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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset

99 replies

Kerrence12 · 28/10/2019 19:44

Sorry about the long post!

So, my boyfriend and I have been together 18 months and we're about to move in together. We both work fulltime, but I have two early finshes a week. He's an avid cyclist and spends hours on a Saturday cycling with his friends. However this means that he only has one full day to get household stuff done - meal prep, washing, cleaning etc. But this one day is our only full day together a week. We live about 30 minutes drive away from each other, so every night, bar Wednesdays as I have a dance class, one of us will drive to the others and spend the night. Which has been ok up until about two months ago when it's started to become really tiresome for us both, as we feel like we're rushing around all the time.

Mondays are my early finish so I finish work, do the weekly shop, get home and do some house work and then it's time to go to his so we can have dinner and go to the gym together. I get to his after he arrives home and everything seems fine until I start getting stuff out for dinner. I was thinking kievs with veg and new potatoes but he got pissed because he wanted something "healthy". And by healthy he means me making a shepherds pie, lasagne or bolognaise from scratch. Keep in mind, I have been to work and have not stopped to even have lunch today so the last thing i want to be doing is spending ages in the kitchen cooking a lasagne or such like. This isn't the first time he's got shitty because I want to do something quick and easy with minimal washing up, as even though I wash as I go along I still have to help him tidy up after dinner. On a few occasions he's kicked up a fuss that I've not been at his house with dinner on the way before he gets in from cycling and I've been pissed off with him then and told him so. I dont mind cooking and usually when I have time I will make a real effort and try out a new recipe or make a fancy dinner, but I feel he expects this every time it's my turn to cook. 4 out of 7 days to be exact and nearly all of those days I make something from scratch.

It's starting to really upset me that he expects me to go all out making dinner each time it's my turn to cook, when I've been at work too and I have a house that needs cleaning and tidying and other day to day chores. He's constantly going on that I have two early finishes a week and he doesn't, so therefore he's busier than me so I should be more active in planning dinner etc. AIBU to be slightly pissed about this?

OP posts:
Jollitwiglet · 28/10/2019 19:48

Yanbu

Stop going to his and cooking for him

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 28/10/2019 19:48

What does he cook for you out of curiosity? He sounds like an utter prick. You don't even live together yet!

BrutusMcDogface · 28/10/2019 19:49

Erm, don’t move in with him as it seems you’ll be his skivvy!

What does he cook on his 3 nights? Cordon bleu? Hmm

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2019 19:50

Don't be in a relationship with a cyclist. It never bodes well.

userxx · 28/10/2019 19:51

This isn't going to end well. He wants a skivvy not a girlfriend.

user1492809438 · 28/10/2019 19:52

Don't ,don't move in with him. Can't you see the pattern, you doing everything and him being -importantly busy- out cycling!

Disfordarkchocolate · 28/10/2019 19:55

Read a few threads where the OP has a secret hobby = cycling. Then, run a mile away from this selfish ass. He wants a skivvy. Don't be one.

Frouby · 28/10/2019 19:58

Yeah, chuck a pack of salad at him next time. Prick.

If he wants homemade from scratch meals, I would suggest he makes them himself. Do not move in with this man.

My dh is a builder, out the house 12 to 14 hours a day. I work from home for maybe 2 hours a day. If I say I can't be arsed to cook properly, shall we have egg and beans on toast, or freezer surprise or a chippy tea he is happy with that.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2019 20:00

You've only been together 18 months, and his mask has already slipped. I hope you're wise enough to see him for who he really is.

LordNibbler · 28/10/2019 20:00

His hobby is cycling, I suggest you take up running....and makes sure it's the opposite direction to him.
Honestly, don't move in with this man. I think most replies will say the same.

pictish · 28/10/2019 20:03

So how is his cooking?

FairyBatman · 28/10/2019 20:05

If I were in your shoes I would be making my own dinner at home and meeting him at the gym. How he reacts will tell you everything you need to know about a future with him.

LurkerFinallyPosts · 28/10/2019 20:05

What does he cook for you? Btw, lasagne, bolognese and shepherd's pie are all fundamentally unhealthy.

isitpossibleto · 28/10/2019 20:08

Massive red flag. He is a twat. Do not move in with him.

adviceplease321 · 28/10/2019 20:09

Wow he expects a lot! & what does he do for you?
Same as PP I would nip this is the bud now. Either he changes or you don't move in!

Bellringer · 28/10/2019 20:10

Grilled chicken or fish are healthy, and beans.
Tell him to fuck off, don't move in.

SilverySurfer · 28/10/2019 20:12

You are destined to be his domestic drudge if you move in with him. If you think it's bad now, it will be 100 times worse when you live together.

On a few occasions he's kicked up a fuss that I've not been at his house with dinner on the way before he gets in from cycling and I've been pissed off with him then and told him so.

How can you type that and even consider staying in a relationship, let alone moving in with this arsehole ?

Plus you will have no life together, he will spend his cycling or some other hobby which will prevent him from lifting a finger and please don't get pregnant, you already have a man-child to look after.

Massive red flags are waving at you.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2019 20:12

Tell him to cycle his arse to a takeaway and get his own fucking dinner.

Sexnotgender · 28/10/2019 20:13

He’s a dick and he’s only going to get worse!

JasonPollack · 28/10/2019 20:13

Do not move in with this misogynist who thinks your free time belongs to him. Think about what he is suggesting, that you should be cooking for him while he enjoys his hobby! Run a mile from this wanker.

mumwon · 28/10/2019 20:16

salad (ready made) with tune or sliced salmon or boiled egg! that's healthy! (make sure you do each version in turn & have a meal at lunch time Grin) Poor dh got omelette salad at least once a week after first dc was born.

namina · 28/10/2019 20:18

Sounds like an arse don't move in with him

Quartz2208 · 28/10/2019 20:18

so many red flags dont move in

You will do everything and be lonely and resentful

BumbleBeee69 · 28/10/2019 20:20

christ.. and this is BEFORE you move in together... sod that Hmm

Haggisfish · 28/10/2019 20:21

Imagine if you have dc?! Don’t move in and get rid.