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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...about homeless man outside our shop.

137 replies

Ashamed2BFeeling · 29/10/2019 14:36

Less of an AIBU and more WWYD.

Every night for the past few weeks, what we assume is a homeless man has been sitting outside the convenience store where I work. We're open till late and have a couple of pubs and a chippy right on our doorstep so have people coming in and out all night.

So we frequently have people coming in buying him food which is great to see. In fact yesterday, someone went to the chippy and bought him a portion of chips that he had to give away because someone an hour ago had already bought him chips and gravy!

A very kind lady came by just last night with a thick regatta coat and a new pair of trainers for him.

We make him a cup of tea when we're doing one and stuff but now and again, we'll get people coming in buying him beer that he's asked for. Not great but he's not causing any hassle. We've not had any complaints from customers, more concern than anything else.

But at the end of the night when we go to close up shop, he's always left. And while this is late, it's not the middle of the night or anything. I don't know where he goes.

Basically, is there something we can do for him, someone we can call? It's great that people are happy to feed him (and I'm hoping that doesn't sound patronising), but I'd love it if we could help him find a more long term solution.

Any suggestions are gratefully received.

OP posts:
SarahTancredi · 29/10/2019 21:26

game

I think even if they get support it's not enough. You cant just give someone a house or flat or room. You cant just give them an.income. they need multi pronged approaches . Or they end up straight back out on the streets drinking and taking drugs. Only the next time they dont get the help because they failed to make the rent or stick to the conditions the first time.

butterybiscuitbasic · 29/10/2019 21:29

Wtf is wrong with people answering this thread?? Begging isn’t a “lifestyle choice”. There are complex issues at play.

Do people honestly think that sitting in the pissing rain or freezing cold is preferable to almost any other way of “earning money”.

I never say this, but MN does seem to be going downhill. The comments here are abhorrent.

HeresMe · 29/10/2019 21:30

I love that people on here are questioning that there are scammers if course there are I have witnessed the 'homeless' swapping shifts in my own town, there is a few genuine ones which I have witnessed.

I usually encounter Tracey no enough bus fair to where ever she is going every single day, who hangs about with them, how can you not be cynical.

No probelms helping homeless but who decides

OhDeari · 29/10/2019 21:33

I used to live on the streets. There are many problems with getting help from Streetlink. E.g. You need proof of living in the borough for anywhere varying between 6 months and 3 years to receive help from the local council. You also need ID. None of the former applied to me as I had moved around when I first moved to London. The latter was stolen off me. I had no proof of who I was. I could receive no help.
I can guarantee you that my most dreaded part of the day was begging. I can't tell you how humiliating it is. I used to read a book so I didn't have to look at peoples' disdain.
You usually go to a park at night (you need access to a loo - I have to give a shout out to McDonalds for never once throwing me out for using their toilet however).

Sometimes I slept on the main street as it felt safer (yes, the ground is hard, but you become hardened to the conditions).
Mostly I slept in a park as it had a public toilet.
On the streets sometimes you could have yobs kicking you in your sleeping bag or similar. So the park seemed safer sometimes. It depended on whether I was alone or not.
I guarantee you, you wouldn't pay me to go out and beg if I had money and a roof. So get that notion swiftly out of your noggins. Some, at this time of year will go into hostel type accommodation, but you get all sorts there and I once woke up to someone trying to steal my trainers of my feet!!! I'm not fucking kidding. After that, I chose to stay on the streets rather than the hostels. (This part was not in England - I've been homeless in two countries).

cfsdhffs · 29/10/2019 21:36

@HeresMe but what do you actually think they are scamming? Yes they may be drug addicts swapping shifts... but would you perhaps swap a shift at work to sit out in the cold and beg?

OhDeari · 29/10/2019 21:42

There's another good charity called No Second Night Out.
If you're reported and they find you, they do much the same as shelter.

Oh and can I just say - give the man a can of beer every now and again - I'm sure you like your glass of wine? Why can't this man have the same little luxury (also may be dependent).

HeresMe · 29/10/2019 21:48

@cfsdhffs

Of course people do work is hard work, it's probably easier than they think but are you that naive.

cfsdhffs · 29/10/2019 21:54

@HeresMe sorry I don’t quite understand your post. What I’m saying is - no one who has any other means of making money would choose to beg.

Also - the whole “scam” idea is a ridiculous notion really. You either choose to give money to someone sitting in a doorway etc or you don’t. Me, I don’t give a flying fuck if that person goes back at night to their council home - they’re in a worse position than I am, as have chosen to sit on the street to ask for food.

HeresMe · 29/10/2019 22:02

@cfsdhffs There probably,.aren't there is a army of homeless which I feel for,but here is also a army of scammers too stop being so naive. I know plenty of people who have bought people food to be countered with excuses, not hungry I'm veggie, ect, I'm guessing you are that naive though

Wheat2Harvest · 29/10/2019 22:09

The thing that makes me angry is when they're sitting out in the cold, wet conditions all day/night with an animal or two in what I can only guess is there to gain more sympathy from passer bys

And they can't get into a night shelter with a dog, usually. So they go back to their council flat after doing very well begging with the dog.

Interestedwoman · 29/10/2019 22:10

To be honest, (and I've been truly homeless twice myself) most 'homeless' people ho seek change, beer or food aren't really homeless- as a PP said, he probably goes back to his flat. People can 'earn' good money begging.

CrapTVAddict · 29/10/2019 22:13

To the poster who said there are hardly any genuine homeless take a walk through Manchester at night and you will see the shocking scale of the amount of homeless people.
When I was young I can remember maybe seeing one homeless person and occasionally a tent now and then. Now there are homeless communities living in tents like homeless villages under the railway arches of Manchester or in Piccadilly gardens.
Absolutely heartbreaking to see the amount of people homeless and the conditions they are living in and people who don't live in the real world stating there are hardly any genuine homeless people.

Interestedwoman · 29/10/2019 22:13

*who.

Also, if someone is genuinely homeless, enabling them to live on the streets by giving them money or food isn't the answer- they need to be away from rough sleeping which shortens people's lives, and into a hostel. If they don't get their alcohol/drugs money etc given to them, they have more incentive to get one of the many hostel places.

Unfortunately if people ask for 'change for a hostel room,' it usually ain't.

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 29/10/2019 22:14

OhDeari the homeless guy we got friendly with told us that the worst thing was being woken up in his doorway by someone pissing on him. It wasn’t a one-off event either, apparently Sad Imagine being so utterly devoid of empathy that you think that’s an acceptable thing to do to another human being.

So fuck right off, those of you who think it’s a lifestyle choice or something to be joked about. So I might occasionally lose a few quid to a scammer? So what. There are people sleeping out on the street tonight who have lost everything. I’d rather be considered naive than heartless.

Interestedwoman · 29/10/2019 22:15

'people who don't live in the real world stating there are hardly any genuine homeless people.'

I've been homeless so I know what it's like for a fact and from real world experience you will be so privileged as to hopefully never know.

CrapTVAddict · 29/10/2019 22:17

I actually have been homeless

shiningstar2 · 29/10/2019 22:19

It is very difficult. Our church does what it can. We are small and independent of the big organisations with lots of money but we have tried to put our money where our mouth is by using what money we have to help the homeless. Teams go out at night from about 9.00 pm onwards when those who have a home have usually left for it. We take packs with new hats gloves socks wipes toothbrush/toothpaste food hand wash stuff ext ext. anything we can think of. Dog food as well. Just have a chat and treat them like human beings. Of course there are the chancers as well but so what ...shall we do nothing? Round about 11.30 you see the ones who without doubt are homeless carrying their sleeping bags and leaving the centre for where ever they can find a bit of shelter. Some of them drinking out of cheap vodka bottles trying to numb/blank out the cold. loneliness and fear of the long night. A couple of them shooting up. The clean, usually not long on the streets, go off to shelters for the homeless. Yes ...I know the others could do the same if they could get clean ...but it's not that easy. So much homelessness due to broken relationships alcoholism and mental health issues. Of course we've been taken for mugs occasionally but mostly not. God bless the city and all who are facing a cold lonely night tonight ...for whatever reason.

AnnaNimmity · 29/10/2019 22:27

some vile comments on this thread.

turnthebiglightoff · 29/10/2019 22:31

@Newoneonherr have a Biscuit and I hope it's stale.

NaviSprite · 29/10/2019 22:38

What @OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg said 100%

I’d rather be a fool than a cynic.

MaryPeary · 29/10/2019 22:59

In 2018 it was estimated there were 320,000 people on the streets and actually homeless. Its probably a lot more now

Eh @pudding21 where did you get that from? It's nothing anywhere near that in any estimate I've ever seen. Eg BBC says number of rough sleepers is approx 4,750 .

TricklBOO · 29/10/2019 23:11

Those are figures for England only and don't count people staying in hostels and shelters. It's based on councils doing a 'survey'. I wouldn't be surprised if they under-reported the number of homeless in their borough. The report itself says the figures are likely to be inaccurate.

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 29/10/2019 23:21

I was chatting to a local policeman a few months back - in our local supermarket. He was saying that most of the homeless people around this area do have places to live. They can sit on the ground but they are not allowed to ask for money.

ViciousJackdaw · 30/10/2019 00:11

Some really rotten posters here.

WRT hostel beds, imagine being a homeless person who is trying to stay away from alcohol/drugs. A hostel is the last place you want to be in, despite the rules, there's usually some A/D there. Imagine you've been on the receiving end of a good kicking. Would you really want to go and spend the night in a small space with others who are likely to be 'rattling'? What about if your MH issues have led to your homelessness? Many people in this predicament feel safer alone. People run the risk of getting robbed of the few quid or possessions they might have in hostels. And I do not need to explain why a hostel is not a safe place for a woman do I?

There's a damn sight more to solving this issue than creating hostel beds or placing people in flats. We need to tackle the social problems that create homelessness in the first place.

Let's remember that many people are just a redundancy or an illness away from homelessness themselves.

shrutefarm · 30/10/2019 02:31

"Can't you give me the money?" they said. "I prefer Costa's coffee."

God forbid a homeless person would eat or drink something they actually like the taste of. How dare they.