To feel poor compared to when I was a child growing up

[Keepgoing88]

I'm curious to know if there are many people out there who as a family are less well off than when growing up? We are not poor but I do feel a lot less well off than my parents were. We haven't been on a foreign holiday for few years (prob could afford a not so fancy one though). We could never afford the house I grew up in and sometimes struggle to break even on a month (large mortgage etc). It gets me down that I feel the standard of living we have is less than when I grew up. Does anyone else experience a similar situation? My DH feels fine but we are considerably better off than he was growing up.

I don't like thinking about the DC! They definitely won't be able to live where they grew up, in a nice London suburb. A very average 3 bed starts at about 800,000.

@GrumpyHoonMain
In reality it is ambition, hard graft, placing an importance on money / savings, and the ability to take risks (all traits that tend to be discouraged in girls) that enables you to earn more degree or not.
I agree with your traits of high earners (of course academic success/intelligence is also a factor). However, women earn more than men earn more throughout their 20s. I’d like to see evidence that the traits you lost are discouraged in girls. The vast majority of people, graduates or not, male or female, go for a “safe” career. IE a traditional route with reasonable job security and some chance of promotion.

I tend to agree with you @Cam77.

Why is it that women suddenly lose all of the qualities which were helping them earn more in their twenties than their male counterparts? Or could it be that the odds are stacked against women for one reason or another once they have children? Or even once employers THINK their female employees might have children. Cynical I know, but I already admitted I'm a bitter old shrew .

I think the house I grew up in probably worth about 700k now (3 bed terrace but simply due to insane house price increases in the area) but I like my small, relatively cheap house

@GrumpyHoonMain

Sorry, just noticed your reply to me. It didn't tag me for some reason.

I have never known an English graduate to get a job over someone with experience in the field where the English degree was irrelevant. I mean, seriously? How could anyone with an sort of HR department get away with that? I used to work as Recruitment Coordinator and we had to justify every decision. Saying "ah this one had a degree in English" for I don't know, a trainee Sales Engineer role, would absolutely not have flown.

But I think this USED to happen. So now graduates are being unfairly punished imo, for the mistakes of previous generations. And also, too many young people are encouraged into doing degrees without any thought or guidance as to what they actually might use it for.

Again, not talking about me. Mine is useless because I am a SAHM at the moment. It is actually a fairly useful degree and will be useful again in the future for me.

But, the thing is, in previous generations, a degree on it's own was supposed to be some golden ticket. And back then they didn't even have to pay fees ffs.

It's as if nobody has cottoned on; universities now charge you fees to attend. They are like businesses. So they are trying to SELL you a degree! And now there are more graduates than we know what to do with. But parents from previous generations thought that by sending their dcs to university, come what may, they were giving them a step on to the career ladder. That is no longer the case.

DH and I are better off than my parents. They both worked full time and had less money for luxuries, whereas I'm lucky enough to work part time.

However, their family home was worth more than ours (smaller but in an expensive area) due to house price inflation.

We're better off in some ways than my parents at the same age. We have more income (although a lot of that is because we both work nearly full time), and a higher standard of living in terms of consumer goods etc because they're so much cheaper, relatively speaking. But we are less wealthy than either my parents or my grandparents.

Both my parents and grandparents were able to save money for deposits on houses from their incomes, pay mortgages from their incomes, pay into pensions and then live comfortably on those pensions in retirement. Both my grandparents and then my parents inherited money on the death of parents, but that money wasn't needed for living on- it was luxuries/holidays/second home/large cash savings pots. By contrast, despite two well paid professional salaries, we needed help from my parents to get onto the property ladder (in fairness we would have got there eventually but it was certainly faster through their generosity). I have a good occupational pension (the same scheme as my dad actually, only a down graded version) but I'm only 38 so chances are by the time I retire it's not going to afford me anything near the standard of living he has. We will in all probability inherit quite a bit from my parents but I suspect will be reliant upon it for a decent standard of living in retirement.

I'm very fortunate, and very well off compared to the vast majority. But, my point is: my parents were able to build financial security (house purchase, pension) on the basis of middle class professional income. That's very difficult these days, without inheriting wealth (at least in the South East).

Our lives are just different to when I was growing up in the 1970's. as teachers my parents earned decent money but we had quite a frugal upbringing- no holidays abroad, meals out, expensive gadgets and only a few changes of clothes.

My parents were , however huge savers. The home we moved to in my teens (4 bed detached) was larger than the house DH and I live now. My parents retired in their late 50's a couple of years older than me and DH and had a long comfortable retirement. As attorney I have been able to use their savings to fund really good care for them in their final years.

DH and I on the other hand earn a little less as I work PT. our day to day standard of living is higher in respect that we spend a lot in food, meals out, gadgets etc. We only have one DC and Christmas/ birthdays he gets a lot. Opposite to my parents we live in a smaller house and have no savings. We aren't very sensible with money and I don't think our later years will be as comfortable as my parents.

I have no idea what the future holds for DS. He won't have student loan to pay off as he has done apprenticeship but what his earning capacity and likelihood of getting on housing ladder will be I really don't know.

This is such an interesting thread. I'm much better off than my parents: I grew up in a 2 bed terrace in a rough area and went to a hideous secondary school.

DS lives in a 5 bed semi, I would have sent him to private school if he hadn't got into a good state one and we have holidays abroad etc and new cars.

My parents are much better off now they are retired though.

We are very definitely worse off but my parents had “important” jobs, worked long hours, had big commutes and travelled a lot. I don’t want to do that and to a certain extent I’m willing to accept a lower standard of living financially as the price I pay to be less stressed and spend time with my daughter.

Yes we are far less well off than how I grew up. We had everything we wanted, lots of holidays overseas, skiing trips, had a boat etc. we have nowhere near that level of luxury. We can barely afford groceries! It’s awful.

To be clear - my parents retired late 50's which is a little older than DH and I are now. We won't be able to retire for years.

We're better off than my parents and DHs parents were, my parents left school with no qualifications and worked long hours in low paid jobs. I didn't leave the country until I was eleven and they'd both moved on in careers via promotion or adult education. Neither drove until DF when I was about six and DM when I was about ten, and a lot of that was affordability. We both work in the public sector so our wages are not huge but we're comfortable, we have two cars, no debt (other than mortgage and student loan) pre DS 4/5 holidays a year (not mega expensive, a mixture of city breaks and longer trips, but all abroad) now one or two but that's about practicality. I remember fish and chips being a real treat because it was expensive and my mum taking a second job as a cleaner when we were in bed and my dad working sixty hours a week including Saturday mornings until I went to university. So I really can't complain.

DH is much better off - his dad is a serial bankrupt, lost the family home, ended up living with grandparents etc. He grew up with nothing, joined the army at 16 to escape and make a life for himself.

I grew up in a 7 bed detached house, rural with land around it. My parents privately educated 3 of us, despite my mother not working since age 21. Lots of holidays, albeit usually UK based. Rarely had any financial concerns.

We do have a nice semi, and are doing well compared to many, so it is a bit diamond heels are too tight. We have decided to privately educate (mostly DH insistence because he saw the leg up it had given many of his peers and wanted the same for his kids), but that means both of us have 'big' full time jobs. One week cheap holiday on a mobile home park, no fancy hotels or weekends away. Life is good, but limited on day-to-day comforts if that makes sense. And we limited our family size to smaller than I wanted to allow for it.

So, DH feels wealthy compared to where he came from. Whereas, I would have had to marry someone massively wealthy to maintain my childhood standard.

I like others worry about the future for DS so we save for him already and we will only have one child, I want him to work hard and strive to achieve things but I don't want him to struggle to the point of exhaustion just to make ends meet like my parents did at times

Why aren't these well off parents helping their children financially instead of sitting on their money?

Maybe because those parents have already made big financial commitments to put their children through private school, university and give them the best start in life - and don’t feel they owe them any more and want to enjoy their retirement? It’s a totally understandable position I think.

I had a wealthy upbringing and went to private school, then uni. Due to mental health issues and lack of confidence I haven’t done especially well in my career and am on an average income. I live in what would be considered by many people to be an undesirable area and my kids will be going to state school - I’d love them to have the sort of educational opportunities I had but I just don’t have the money.

I feel like we're poorer than my parents - I mean, we certainly are less well off than them now - but I think I might not be comparing like with like as they were much, much better off when we were teens than when we were babies, but obviously my memories are skewed towards my teens which I remember better. I don't see our prospects improving that dramatically in the next 10 or so years, though!

Tbh I feel like I have only myself to blame for not having my parents' standard of living. It's a pattern that I noticed (after the fact) at university and which I fit right into - the people I knew who came from poor families were determined to use the opportunity of our university to get out of that, and made choices that maximised income at every turn, the people I knew from very wealthy families had it drummed into them that they must do the same (and mostly became either city lawyers or something in hedge funds), while the kids from solidly middle class families 'pursued their dreams' and did things in publishing, academia (that was me), charities, etc that aren't exactly poverty wages but leave the houses and lifestyles their parents afforded out of their (our) reach.

I didn't care at all, and in fact was rather proud that DH and I both do jobs we care about rather than making money in the city like so many of our friends (DH is a former management consultant turned teacher - he earned twice what he does now at 34 when he was 24!), until we had DS. Realising what they'll be able to offer their DCs that we can't give him stings in a way that me not having all the stuff never did.

We’re substantially better off than our respective parents were when we were little - I was brought up in a 3 bed terrace in a northern town, worth about £100k now, DH in a 3 bed semi in the south-west, worth about £200k now. We live in the south in a detached four bed worth over £500k. But my mum was disabled so couldn’t work and I had a sibling, DH’s mum worked part time in the evenings and he also is one of two. We both work in professional well paid jobs (me four days a week) and DS is an only one (not from choice). Plus we had DS when we were about 10 years older than our parents were when they started having kids, so were more established in our careers.

On balance, I wish we’d met earlier and had chance to have two children (I’m in premature menopause which of course couldn’t be predicted!), even though we’d be poorer.

Realising what they'll be able to offer their DCs that we can't give him stings in a way that me not having all the stuff never did.

Same for me I think. I feel guilty that I can’t give my kids the opportunities my parents gave me, because of my failure to do well in my career.

Yes of course. Property prices, rises in population, greater inequality. We are definitely poorer than my parents were. They were baby boomers ! No student loan, cheap housing, etc etc.

To give a comparison. My parents bought the house I grew up in the late seventies for 70k. In 2010 it sold for £850k. After that it was substantially renovated and sold again a few years ago for £2.5m.
We have just bought a house for £290k. I am far more qualified than either of my parents but just to buy a house is an enormous struggle as is getting in to a stable profession for many in my generation .

To give a comparison. My parents bought the house I grew up in the late seventies for 70k. In 2010 it sold for £850k. After that it was substantially renovated and sold again a few years ago for £2.5m.

This. I’m sure I’ve seen posts on MN before where people have insisted that it was just as hard to get on the property ladder 30 years ago as it is today, for different reasons. I’ve never bought that for a second - it’s so much harder now, as illustrated by the pp quoted above as much as anything else!

God I feel this. My dad earned more than me and OH combined salary thirty years ago! OH didn't have this so he doesn't notice but I really feel like I failed.

My upbringing was privileged, me and my 3 siblings were privately educated, we had two nannies, a house keeper and gardners. We had exotic holidays and life was pretty easy. Life is considerably different now.