To feel poor compared to when I was a child growing up

[Keepgoing88]

I'm curious to know if there are many people out there who as a family are less well off than when growing up? We are not poor but I do feel a lot less well off than my parents were. We haven't been on a foreign holiday for few years (prob could afford a not so fancy one though). We could never afford the house I grew up in and sometimes struggle to break even on a month (large mortgage etc). It gets me down that I feel the standard of living we have is less than when I grew up. Does anyone else experience a similar situation? My DH feels fine but we are considerably better off than he was growing up.

God I feel this. My dad earned more than me and OH combined salary thirty years ago! OH didn't have this so he doesn't notice but I really feel like I failed.

Same here Fishcakey. What makes it worse is wondering whether my parents see me as a failure too (I would never ask and they would never tell me if they did).

Me. We were not well off as a family but things seemed more affordable. My baby boomer parents paid off their mortgage by middle age, our uni fees were paid with a maintenance grant. They now shop on Waitrose and have endless mini breaks and long haul holidays. I am shopping in Aldi, driving an old banger, will be paying my mortgage until I retire seven years later than my mother.

I think there's a lot of truth to this. Especially in terms of houses. My dad was a teacher, mum has has various research roles. But was at technical level for long time. We lived an nice big detached houses growing up. I would be interested to know how many times their salary our childhood homes were worth.

Yes. I’m in a similar earnings job to what my dad was in. My husband earns twice what my mum did. We struggle affording holidays yet when I was a child we went abroad twice a year and owned a caravan which we went in all the time.

I do think we’re in a better position but for us it’s more the circumstances. My parents both passed away when I was early 20s and I’m an only child. When the property industry was in a slump I brought a 4 bed detached forever home mortgage free and invested remaining inheritance into 9 rental properties. With the financial security both me and my husband have been able to re train in the careers we wanted and further our careers/ income massively. Some people consider us lucky but easily forget the circumstances, I’d give anything to have my mom and dad back. I felt immense guilt spending their retirement money but by investing it to me their money is always there and what I do spend is the profit from the investment we made.

DH and I are probably similarly off to my parents, but with relatively better paid jobs. If we had my parents jobs, and I did what my mother did, and had well over a decade as a SAHM, we would be considerably worse off. We required more parental help to get on the property ladder too. However, we have slightly better progression prospects and our choice to have fewer kids means we may end up better off.

PILs are v well off and we will never be as well off, FIL was v well paid in an era when there was more money around, the same job now would pay less.

I grew up very poor by today’s standards. I actually remember when my parents could not afford shampoo or toilet paper. There was much smaller support from the state - pretty much child benefit and that was it. My clothes were from jumble sales or made by my mum. I lived In very poor army housing and then council estates. My life now in comparison now would probably be described as incredibly privileged. To be honest I’ve no idea how I got to where I am - a few risks in my early 20s chucking in my job to get a degree and on graduation being rejected by all local companies led me to a job in London. I no longer live in London but contract there. I honestly don’t think my children have the same opportunity to achieve as many of the good/routes jobs have gone. I hope to help them into the property ladder which leaves them in a good position but how depressing that the opportunities that existed for me are gone so soon.

I find this an interesting thread. It seems if you come from wealth you’re always going to feel you’re “failing” somehow if you don’t match it but if you come from poverty then any success is a massive achievement. I came from poverty, have achieved a moderate amount of success but like many pp’s, I worry for my DC because I think things are harder for them and I’m not sure they will attain the same standard of living.

It seems if you come from wealth you’re always going to feel you’re “failing” somehow if you don’t match it

Yup that’s definitely me.

I'm much better off than my family was as a child. I grew up in a council house, single mum (once she got rid of my shitty abusive - to me - step father) and very little money at all. I think we went to Butlins once on holiday for a week but that was once only. I never had the opportunity to do anything extra curricular and spent all of the school holidays looking after my much younger sibling whilst my mum worked. She was absolutely scrupulous about never getting into any sort of debt so we went without many frills.
Now we have a fairly large house and a car (didn't have a car growing up), are able to go on holidays and I can afford for my children to have swimming and music lessons. Once us kids left home, my mum actually did ok for herself as she got a much better job and got to go on some lovely holidays with her new partner (who sadly died after 15 years together).

We’re better off. My parents migrated when the USSR collapsed. Their degrees were worth nothing and they were getting old so they had to choose between retraining/converting degrees into locally recognised qualifications and being well off or having a child and working in factories. They chose to have a child. They still ensured that I was able to go to a good private school (I sought out a scholarship and they paid the remainder by releasing equity from their house). As a result I’ve been able to do better. I’ve married someone with better earning potential that they had. I’ve moved somewhere where it’s easy to get a professional job and have got one and so on. We’re not rich. We also chose children over financial stability but we manage to pay their school fees without going into debt so already feel much better off on that front. Of course once the children reach independence My husband will probably still have about 10-15 years at peak earnings and I will have about 25 again at my highest earnings. Hopefully we’ll manage to sort ourselves out then. If we don’t at least we’ve managed to give our children the best chance to be able to afford children and a nice lifestyle.

@nocluewhattodoo won't you inherit some of your parents wealth though? Eventually?

It is really hard to say. I believe I was poor growing up (millenial with boomer parents) as there were four of us kids and my mum was a SAHP.

Until I was ten we lived in a very small house with no central heating or double glazing and ate economy brand frozen food. My children live in a warm home and eat really well as cooking is a major thing for us. We have a cleaner.

My parents are in a great position now though as my dad took early retirement from the public sector with a huge pension and their house is a grand victorian semi and worth about 4x what they bought it for in the early 90s.

I am the only one of their children who owns property and I live in a two bed apartment with my family of four. They lent me money which I have since repaid.

Quality of life though is much better for my children, but I fund a lot of that through debt. We have a nicer car than I did growing up, we go on exotic holidays (when I was young we went to Scotland, which I loved!) and my children do a lot of paid for activities. I spoil my children because of my childhood which felt deprived. I fear them having that sense of inadequacy. My dad came from money and went to boarding school so we always had that middle class mentality despite being poor. He also had his parents to fall back on, as do I and mine are incredibly supportive.

I had a lower middle class up bringing, annual holiday. I was shocked though when I went to university and saw the wealth that some had. I worked incredibly hard though and now my children have the incredibly upbringing, private schools/amazing house/multiple holidays. I would say that those friends who had wealth have found it difficult to see that they also can’t provide the same standard of living-particularly with schooling

We have about the same lifestyle as when I was growing up. Although only one of my parents worked, my mum, as a full time teacher, while my dad was a sahd due to ill health. We both work full time to have the same quality of life.

I grew up in a 2 bed terraced house, and we own a 3 bed semi, but in a slightly worse area. We didn't have holidays abroad, and I still don't, we used to holiday in the UK, and still do either in a caravan or a holiday let.

My parents were business owners. We weren't rich but comfortable. Several properties, including an apartment in the central of an expensive city. I feel very poor compared to them even though I'm on decent salary. But i realise working for people will never get me rich. But situation changes, now they are facing ill health and have to pay for private medical treatments. So the money they have saved have come in handy. It is dwindling at a quick rate though so I am at the point where we are getting ready to support them if needed on our small income.

Between me and my DP, our combined income is more than double what my parents had at our age, but we have far less to show for it (and they supported two kids on that as well)

My DH and his brother went to a top public school and then Oxford but ended up in quite ordinary average-paying jobs. No way could they afford that education for their own children.

I had a privileged upbringing (private school, big house in an expensive area, ski holidays etc) and my children are enjoying a similar standard of living - but only because my parents have been extremely generous to us, propping up out incomes with massive financial gifts. Both DH & I have good professional jobs but would not be able to afford the lifestyle my parents afforded on one comparable professional income (although my parents also had help from their own parents). I don't understand weathy people who don't help their adult children.

I don't understand weathy people who don't help their adult children. Neither do I. What's the point of amassing all that money if not to make life more enjoyable for your loved ones?

I wouldn’t want money off my parents. Not that either of them have any, but even if they did! I’m an adult, I don’t want handouts.

@darlingnikita well my parents have enjoyed helping us & we’re very happy to accept ‘handouts’ , which have enabled us to give our children a very comfortable childhood. Each to their own

I would hope to be able to help my children if and when they need it, but I can't see that happening! we didn't get any help from parents but I think most people I know have done (if parents are able and willing of course)
I'm just trying to get ourselves into a good financial position and model this to DC because that will stand them in good stead, even if we can't physically offer cash.

We have had financial help from both sets of parents (mainly with deposits when buying a house) and hope to be able to do the same for our DC. Similarly we've had help with childcare and, health permitting, we will help out with our grandchildren if our DC choose to have kids.

Paying it forwards and all that

Surely social mobility works in both directions?