It's good for children to realise that mummy is a person too, also having children rarely seems to impact he father quite as much as it impacts the mother, the many many threads on MN regarding men and their hobbies testifies to that!

i agree marina my non negotiable are gym time/ nice day clothes etc. Pjs are something i totally lost care in post pregnancy

Sleep, having my nails done, haircuts, time, space, lack of constant guilt and anxiety, sex ...

Saying that, my DD has been with her grandparents for half term. Missing her loads and looking forward to chaos again. A bit.

Books. I used to buy lovely new books all the time, just on impulse, strolling past a bookshop. Then, I used to read them. I'd carry one in my bag and read it in my spare time. So, I'd read a lot through the day and it was easy to concentrate. Then, I'd stroll through parks thinking about what I'd read.

Evening baths. 1 year old goes to bed at 7.30 and the bathroom is on the top floor next to his bedroom. Running the water and the extractor wakes him up.

Sleeping past 7.30am.

Going for a drink after work without a few days notice.

I used to think having a shower every day was essential.. Judged people who didn't have a shower every day. Now a shower is a treat.

Going for a little walk and a pint in the evening in summer with DP to stretch our legs.

Individual snacks not in the multipacks and not on offer
Lie ins
Booze
Full price makeup
Real perfume

Branded soft drinks
Individual ice creams

Make up. Going out for dinner. Going on holiday

10 minutes to myself to wake up in the morning

A day on the sofa under the duvet with a hangover.

Finishing a freshly made coffee.

Afternoon lie in.

Going out at the drop of a hat.

Staying out till 3am at the drop of a hat.

Reading in bed half the day.

God I was lazy😂

Sitting on the sofa. There is no point sitting down now as someone will require me to get up. And now, when I do sit down for long, at work or rare time with friends I seize up! Not fair.
Meals out
Cinema
Cutting my nails.

Having the occasional uninterrupted thought

getting my nails done every 4-5 weeks! I wish I could do that now

Tea in bed at the weekend. Impromptu meals out. Sleep.

Going out in the evening mainly. Financially we're fine and DP and I both get plenty of time to ourselves or for our hobbies as we take turns. We only have one DC though and she's only one.

How can a shower be a treat?

Weekends away in a hotel

dinner out

Trip to cinema

Bath uninterrupted

expensive make up, holidays, expensive clothes. My clothes are mostly H and M. I used to buy Chanel moisturiser 😂

Loud sex. In fact any sex