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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a phobia of spiders? (DH shouted at me!)

112 replies

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 21:15

DH went around to his friend’s house, which is less than a mile away and he went by car so not far at all. I went upstairs and found a very big spider above one of the door frames. The spider then came down the door frame, towards me, so I freaked out and called DH.

I don’t freak out every time I see a spider and I actually feel like I’m getting a lot better but because this was so big, was on the floor, it’s bedtime and it was near the bedroom and I’m home alone, I felt like I needed it gone.

He first protested on the phone saying “I’m not coming home to get a spider” but I felt like that was a bit of bravado for his friend and I begged him (feeling like I might cry as I was so scared) to come and he did. By the time he got there (only about 2 mins later) it had gone under the door into one of the bedrooms. He then basically said he can’t do anything and “it’s gone”. Obviously it wasn’t gone and I just wanted him to check in the room or wait while I had a shower but instead he had a go, shouted, said I was controlling him by calling him home from his friends (he went back and that was always the plan) and that he can’t decide whether I’m manipulative or stupid. He also did his usual of questioning what I’m afraid of and saying it can’t hurt me. That’s not the point. It’s a phobia.

He could have just checked in the room as soon as he got here instead of screaming and shouting about it and stomping up and down the stairs.

I get that it’s an irrational fear and it was probably annoying for him to come home but I just think he was nasty we I didn’t do this deliberately to ruin his evening and it wasn’t exactly pleasant for me.

I’m now home alone again, watching TV downstairs, and dreading going upstairs again because of the massive spider.

OP posts:
Liverbird77 · 28/10/2019 21:37

Yanbu. I am terrified. My husband would have come home, had I asked him.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/10/2019 21:44

Yabu. I have a phobia of spiders but I wouldn't expect dp to come home to sort one for me. What would you do if he was at work, or too far away?

I think you could have put you big girl pants on and put a cup over it or something, and got him to take it out when he got back.

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 21:52

@Liverbird77 He did come home, he just didn’t do much when he got here!

@Stompythedinosaur No I couldn’t do that. If it were a smaller spider or maybe in a different place, then maybe. Like I said, I don’t react like this any time I see a spider, but this one was quite big and in an odd place where I didn’t feel I could do anything or escape.

If DH was away then I might have called my brother or something. Maybe your phobia is not as bad as mine!

OP posts:
curlii103 · 28/10/2019 21:53

Totally not unreasonable but I'm also blinded by an irrational fear of them! Someone more practical will tell you to put a cup over it ans get on with it!

Bellatrix14 · 28/10/2019 21:54

I’m afraid I’ll be honest and say I personally don’t think I could be in a relationship with someone who reacted the way that you did to spiders as it would bother me so much. I would not appreciate being called home from a friends house to hunt down a harmless spider for an adult, and definitely not to wait around while you showered in case it came back...

It was completely unnecessary of your husband to be so rude to you though, and I’m sorry if it’s upset you further. Presumably he knew how bad your phobia was when he married you!

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 21:55

I know @curlii103 but this one really bothered me. I have managed to put a cup over one before and leave it or just ignore it. I’m not a complete wimp! 😬

OP posts:
Celebelly · 28/10/2019 21:56

I think it is unreasonable but I can understand why you did it.

GrimalkinsCrone · 28/10/2019 21:57

How are you with a Hoover?

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 21:58

@Bellatrix14 Well yes he did know. He didn’t smoke when I married him and now he does and I hate that. None of us are perfect but I feel like he doesn’t get the irrational aspect of the phobia and I don’t always react like this - it’s been months or well over a year since I reacted like this to a spider (if that makes a difference)

Also if he wasn’t just around the corner then I wouldn’t have called (not sure what I would have done!)

OP posts:
userxx · 28/10/2019 21:59

It's a spider for ffs, get over it. I don't think anyone likes capturing them under a glass but needs must.

GrimalkinsCrone · 28/10/2019 22:00

I just wouldn’t have come back. Pointless of him to come back and yell at you. Why not Consider an arachnophobia course, they have helped a lot of people.

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 22:00

If it was on the floor and in a position where I could hoover it then I might have but it was on the wall and then went under a door into the other room and I really was paralysed with fear and couldn’t go in. Went in with DH when he got here and couldn’t see it but he could have looked behind things.

I am cold now on the sofa and scared to go up to bed. Annoyed with DH for screaming at me. I really wish I wasn’t so scared.

OP posts:
Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 22:01

Yes exactly - why come back and have a go?! He should have just not come back if he was going to lose his shit over it.

OP posts:
Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 22:02

Anyway we’ve gathered I am BU. Now need to pluck up the courage to go to bed...

OP posts:
Bellatrix14 · 28/10/2019 22:02

Ohhh, no, you’ve changed my mind. Smoking is horrid, make him catch all the spiders!

If that fails I have a German shepherd who considers spiders to be a delicious and high protein snack, you could try getting one of those Wink

Tableclothing · 28/10/2019 22:04

Go and see your GP. Your phobia is getting in the way of you living your life and it is treatable.

GrimalkinsCrone · 28/10/2019 22:04

He’s started smoking since being married?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 28/10/2019 22:05

I think yabu to have called him but yanbu to be afraid. I am similarly phobic and DH once decided to help me "get over my fear" by trapping a giant one in a glass and then bringing it over to show me, such that I was backed against a wall with him walking towards me with this thing.

It was over 3 years ago and I still haven't properly forgiven him.

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 22:05

@Bellatrix14 Thanks! I have a rabbit... 🤷‍♀️😂

OP posts:
SlightlySleepy · 28/10/2019 22:05

There is no way I'd have been able to put a cup over it and no way I could go to sleep upstairs. He might have been frustrated, but he was still being unkind. I would be really, really annoyed if my DH would have let it escape because he was too busy shouting. The only option is to burn your house down. Or lock the door of the room it is in, fill all gaps around the door and never go in there again. It's a small price to pay.

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 22:08

@Tableclothing What would a GP do? This is rare but yes I’d love if I didn’t feel like this. I feel it has got better over the years but tonight feels like a relapse or something.

@GrimalkinsCrone We he smoked before and then stopped a few years before we lived together and got married and then started again after we got married. I think he actually started on our wedding day as he went to smoke with his friends!! So he didn’t smoke when I moved in with him and married him but maybe I was naive to think he’d stopped forever?

Oh that’s awful @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff He has never done that

OP posts:
RatThink · 28/10/2019 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scaredofspiders · 28/10/2019 22:10

Sleepy We put a bath mat on the floor in front of the gap but I don’t think it’s completely safe tbh

I would like to go to bed... It could be anywhere now!

OP posts:
KobeLondon · 28/10/2019 22:10

Wow. I live on my own and guess who I call to help me? ... no fucking one. I deal with it because I’m a capable adult Hmm

Wildorchidz · 28/10/2019 22:11

This is rare

Not on MN it isn’t. Don’t know if it’s reflective of real life though

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