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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset

99 replies

Kerrence12 · 28/10/2019 19:44

Sorry about the long post!

So, my boyfriend and I have been together 18 months and we're about to move in together. We both work fulltime, but I have two early finshes a week. He's an avid cyclist and spends hours on a Saturday cycling with his friends. However this means that he only has one full day to get household stuff done - meal prep, washing, cleaning etc. But this one day is our only full day together a week. We live about 30 minutes drive away from each other, so every night, bar Wednesdays as I have a dance class, one of us will drive to the others and spend the night. Which has been ok up until about two months ago when it's started to become really tiresome for us both, as we feel like we're rushing around all the time.

Mondays are my early finish so I finish work, do the weekly shop, get home and do some house work and then it's time to go to his so we can have dinner and go to the gym together. I get to his after he arrives home and everything seems fine until I start getting stuff out for dinner. I was thinking kievs with veg and new potatoes but he got pissed because he wanted something "healthy". And by healthy he means me making a shepherds pie, lasagne or bolognaise from scratch. Keep in mind, I have been to work and have not stopped to even have lunch today so the last thing i want to be doing is spending ages in the kitchen cooking a lasagne or such like. This isn't the first time he's got shitty because I want to do something quick and easy with minimal washing up, as even though I wash as I go along I still have to help him tidy up after dinner. On a few occasions he's kicked up a fuss that I've not been at his house with dinner on the way before he gets in from cycling and I've been pissed off with him then and told him so. I dont mind cooking and usually when I have time I will make a real effort and try out a new recipe or make a fancy dinner, but I feel he expects this every time it's my turn to cook. 4 out of 7 days to be exact and nearly all of those days I make something from scratch.

It's starting to really upset me that he expects me to go all out making dinner each time it's my turn to cook, when I've been at work too and I have a house that needs cleaning and tidying and other day to day chores. He's constantly going on that I have two early finishes a week and he doesn't, so therefore he's busier than me so I should be more active in planning dinner etc. AIBU to be slightly pissed about this?

OP posts:

Countrybumpkins · 28/10/2019 20:23

Let me hazard a guess that you are moving in with him?

SeraphinaDombegh · 28/10/2019 20:25

You can do better than him, OP. He's showing his true colours. Knock it on the head - the distance means it was never going to be easy and he's not exactly bending over backwards to facilitate that, is he? Sorry but it's time to move on, if you ask me.

shrutefarm · 28/10/2019 20:26

Christ bin him quick. He wants a maid not a girlfriend.

shrutefarm · 28/10/2019 20:29

Those two early finishes a week should be your time to do as you bloody please, not plan his bloody dinner. What a wanker

messolini9 · 28/10/2019 20:30

Oh dear OP.
The only thing unreasonable in your entire initial post is that you have only recently started to get pissed off with your selfish, entitled b/f.

Please view these recent feelings as a wake-up call. Above all, do not move in with him because it will mean you no longer have to commute between 2 houses. I can guarantee it wont mean you get to spend any more time with him than he wants to give you. On the contrary, you will still not see him all day saturday, & he will continue to dictate that you shoulder all the domestic drudgery because he is out of the house more that you ...

I cannot believe the gall of the man, complaining to his g/f who does all the food shopping & cooking that he wants a different meal than you have prepared. If he wants to eat something g different, presumably he knows where the shops are & how the oven works.

He's like this before you've even begun living together.
He'll be way, way, worse if you are daft enough to move in.

LavendarGreen · 28/10/2019 20:32

@Kerrence12

YANBU at ALL, and as most posters have said, do NOT move in with this man.

I'd make the fucker wear it if any boyfriend/partner/husband of mine was so nasty about what I made/prepared them for lunch or dinner.

DH had a phase of being hard to please, (some 6 or 7 years back,) and turning his nose up at half the meals I offered/suggested. And when I did actually give him his meal, he would sometimes say (meekly and passively,) 'umm that was a bit underdone/overdone/cool/more spicy than I like' (probably around 1 in 3 times I made him a meal.)

After about 4-5 months of tolerating this, (and me just giving him a look,) he had a big moan about how his fries were not crispy, his peas were 'cool' and his burger was overdone. and I said. 'Ya know what?! Seeing as you're SO damn fucking difficult to please, and seem to fucking moan and bitch at most of what I prepare and cook for you, I think it's time you started making your own lunch and dinner, coz then at least you can do it to YOUR TASTE! And also, I can't be fucked to do it for you anymore!'

It was a proper angry, shouty rant, and I was practically frothing at the mouth. 4 or 5 months of pent up rage and anger coming to a head!!!

Oddly, he never ever ever complained again.

BucketOfTheDetective · 28/10/2019 20:34

Fuck that!! Don't move in with him!

Neverender · 28/10/2019 20:34

Why are you going to HIS house and cooking for HIM? Mental...

Andysbestadventure · 28/10/2019 20:34

Run. Like the fucking wind OP.

BillHadersNewWife · 28/10/2019 20:34

I wouldn't eat kiev either but unless he's ALSO cooking for you regularly, he can't complain.

He sounds like a spoiled baby. If he wants to eat healthily, then he can buy lean fish or meat and have it with a salad which he makes himself.

Neverender · 28/10/2019 20:34

You're a guest....

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/10/2019 20:34

At least you discovered what an ass he is before moving in with him.

category12 · 28/10/2019 20:35

Christ, don't move in with him.

ladyflower23 · 28/10/2019 20:35

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM

Blacksheep52 · 28/10/2019 20:35

Massive alarm 🔔’s here OP! As everyone else has said...Do not move in with him!!!

PegasusReturns · 28/10/2019 20:37

I cannot wait to hear what he cooks for you

SleepingSoul · 28/10/2019 20:37

He sounds like my twat of an ex, who would expect dinner on the table the minute he walked in the door, and in his words he wouldn't want "any of that shit from the freezer" , he wanted cooked from scratch. Never mind the fact he'd get in at the same time I was getting DD to bed or that I was also working. Note the word "ex" and think about how bad things could be for you in years to come if you don't tackle this now.

Itsallpetetong · 28/10/2019 20:39

This isn't the first time he's got shitty

Why are you still with him?

Sweetpea55 · 28/10/2019 20:40

Open a bag of pre packed salad and a quiche. Alternatively tell him to fuck off.. It will only get worse.

Josephinebettany · 28/10/2019 20:42

What does he cook

justasking111 · 28/10/2019 20:42

oh my friend is married to a cyclist. He even goes abroad on cycling holidays. You will be a lonely person especially if you want a family. Nothing comes before his bike.

category12 · 28/10/2019 20:46

UnderHisEyeBall · 28/10/2019 20:48

Btw, lasagne, bolognese and shepherd's pie are all fundamentally unhealthy.

Fuck me. I used to hate the weird food shit on Mumsnet, but I have grown to love the ana crowd for their innate hilariousness.

brighteyeowl17 · 28/10/2019 20:49

Don’t move in if he gets arsey about this. He will expect it everyday

Maryann1975 · 28/10/2019 20:49

I have the same response as everyone else. Do not let this relationship progress any further.

Why are you always going to his place? Does he ever make any effort to come to yours or to cook for you? In this house, I’m very much of the opinion that the person doing the cooking gets to choose what we eat. And everyone is welcome to choose as long as they help prepare. This ensures I get to make easy things when I can’t be bothered. Even the 9 year old can do a reasonable job at cooking a simple meal.

I’m struggling to see how spag Bol is any healthier than Kiev’s, potatoes and veg though, so I would have thrown that argument straight back at him

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