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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I a judgemental bitch?

79 replies

crispysausagerolls · 29/10/2019 08:50

Or am I reasonable but still judgemental?

I have an NCT friend who I like, I do. I think she has taken some seriously stupid risks with her baby, and up until now I have said “ok, not my business”. Eg ironing with her baby in a sling, using the schnuggle baby bath as a seat and putting it on kitchen counter/edge of the bed (ended in a trip to a&e obviously), holding 5m old baby with one hand on her shoulders walking on concrete with another hand full of bags.

BUT...to save time meeting a friend she strapped her baby in the normal adult front seat and drove like that. As in the baby seat was in the back, and she saved about 30 seconds to just put her in the front seat, with no baby seat of any kind. I just..it’s very judgemental of me but this is fucking insane isn’t it? I just can’t help myself I don’t want to spend time with her I don’t understand why someone would do that? But she is such a funny and lovely person! AIBU or am I a horrible person. Would you say something?!

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 29/10/2019 08:54

Some of the things in the first paragraph I’d probably keep quiet about, but the car seat thing is downright dangerous and probably illegal.

tennecoon23 · 29/10/2019 08:56

I think your being very reasonable!! I would probably have to say something about the car seat and the being on shoulders. My daughter is 5 months old and I wouldn't dream of doing any of what your friend does, maybe I'm just a over anxious first time mum Confused

backouch · 29/10/2019 08:59

I'm a mum of three children and never in a million years would I ever consider doing what she did. What is she thinking? Completely and utterly senseless, reckless and dangerous.

You're her friend, what can you do/say to stop her doing this?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/10/2019 08:59

Bloody hell yanbu about the car one at all

limitedscreentime · 29/10/2019 09:12

Please please say something. At 5 months old the child has very weak neck muscles and a very heavy head - even just braking could result in severe neurological injury or internal decapitation. I really hope this is some sort of wind up or god help her child.

AmIThough · 29/10/2019 09:16

Yeah your friend is a complete dick and to be honest she should be reported for the car incident.

MissBPotter · 29/10/2019 09:17

You should definitely say something.

Stop worrying about being ‘judgemental’. This is such an over used word. In what context did she inform you of this? I would probably say something like ‘please promise me you won’t ever do that again, I am really worried for your baby’. She might decide you’re ‘judgy’ but tbh she is an idiot. I would consider informing her health visitor as she is putting her baby in clear danger.

Silentlysinking101 · 29/10/2019 09:17

With the exception of the car seat I would say, not your circus stay out of it.

The cat thing... Fucking hell fire how can people be so stupid. Tell her outright please. She may not thank you but she needs reporting to the appropriate authorities... Police, ss?!

What flaming loon straps a 5 month old into the front seat.....

Please god tell me this post is a wind up cos its half term?!

highheelsandwitcheshats · 29/10/2019 09:18

'Would you say something?'. Fucking yes I would. You're not bring judgemental. She's a twat.

highheelsandwitcheshats · 29/10/2019 09:18

Being*

Passthecherrycoke · 29/10/2019 09:19

How is that even possible? A 5 month old would just be flopping around and end up lying down? Who told you she did it?

johnlennonsglasses · 29/10/2019 09:20

I'd consider myself a lax mother and by no means precious but Jesus she is crazy on the car seat front! That's just insane!

limitedscreentime · 29/10/2019 09:20

I'm no psychologist but also wonder if your friends mental health is ok? To be making decisions like this is not normal - and you tell you that she has done it.... is that a plea for help?

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 29/10/2019 09:27

Guys her baby is now 15 months. The shoulder thing was at 5m. Sorry for not being clear!

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 29/10/2019 09:31

I promise you this isn’t a wind up, unfortunately. Other things include leaving her baby on the side of a pool (with a 5ft concrete drop on the other side) to do her hair

OP posts:
Userzzzzz · 29/10/2019 09:32

The car seat thing is so out of the ordinary I’d be wondering if she was ok mentally like another poster. I don’t know how you’d even get a 5m old strapped in with a normal seatbelt without potentially strangling them or having them flop in a non/moving car. She was incredibly lucky something bad didn’t happen.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 29/10/2019 09:34

Is she still behaving in this way? The incidents you describe (5 months ago!) seem to have happened so long ago that I am surprised you didn’t say anything at the time. But yes, she sounds pretty awful.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 29/10/2019 09:34

Sorry for not being clear about the age in the OP.

She does suffer from depression I don’t know if that’s a factor? I don’t really know what to do. Another friend told me about the car thing, it happened this week, so I don’t think I can say anything without getting the friend into trouble. I 100% believe it though having witnessed everything else with my own eyes.

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 29/10/2019 09:34

Yeah she doesn’t like her baby much does she Confused

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 29/10/2019 09:35

These incidents have happened from birth up until now. She will also happily take her baby swimming/out and about etc if baby has been vomiting for days.

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 29/10/2019 09:36

It doesn’t make sense to me as she adores her baby and loves her very much!

OP posts:
Velveteenfruitbowl · 29/10/2019 09:38

Maybe stops pending time with her when she has her child in tow. I’m fairly laid back, I do sometimes judge people for being OTT about their children even. But this is down right negligence imo. You don’t have a child and then not give a shit whether it lives or dies.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 29/10/2019 09:40

I think a report to SS regarding possible neglect of a small child, OP. Really, what else can you do?

PennyBryn · 29/10/2019 09:52

I had a very similar situation, a friend who was far more laid back than me, things she did bothered me but I was torn as to whether I was endangering the child by keeping silent. One day my little one was at hers for a play date and as I walked to the store she drove past me with both my toddler and her own strapped in the same front seat in one seat belt, not seat, seatbelt!
Our eyes met and she knew!
But it triggered the conversation, we didn’t fall out, I told her that she was a good friend who taught me a lot about chilling out and being more laid back. However, we talked about how I didn’t expect her to be uptight like me, but when the “worst case scenario” of her actions could hurt my child I needed her to be a bit more uptight just as I would try to be a bit more laid back

HolyheadBound · 29/10/2019 09:59

You need to say something. To her partner, the GP, the HV, someone.

If that's the stuff you know about, I shudder to think what you don't know about!

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