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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sweets by the till in Next

102 replies

OpportunityKnocks · 29/10/2019 15:51

Popped into Next earlier.

A woman was having a right go at a member of staff behind the till because of the placement of sweets by the queue and how awful it is for parents because of the temptation for kids.

This is all whilst buying said sweets because her child (dd2 maybe 3yo) is having a massive meltdown.

Obviously mum was having a hard day, but I lost sympathy for her for taking it out on a member of staff.

Aibu for thinking it's her own fault if she gives in to the meltdowns?

OP posts:
MrMumble · 30/10/2019 08:37

So I’m afraid you’re being a bit of a ‘social justice warrior’ to leap to the defence of this one shop worker

Confused

Nah, not social justice warrior...just someone who used to work in a shop and didn't much like getting abuse from customers over stuff I couldn't change! Especially not for minimum wage!

Original poster
OpportunityKnocks · 30/10/2019 08:38

@disneymademedoit fair point, parenting has changed. But boundaries still exist right? 'no' is still valid as an answer! That is not an outdated term is it?

OP posts:
ThatMuppetShow · 30/10/2019 08:40

I think she’s right and that’s why they’re placed there. It’s irresponsible on behalf of the shop.

they are there to attract an impulse buy from shoppers - the world can't revolve around toddlers.

greypetex · 30/10/2019 08:40

Sorry OP. A lot of people do. A pp seems to think it's fine because autistic people do not own the word, which is obviously true, but at the same time a tantrum and a meltdown are different. Lots of people do use them interchangeably but from my POV it's important to separate these things. As an advocate for autistic children I think it's important that the difference is there. Nothing to do with being entitled as a pp suggested, but just simply being able to explain behaviour in a way that it isn't simply put down to tantrums is vital.

Anyway sorry for the derailment there Blush

I think it was awful to take things up with the shop worker, but people do all the time. Pass the buck and put responsibility into someone else.

Stefoscope · 30/10/2019 08:42

'So I’m afraid you’re being a bit of a ‘social justice warrior’ to leap to the defence of this one shop worker'. I don't get how treating people with respect equates to being an SJW. Surely it's just basic decency not to argue and abuse staff who don't set the rules. I say this as someone who's worked in customer services for over 20 years. Yes, you are the face of the company and inevitably you will get treated poorly by some members of the public, but that doesn't make it wrong to defend the shop worker's right not to be abused in the workplace!

Booksandwine80 · 30/10/2019 08:51

@Lulualla

Yes I do understand that, I’m just pointing out that if you’re counting calories these so called healthy snacks can really sabotage your plans-I’ve done it before. Been starving doing the weekly shop, picked up a “healthy” protein ball and then realised how many calories were in it Grin

coffeeforone · 30/10/2019 08:57

YANBU - she shouldn't have taken it out on the shop assistant.

But I wouldn't judge her parenting and buying the sweets as I have no idea what other issues she'd dealt with that day. Not all parents can be perfect all the time.

Also I thought a toddler meltdown and a toddler tantrum were the same thing!

havingtochangeusernameagain · 30/10/2019 09:00

Parents are the adults, and should say no to their kids.

But why is a clothes store selling sweets anyway? Ditto White Stuff.

There are proposals to prevent food high in fat sugar or salt being placed near tills, but given all the upheaval in "government", goodness knows if they will ever see the light of day.

Siameasy · 30/10/2019 09:03

A three year old surely shouldn’t eat sweets and yes it’s the parents’ job to say no.
In general yes it’s stupid putting the sweets there and agree why are they selling sweets - it’s this whole “you must constantly snack or your metabolism will stop working” mentality

Wellmet · 30/10/2019 09:04

@disneymademedoit my children have never been smacked. They still 'wouldn't dare' behave like that. Your post is nonsense, if anything advertising towards children is much better regulated now. Parenting hasn't 'changed'. I don't know how old you think most of these posters are but I'm in my 40s and have certainly never received a clip round the ear, nor lived in a society where that was acceptable.
All children have the occasional tantrum, but giving in is a sure way to ensure that they tantrum even louder the next time.

MintyMabel · 30/10/2019 09:07

Looking longingly but not even dreaming of asking, let alone pestering. It never, ever worked with my mother!

Oh wow, you were even a much better child than hers are.

Shop assistant was left shaking, was she, aye?

If you are going to be judgemental about someone's parenting, at least own it. Don't pretend it is all about the shop assistant. If it were you wouldn't mention the mother giving in to the child.

LoveNote · 30/10/2019 09:11

Next don’t put any olsweets by the tills do they? They aren’t mars bars and haribo

They are nicely packaged to give as a small gift.....so they become a treat..... not your everyday item. Just a one off treat for someone

Isn’t that how we should be presenting sweets? As a one off/treat? Rather than an everyday food item like food shops try to portray them as?

MintyMabel · 30/10/2019 09:12

However, it does NOT give her the right to scream at a shop assistant

I never said it did. I'm also capable of having sympathy for more than one person at a time.

I also recognise hyperbole. We've gone from "having a right go" to "screaming" and the "shop assistant left shaking"

LoveNote · 30/10/2019 09:17

When I was supervisor in our tills i found many a person left shaking

You see they’ve ‘got you’ ....you are rooted to the spot at the till so can’t move away and can’t answer back or say much at all.... well as supervisor I could,and would! Some of the young people in first jobs just were not used to even mild conflict

And many customers seemed to see it as some kind of sport... to be as rude as possible

Notice little signs in retail starting to pop up.... ‘ we are here to help, please don’t be rude to staff’ kind of signs? Yes, well they are needed.

Original poster
OpportunityKnocks · 30/10/2019 09:18

@mintymabel
ShakEN not shakING.

I said I was judgemental. And I wouldn't normally be but for her behaviour to the staff member.

OP posts:
DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 30/10/2019 09:29

@Wellmet
🤔 I’m in my mid/late twenties and grew up in a working class rural home where we were lucky to get 2/3 inexpensive days out each summer holidays and pestering for sweets meant being shouted at by dad- in front of your friends 😂. This was considered totally normal by parents/teachers nobody betted an eye!

My BFF has a 7yo DD and was taken aside by a teacher after the summer holidays as they were ‘concerned DD had only been on one short U.K. trip’ - I KID YOU NOT!

... 🙄 but no @wellmet...parenting pressures haven’t changed at all 😂🙈❤️

ThatMuppetShow · 30/10/2019 09:34

Isn’t that how we should be presenting sweets? As a one off/treat? Rather than an everyday food item like food shops try to portray them as?

you'd think....

I have to admit I do judge parents of 1 -2 years old who tantrum because they want sweets - the simple fact that the young kids know what they are at that age is telling.

I know, once they start school, it's endless birthday treats, birthday parties and so on, but before that?
(most) Parents find it easier to say no to kids playing with make-up or other, but as soon as it's sweets, it's all tantrums and impossible to say no.

If you can say no to your toddler playing with shaving foam, surely you can say no to sweets...

ThatMuppetShow · 30/10/2019 09:35

My BFF has a 7yo DD and was taken aside by a teacher after the summer holidays as they were ‘concerned DD had only been on one short U.K. trip’ - I KID YOU NOT!

I would find it very concerning too if it was true.

Wellmet · 30/10/2019 09:42

@DisneyMadeMeDoIt I have no idea what frequency of days out has to do with anything. I'm a teacher and have never heard of anyone querying this so your 'BFF' (you must be very young) must have some other concerns going on.
You mentioned being shouted at, but your last post was talking about violence towards children, which hasn't been the norm for a very long time now.

Lulualla · 30/10/2019 09:44

@DisneyMadeMeDoIt.

I was never smacked as a child. Physical punishment was not allowed in our house. My Grampa did it once and my parents came down on him for it. And when I say that my children understand that no means no, that doesn’t equate to smacking them. You can’t say “her kids do as they’re told; they must be getting smacked when they don’t listen”.

People are lazy parents now, they take the easy option. Boundaries don’t really exist for a lot of kids, they don’t hear the word no, they simply aren’t parented. It’s not a different style of parenting that we see now, it’s a complete lack of parenting. I’m only 30, so I am being critical of my own generation. I have lots of friends who seem to be amazing parents and their kids are fantastic, then I have the friends who parent in your modern way and their kids are just little brats. It’s nothing to do with physical threats to keep your kids in line.

Daffodils07 · 30/10/2019 09:44

When my oldest who is now 19 was a toddler we were at a till in Asda and he picked up a kinda egg.
He was told no and I took it of him, the lady who was being served started to slate me to the cashier about what a 'horrible mummy' I was, that it 'wouldnt hurt for me to give him it'.
Yes it did boil my piss and I told her 'maybe I should let him play with the razors if he fancied,or have a swig of bleach if he wanted to have that as well'.
You can not win either way sometimes, and yes I've been the one to give in also when I have had 3 of my children with me and I've been poorly and just wanted to get home.

HiJenny35 · 30/10/2019 09:47

I'm sorry but they store so hold a massive responsibility here. No she shouldn't have shouted at the member of staff they don't have the power of product placement however the store do. There's been extensive consultation with shops about the removal of sweets from till areas and the impact on pester power and obesity and the massive rise in type 2 diabetes, many stores agreed to move these-Tescos Sainsbury's, m&S. Next as a massive chain should be held accountable. And it's all well and good saying parents need to say no to children, yes they do, however it's also the adults purchasing while waiting bored and with the amount these illnesses are costing our NHS sadly we can't just pretend that nothing needs to be done. Next should be ashamed.

ThatMuppetShow · 30/10/2019 09:56

Next should be ashamed

ADULTS should be ashamed if they can't resist the sight of a gift item, people need to take responsibility for themselves at some point.

What's next? Banning the sell of sweets before the 31st October to ensure adults don't open the packs early?

quickentheprocess · 30/10/2019 10:20

more money than sense if she pays £££ for the till sweets in next!

MintyMabel · 30/10/2019 11:19

And I wouldn't normally be but for her behaviour to the staff member.

Except if it was just about judging her for her outburst, giving in to the toddler would be irrelevant.

shaken not shaking

Because there's a big difference between the two. 🙄. And not worth mentioning in the OP....