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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what things that pre children you would have seen as essential have now become a luxury?

133 replies

1moreRep · 01/11/2019 07:42

Last night on my way home from work i popped into next and treated myself to £88 worth of pyjamas / slippers / dressing gown. I am sick of being freezing and looking like a bag lady when at home. Pre children i would not have thought twice about this but for some reason now it feels like a luxury.

Non stained, matching pjs without holes have become a luxury.

AIBU to a) treat myself and b) ask what things pre children you wouldn't bat an eye about getting / doing have now become a luxury?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 01/11/2019 08:28

Your example OP suggests that self care could be an issue for you?

Molly2010 · 01/11/2019 08:29

A newspaper, crisps and a pint in the pub in a Saturday afternoon when the football was on.

CallarMorvern · 01/11/2019 08:30

@CombineBananaFister

Sorry, I quoted your spelling mistake, didn't notice it until after you corrected 🤦‍♀️

Trooperslaneagain · 01/11/2019 08:30

Lunch out on a whim
Hitting the duty free make up when travelling for work
Being in a hotel for work, solo
Fancy bed linen
Hitting TK Maxx for quirky interior stuff
Getting the house repainted without having to worry about the cash
5* holidays
Sunday papers
Brunch
SLEEP!
Lack of anxiety
MORE (EVEN MORE) wife work
Ferrying to parties and activities

Jeesus. I love my DD to death but it certainly changes your life. I know this is obvious but just not that obvious until it happens - thank you OP, that was quite cathartic!

DonnaDarko · 01/11/2019 08:32

Sleep
Long baths
A clean house
Any purchase just for me - I need to save and evaluate if its worth the cost
Books

TrebleBadger · 01/11/2019 08:33

Leaving the house!
Just grabbing your keys and going out the door is a luxury.
Now. It's the obligatory argument about shoes, jackets, can I take my iPad - no! you cant take your flipping iPad

Agree with PP re: eyebrows, trainers, even socks!

I buy fucking £6 bras! So my 4 DC can be kitted out with all new hats, scarves and gloves

Resentful much ha!

BlodwynBludd · 01/11/2019 08:34

I'm ill and I miss being able to go back to bed. Also feels as though I've been pregnant / breastfeeding for years and I miss lemsip and sudofed. I miss putting clothes on and them not having food or snot smeared on them. Sleep. God I miss sleep. And reading. This list is making wonder why we had children

honeylulu · 01/11/2019 08:35

Having legs etc. waxed in a salon (did my own for many years after starting family, eventually saved up and got lasered!)

Getting roots done at hairdresser, started to do it myself, very badly, soon gave up on being blonde and went back to natural colour.

With both things could not afford it. Even when I could again I couldn't justify the expense.

Also would go up to a year sometimes without buying any new clothing and when I did it was from Tesco or Asda.

Used to get taxis a lot. Once I'd had baby just had to be more organised and walk everywhere. I used to walk miles every day with my first baby.

Holidays ... with each child did not have a holiday for three years. (First one couldn't afford it. Second one was a terror and couldn't face it, lol!)

Eating out. If we paid a babysitter we couldn't have afforded the dinner. Occasionally would go out with baby but it was tea and cake only!

I was/am a solicitor and the most annoying thing was people assuming I must be rolling in it and living the life of riley. Unfortunately once we'd paid mortgage, nursery fees and bills, I had £15 a week "spending money".

There are 10 years between my two children and finances were part of the reason for that. Much much easier financially the second time around.

Things are better now thank goodness but it's hard to shake off my "learned frugality". Maybe not a bad thing!

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 01/11/2019 08:39

All of the above! Having kids was certainly a game changer in more ways than I could have imagined!

geojojo · 01/11/2019 08:40

Things like:
Lie ins
Being able to say yes spontaneously to going out in the evening rather than having to plan months in advance for parents in law to look after kids
Date nights
Leisurely baths
Going to the toilet alone
Enjoying going to a cafe and reading a newspaper or book without being pestered by a child or a toddler having a tantrum or something
Looking around shops- if I ever buy clothes now it's online
Going to the gym

1moreRep · 01/11/2019 08:40

i totally agree that your priorities change, self care is not an issue at all for me, it's just that each time i go to treat myself, i feel guilty and that i should have to treat the kids first

Oh the days when you could go back to bed.... Or have sex when ever wherever in te house

OP posts:
Eminybob · 01/11/2019 08:41

My first reaction was sleep!

Also popping to the supermarket without the kids. I feel like I’m on holiday.

KatharinaRosalie · 01/11/2019 08:44

Going out with DH. Dinner, movie, drinks, or even for a run. Not to mention doing it sponaneously. We have no family around so any such plans require planning and organisation.

TowerRingInferno · 01/11/2019 08:46

Being able to do whatever I feel like doing in the 5-7/8 pm weekday period.

whatswithtodaytoday · 01/11/2019 08:47

Being on my own
Painting my nails
Baths
Generally looking put together and like 'me', rather than the afterthought.

whatswithtodaytoday · 01/11/2019 08:49

Oh! Silence. Fuck I miss silence.

BlueJava · 01/11/2019 08:50

Time for myself!

PookieDo · 01/11/2019 08:50

I agree re the PJ’s. I’ve bought a couple of nice pairs but am always loathe to spend too much on them now

StinkGhoul · 01/11/2019 08:50

Sick days.

Right now I’m on very strong antibiotics for a dental abscess. I had to look after the twins while in agony, and look after them while these evil tablets have made me feel like I have norovirus.

And I honestly will never forget the week where all four of us had norovirus.

I feel awful when I buy things for myself, of any kind.

lynsey91 · 01/11/2019 08:51

I don't have children but certainly cannot afford to spend over £80 on pyjamas and dressing gown. I buy my pyjamas (rarely) in Primark

1moreRep · 01/11/2019 08:52

yes silence, beautiful. silence

OP posts:
ParadiseLaundry · 01/11/2019 08:53

The fact that I'm so jealous of your lovely new cosy pjs, OP, reminds how much I have changed Grin mine are all ragged and I've even cut some of the older ones down the front to make night tone breastfeeding easier so I look like a real tramp!

I used to get a nice bottle of wine on my way home from work on a Friday and make myself some tapenade and catch up on my tv shows until DH came in and we'd have dinner and more nice wine. Now I eat those cheap onion ring crisps and wash it down with £4.15 wine that comes in the supermarket shop delivery while DS watches Korean cartoon on YouTube SadGrin

Ponoka7 · 01/11/2019 08:54

@ChileConCarne, but even if you buy pjs from primark, you might make do because of BF, sticky fingers etc. Whereas before, you'd replace them more often.

It's about the changes you make when you have children and how your priorities shift.

Maccapacca88 · 01/11/2019 08:55

Just about everything 😂 I struggled massively with my mental health and finances after having my kids. I’m now back in a professional career and we are quite comfortable financially. I’ve had to train myself not to wince at every purchase!

BigFatLiar · 01/11/2019 08:56

Everything revolves around the kids now.

Gone is the time I was me, sitting feet up reading with a coffee. Spending time with OH just being us, when we were a couple life was fun and it was all about pleasing each other, now we're a family its mum & dad time. Sex, what happened to all that fun we had enjoying each other, kids happened thats what.
Not having to worry about getting back for the kids.

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