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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New car & my neighbour... Ignore or say something?

252 replies

Greenleafer19 · 30/10/2019 09:13

Hi all
I know MN's love a neighbour post but I may get told to get over it about this one.....

So about 12 days ago I bought a new car and since then my neighbour, who I have a joint drive with but partitioned, can't seem to take his eyes off it.
Everytime he walks his dog, 3x a day he's coming onto my side of the drive and staring at the car, staring in the windows, circling it, stands next to it staring for ages etc.. I've been off work the past 2 weeks so the cars been parked on the drive alot and He's done this everytime he walks his dog, everyday since then. It was funny to watch on the cctv at first but I'm getting a tad concerned/ peed off with it.

This morning, having had it 12 days, I thought the fascination wouldve worn off, but no... He's now gone into the road to stand back and stare at it from a distance....

I've never had any kind of relationship with my neighbour, reason being my husband and I are always at work, keep ourselves to ourselves and apart from walking his dog the neighbour never goes out for us to see him. The very rare occasion we have seen him he tends to ignore us if we smile, wave or say hi but never thought anything of it.

Do I ignore it or say something on the cctv? He knows I have cctv but doesn't seem bothered that I'm watching. I don't want to be rude to an old man but it's now annoying me! (as pathetic as I sound!)

AIBU...??!

OP posts:
WillLokireturn · 01/11/2019 07:48

There are some silly responses in this thread, making lots of assumptions about "old people". Older people are you and I, but further down the years, they don't suddenly get sweet and kind nor are allowed to behave illegally, because they have retired. He's behaving in an anti social way. He's not looking at car from a distance, he's touching and fiddling with her car ...on her property ... trespassing... every day for over a fortnight, setting off her anti-theft dash cam. It's harrassing behaviour which he has no right to do.
OP has every right to tell him to stop.

She would also have every right to take it further if he keeps up this campaign (legally is very clear), despite being told to stop. Ultimately if he didnt and police were notified, with screenshots of evidence, they'd give a warning to him to stop. If it turns out he has dementia, services would be notified and want to know that he has deteriorated and behaving oddly as he might be struggling in other areas too. I doubt he thinks it's his own car or he'd be trying to get in not just touching parts of it.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 01/11/2019 07:51

Why would his even bother you Hmm

Medievalist · 01/11/2019 08:08

This would irritate me. and the malicious comments to neighbours would infuriate me.

I would either confront him about him regularly triggering alerts which is annoying. Or, as others have suggested, I'd go out to the car every time you get an alert, if you can.

I'd also put a notice in the window when it's parked on your drive saying, 'Please note this car is protected by cctv. If you are standing close enough to read this notice then the owner will have been alerted to your presence'. Or something like that.

LakieLady · 01/11/2019 08:13

I get a notification on my phone everytime someone is near the car, very very close to the car and also when someone walks on my drive, obviously I'm going to look....

Perhaps you could ask him to stop doing it, because it sounds an alarm on your phone every time and you're finding it a bloody nuisance?

Localocal · 01/11/2019 09:29

If you don’t know him well he may be neuro-diverse in some way - on the spectrum or something. Let him do his thing in peace as he is not doing you or to your car any harm.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/11/2019 11:16

Plenty of people not reading or understanding the issue here.

If the object of the neighbour's admiration weren't a car, but a person, and he glanced across from a distance now and again for a quick look (when the person is out in public - not peering through their windows), I don't think most reasonable people would really see a problem.

However, if he frequently came up to the person and stood extremely close - and then started outright staring and pawing at them - I can't imagine many folk would ask "Oh, what harm is he doing?"

Not saying that a car is anywhere near as important as a person at all, but the principle is the same.

TSSDNCOP · 01/11/2019 11:18

It’s really not.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/11/2019 11:18

....and even if you don't object to somebody coming on to your property all the time and fondling your possessions, have people not seen the updates about the neighbour slandering OP and telling everybody that she's a drug dealer?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/11/2019 11:23

There are some silly responses in this thread, making lots of assumptions about "old people". Older people are you and I, but further down the years, they don't suddenly get sweet and kind nor are allowed to behave illegally, because they have retired.

Spot on. We read about a lot of deeply unpleasant people on MN who happen to be men, neighbours, elderly, MILs etc, but their status in that way is completely irrelevant - you get nice and nasty people across the whole gamut of human existence and relationships and people need to be treated as individuals, whether from a point of giving them respect or holding them accountable for their actions.

Honeyroar · 01/11/2019 11:33

Can you not go out and tell him to get off your drive every time he is there?

My elderly mother has an even more elderly neighbour who calls the police every single time my mother touches her dividing garden fence (my mother had held onto it to get up when gardening twice) and the police actually came out! (the police said they were just warning my mum that the neighbour had complained and that she hadn't done anything wrong). On the third occasion we got a solicitor to send a recorded delivery letter to the neighbour telling her to cease and desist from harassing my mother or we would take legal action, and she immediately stopped and has not bothered her since.

WillLokireturn · 01/11/2019 12:01

Honeyroar Good, I'm glad the C&D solicitors letter worked. It just shows that your DM's NDN knew exactly what she was doing and thought it ok to harass your DM. And realised she ought stop!

I suspect OPs NDN also knows what he's doing, and is a rather malicious person with the slander he's also perpetrating against OP and her DH.

If it's impacting on OP, and it is starting to, (he's doing it daily, and telling nasty slanderous stories long enough that other neighbours are telling her), OP has every right to seek appropriate protection from, and prevention of, his harassment. It falls under the amended Protection from Harassment Act, which has both criminal and civil offences.

Ageing, which we all do, does not give NDN the right to behave illegally.

WillLokireturn · 01/11/2019 12:05

Sorry honeyroar, only first paragraph was in response to your post. I was agreeing with you. The rest of my post above , was in response to other PPs downplaying this harassment, like Haud and Local.

Honeyroar · 01/11/2019 12:30

No apology needed at all, it was quite obvious.🙂

Muddledfeelings · 01/11/2019 13:52

Agree with other posters about informing him that you keep receiving notifications so could he please stop.

WillLokireturn · 01/11/2019 14:58

honeyroar 😁😁

FizzyIce · 01/11/2019 15:18

From what you’ve said OP, he sounds like a nasty ,vindictive piece of work.
I’d definitely jump out on him and ask him if he likes the car .. wonder if he’ll just completely ignore you and slither off inside or actually have the balls to say something .
I’d find this bloody annoying

strongteawith2sugars · 02/11/2019 00:24

Press the lock/unlock key every time he goes near it 🤣

Original poster
Greenleafer19 · 03/11/2019 16:00

So... an update for those interested...
Last night was taking my rubbish out and was on the other side of my car where the bins are, NDN came over and was on the other side of my car snooping and looking up my walk way to my front door and obviously did not see me round the car. So, because I'm a snooty A-hole like I've been told on here, I smiled at him through the car windows, walked round and said about him coming onto my drive, inspecting the car everyday, it's setting the alarm off on my cctv because you're on my property and very close to the car including touching it. I waited a second for some type of explanation to which he told me to 'fuck off'. I wasn't at all taken aback as I could see the venom in his face as I was politely speaking to him so I reminded him he's standing on MY property and that his behaviour is borderline ASBO/harassment.
He then pointed to my bump (I'm heavily pregnant), and said 'I've a right mind to contact social services with the goings on in your house'.... Shock I cannot tell you how angry I got... I said how dare you, I know the slanderous things you've been saying about us, you don't even know us, never made the effort, hate us because we're young, you're behavior is harassment and I've a right mind to call the police on you. He goes 'you own the biggest house in the street, paid for a new extension and got a new car and you're not doin anything dodgy, I should call the police on you'.
I said who does he think he's talking to, he replied 'some fuckin kid'.... Hmm I'm 36 Hmm
I quickly reminded him this is all on cctv to which he cut his dog walk short and went back indoors. This morning he has not come onto my drive but stood still on the partitioned line and stared at it for about 2 minutes.... Hmm

My blood pressure is sky high and ive told hubby we're moving cos I cant ignore this.
Who does he think he is? So livid, still not calmed down about his comment about social services.
He literally is an ASBO neighbour, hate him!!!

OP posts:
Medievalist · 03/11/2019 16:07

Very well done op. You laid it on the line for him and kept your cool (at least when you were talking to him!) In your shoes I would now be contacting the police to tell them of his unprovoked and completely outrageous harassment. He sounds totally unhinged and a complete arsehole.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/11/2019 16:22

Dude needs a hobby if he sits in his house all day, fantasizing about your misdeeds and how he catch you out.

What a weirdo.

Original poster
Greenleafer19 · 03/11/2019 16:23

I can just imagine what he's going to be like when I have a small child playing in the garden or other difficulties he'll try and make. He really is a disgusting pig Angry my husband wants to retaliate, loud music etc and I've said no Halloween Angry

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 03/11/2019 16:40

Oh, dear. Honestly, ignore him. Don’t give him any head space. He’s nothing to you. He wants to wind you up. He wants to get a reaction. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

Medievalist · 03/11/2019 16:45

Sounds like he's difficult to ignore BlackCat. Also really unpleasant to know you are living in close proximity to such a nasty person who clearly spends a lot of time obsessing about you. I really would involve the local police op. They might have a word with him. And it would be good to get this on record so if he carries on harassing and slandering you, you can build up a case against him.

BAYouTFall · 03/11/2019 16:59

@Greenleafer19 what dash can do you use? I’ve been looking for a decent one for ages...

jent85 · 03/11/2019 17:07

@Greenleafer19 I've been following your thread but obviously very loosely as I didn't realise you were pregnant.
Something not completely dissimilar happened to me when I was heavily pregnant and the stress it put me under!! Even now, over a year later, my blood boils thinking about it and I hate the fact it cast a shadow over my pregnancy. Please please (without meaning to sound patronising) look after yourself and try staying as calm as possible. He's a jealous, petty old man.
I would advise to perhaps log with police if possible, to pre-empt anything he may do. Also, does he have a wife? Can you try and catch her to have a chat? (Not that they deserve anything from you but in my experience, we fought them off with kindness and it worked). Feel free to Pm me if you want to hear about what we did (a bit outing -cringing saying that - and ppl who know the story are on here) xx