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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sweets by the till in Next

102 replies

OpportunityKnocks · 29/10/2019 15:51

Popped into Next earlier.

A woman was having a right go at a member of staff behind the till because of the placement of sweets by the queue and how awful it is for parents because of the temptation for kids.

This is all whilst buying said sweets because her child (dd2 maybe 3yo) is having a massive meltdown.

Obviously mum was having a hard day, but I lost sympathy for her for taking it out on a member of staff.

Aibu for thinking it's her own fault if she gives in to the meltdowns?

OP posts:
Elphaba17 · 30/10/2019 07:37

Well said Minty Mabel.

ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens · 30/10/2019 07:45

I remember the campaign to move sweets away from the supermarket tills - a great success if I recall correctly.

When I was a small child, there were always sweets at supermarket tills, but in those days there wasn't a culture of children being allowed to 'interfere' with the shopping - you were expected to tag along as quietly as possible with zero input on what went in the trolley, so the shopping got done quickly. It would never have occurred to me to ask for sweets when we got to the till - it just wasn't a thing in those days.

The woman wasn't being unreasonable to be unhappy about it, but she shouldn't have had a go at the cashier - the cashier will have no influence on the merchandising in the shop - contacting Next Head Office would be the way to go.

SoundsAboutRight · 30/10/2019 07:46

@MintyMabel

Your sympathy is misplaced. I have every sympathy with the mother and don't judge her at all for being at the end of her tether. Pretty much every parent has been there. However, it does NOT give her the right to scream at a shop assistant. What she should have done is deal with the situation as best she could and then contacted Next management. My sympathy is for the poor low paid shop assistant just minding her own business doing her job who has absolutely no control over what is placed next to the till. Maybe that woman was her "fifteenth" shopper who had screamed at her that day for something she has absolutely no control over.

greypetex · 30/10/2019 07:47

Aibu for thinking it's her own fault if she gives in to the meltdowns?

Do you mean tantrum?

TulipsTulipsTulips · 30/10/2019 07:50

I sympathise with the mum at the till and think people should complain more about all the sweets dangled in front of our kids. It’s a cynical way for companies to make extra profit even though the harm of too much sugar for kids is well known.

LoveNote · 30/10/2019 07:52

How are nuts and dried fruit at the tills any better??

DogAndCatPerson · 30/10/2019 07:54

Next seem to sell any old shite now

Lulualla · 30/10/2019 07:55

It's really not automatic that kids will throw a tantrum asking for the sweets. In a lot of ways, my parenting is crappy and I look at mum friends and think "how do you seem so naturally good at that" but the one thing in proud of is that my kids have never asked for or thrown a tantrum over sweets. They've always known that the answer is no, and its just never been an issue.
If kids are behaving like that over sweets then it does come down to parenting.

Shops shouldn't do this stuff, but they do. You can't avoid sweets being shoved infront of your kids, but it really doesn't have to matter if you reach your kids to respect the word no.

Original poster
OpportunityKnocks · 30/10/2019 07:57

@MintyMabel not a shitty mum. A shitty person for leaving a shop assistant shaken. I'd have needed an hours break to get over that.

@greypetex yes. Probably a little harsh of me tbh, as kids will push boundaries. I think it was the giving into the tantrum whilst shouting at someone else for it that I have the problem with (in full view of her child!)
I usually don't judge a parent with a kid having a meltdown. It was the combination of things that got me.

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 30/10/2019 07:58

Bloody hell, imagine if the world had to change for everyone’s toddlers?! We’d never get anything done. Toddlers kick off at the slightest thing, it’s the parent’s job to mitigate those times and get on with it. Moving sweets doesn’t help crap parenting.

Original poster
OpportunityKnocks · 30/10/2019 07:58

Btw, more than old enough to remember sweets by tills. Looking longingly but not even dreaming of asking, let alone pestering. It never, ever worked with my mother!

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 30/10/2019 07:59

I had a friend who was outraged by sweets by the till and tried to get me angry too. She was really annoyed when I said, I just say no. If I've decided we're buying sweets then I take dc to the sweets aisle. Yes I've had whinging twins but they know that no is no.

Booksandwine80 · 30/10/2019 08:01

@PooWillyBumBum

I agree it’s a “better” selection at Aldi/Lidl but if you look closely some of the stuff is the same amount of calories as a normal chocolate bar, so it’s just as bad really. Just makes people think they’re making better choices when in fact they’re not.

Lulualla · 30/10/2019 08:04

@Booksandwine80

It's not the calories which are the problem. If you're waging the right portions at breakfast, lunch and dinner then you can normally have a snack of 200 calories or so.
It's the content of the calories that matters. Is it mostly protein, fat or sugar? So the nuts are better than bar of gooey chocolate.

NekoShiro · 30/10/2019 08:05

She should of complained to the head office if she's that upset, its not like the staff can just move the displays around, if the company has said that the til point needs to have sweets, socks and phone cases for example then that's what needs to be put there.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 30/10/2019 08:14

I tend to agree with other pp's that there is no excuse for berating the shop assistant.

We have all been there when dc are making our day particularly awful but it's not the shop staffs fault.

With varying success I say no to my dc over treats in shops (sometimes they winge sometimes they don't, they never get them) but I have the same risk when I walk past the doughnuts or magazines. What am I going to do ? Ask the shop to parent my children by removing temptation? That's ridiculous.

As an add on ...Seriously pp's I have a son with ASD we do not have the monopoly on the word meltdown for gods sake. Stop correcting people it's a misnomer the word meltdown is used for lots of things. Correcting it makes Asd parents look entitled and life is hard enough thanks.

ThatMuppetShow · 30/10/2019 08:15

YANBU

one of these lazy parents who expect everyone else to accommodate them. She was rude, and ridiculous - especially in this case.,

It's teachers who I feel sorry for, because they end up having to deal with these spoilt kids one day!

Billben · 30/10/2019 08:19

It's really not automatic that kids will throw a tantrum asking for the sweets

^This.

I wouldn’t have judged the woman if her child was throwing a tantrum but she wasn’t giving in. I would have thought “Well done you” .
But having a go at a person on minimum wage who has absolutely no say in any of this, and who can’t even argue back to you without the fear of losing their job, is not on.

greypetex · 30/10/2019 08:20

As an add on ...Seriously pp's I have a son with ASD we do not have the monopoly on the word meltdown for gods sake. Stop correcting people it's a misnomer the word meltdown is used for lots of things. Correcting it makes Asd parents look entitled and life is hard enough thanks.

As an add on....you don't get to decide. I asked, I did not correct. But while on the subject, a toddler tantrum and a real meltdown are not the same. My life is hard enough too, I wasn't having a go at anyone I simply asked OP and she very kindly agreed. I don't know why you think it's up to you to decide who asks what on here, but it isn't. I'm rather confused that you think expecting people not to describe tantrums as meltdowns bears any judgement on your parenting. I have autistic children and I'm baffled to see how I could ever be accused of being 'entitled' so I can only assume you have some sort of hang up or other issue that makes you think this way, because let's face it, a meltdown is not a tantrum.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/10/2019 08:22

I am old enough to remember the sweets being taken from the checkouts and at the the I was an adult with no DC , so I felt peeved that my choice had been removed just because people couldn't control their DC . ( A few years down the line with my own DC , I was glad they were sweet free)

A while ago, I was in Next , there were toys at the till, really busy queues , a woman with a baby and a little boy (about 2) who was doing his pieces because he wanted a toy .
She was absolutely steadfast "No" , but the people in the queue were either "Oh buy it for him it's only a toy" / "What a brat needs a slap"/ "Why do we have to put up with this" .
Poor woman was getting it in the neck all ways .

When we got to the till I whispered to her something like " Been there done that , well done sticking to your guns"
She gave me the biggest smile of relief and hopefully felt a bit less shit.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 30/10/2019 08:23

Before people judge this parent too harshly - It does sound like a stressful situation. Who knows what other challenges she had faced that day? This could have been the straw that broke the camels back.

You could say the same about the shop assistant who was on the receiving end.

EleanorShellstrop100 · 30/10/2019 08:27

I think she’s right and that’s why they’re placed there. It’s irresponsible on behalf of the shop. Bf agree it’s not the individual shop assistants fault.

wrongside · 30/10/2019 08:27

It.s a parents job to say no. I was in 3 different stores on Saturday afternoon and listened to 3 children screaming because they were told couldn't have what they wanted. One child who was about 3 and with his Grandparents was on the floor screaming. A second one must have been about 8 shouting "i dont want to learn a lesson i want that fucking toy now" ! Last one was a young girl who i know is 15 and i know she is a spoilt brat and doesn't have any SN was in her Mums face because she wanted a very large cuddly toy, her Mum was on the phone at the time and kept telling the child no, so the brat knocked the phone out of her Mums hand.
This why Parents need to learn to say NO

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 30/10/2019 08:28

I appreciate the ‘when I was a girl I’d never have dared...’ op but if you stop and examine the way that childhood/parenting has changed over the past decade even you’ll realise how out of touch that approach is!
My BFF is a mature student studying child psychology and the marketing towards children now is completely disgusting! The power dynamic of parenting has also changed significantly parents are shamed and judged in a way they simply weren’t 20-30 years ago.

Children used to be viewed as more independent so if they acted up they were ‘a bad child’ whilst a child acting up now is ‘a bad parent’. Also consider that when you were a child and ‘wouldn’t have dared to ask for sweets’ smacking was viewed as ‘firm parenting’ and society believed that ‘solid punishment’ was the basis of raising good kids. SS wouldn’t have knocked on any doors for giving a child a clip around the ear 🤔

What you’re doing is taking your own experience and saying ‘well I would never have dared...’ and comparing it to a a TOTALLY altered parenting society where the way you/I were raised would probably land you in prison (or at least at the mercy of SS).

It’s not hard to understand why we had more ‘wouldn’t dare’ when we were kids than kids do now, it’s all ‘modern parenting’ - taking about emotions/feelings and verbalising consequences. What do kids have to fear?

Now I firmly believe smacking children IS wrong and that we live in a better world now - but when people say ‘when I was a child I’d never have dared’ they’re basically admitting that whilst ‘not ok’ - the ‘firm hand’ parenting of the 60’s -90’s was much more effective in producing well behaved kids!

  • now we live in a society where parents are accused of neglect for not taking their kids on enough days out during school holidays 😂

As for the sales person- it is what it is! I used to work in shops during uni and you just accept that whilst it’s ‘not your fault’ you are the face of the company and therefore will take the unhappy customers abuse! It happens in ALL jobs though, even professional ones - I have Dr, Nurse, Solicitor and accountant friends ALL who regularly take abuse for things that are not their direct fault! So I’m afraid you’re being a bit of a ‘social justice warrior’ to leap to the defence of this one shop worker

Original poster
OpportunityKnocks · 30/10/2019 08:34

I actually had no idea that meltdown and tantrum were different based on the needs of the child. I just used the words interchangeably. Hadn't heard that before!
I am now corrected and won't be using meltdown again.

OP posts: