To wish I'd never learned to drive

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Took me ages to learn to drive. Not a natural learner and mostly hated it.
Forced myself to Do it as although I don't actually need to drive as live in a big city, I also wanted to be able to take the dc on holiday etc.
Passed recently and first time. Initially quite excited at the prospect but that has worn off.
Had a bit of surprise cash to buy a car which I did but i havent driven it!!

I cannot face it. I feel like a fraud for passing. I have no clue.
It's not even the actual driving as such
I do not feel able to 'go anywhere ' or park up as I feel like I won t be able to manoeuvre the car into a space. (Even in a big car park).
Whilst i was learning i relied heavily on my instructor to guide me as to what to do, even to the extent that he would be basically be telling me which way to steer and how much. I will not be able to just set off and go to the shops. Everywhere is busy where I live too. Not really any quiet areas.
I honestly do not know what to do for the best.
I can't bring myself to go out and be in a potential situation that i can't handle.
My dp is supportive but I feel total humiliation at him having to even drive the car into a setting off position but I start. Which.is what he did the day I bought it. I drove to the top of.the road.
It's giving me so much anxiety that I'm waking up at night.
I was happy before I learned! So I'm upset that I'm now feeling like this.I'm.just not cut out for it am I?

Might be worth having some refresher lessons so your instructor can give you advice which will in turn improve your confidence. Just like in your initial lessons, they will be there to take over if necessary so you have the reassurance that nothing will go wrong with you behind the wheel. You can even get lessons for motorway driving these days.

It sounds like you may benefit from a new instructor if you are too reliant on your previous one.

Practice makes perfect. Perhaps see if you can book up an instructor for a bit of a refresher, but using your own car so you can get used to it?

I remember when I got my first car and had to start driving solo, it was a bloody frightening prospect and I was not a natural either. Took me a lot of practice to really get some confidence.

I felt like you! I got an automatic, which made a huge difference. If you already have a car, refresher lessons also really help. I have been driving to work every day since the start of Sept! :D

How on earth did you pass your test? It doesn’t sound like you’re safe on the road.
You need to have some refresher lessons and don’t stop until you’re more confident.

I was terrified when I got my first car, my dad had to sit in with me until I got used to driving on my own. He also took me to the shopping centre car park and we drove round and round, practising parking in spaces and pulling out. After a few weeks it was fine though. Years have passed and I still prefer to park as far away from other cars as possible because it’s easier to park when the neighbouring spaces are empty. I still don’t like to make unfamiliar journeys, I tend to stick to well known routes where I go regularly and I know which lane I need to be in etc.

I already have an auto car!!I did think about refresher lessons. Even though I Only just passed so not really much to refresh!
It feels criminal to see the car outside and me walking past it to get the bus.
Equally though, I would rather not have car at all than feel like this. I was fine before,knowing my limits as to where I could go on public transport.

Firstly. This is relatively common. I was a terrible learner. My driving was ok but my parking, manoeuvring skills were terrible. I passed second time. I had no money for a car at the so I got insured on a relatives car and occasionally used that but I never built up any experience and confidence. I felt like a fraud and I’d never be capable. I live in a rural area too so going further afield on busy roads made me anxious. As well as reversing on tight narrow roads. For the first few year of passing my test I didn’t really drive much. I felt like I was gonna hit cars whilst parking.

But all I can say is practise makes perfect. Make little trips to the supermarket, shops, etc etc before you’re confident to go further afield. The less you drive the less confident you become.

I finally got my own car. I was so nervous about being behind the wheel after about 4 years of not driving at this point. But I moved to a remote area with no public transport I had to drive. But making myself do it really helped.

There’s a road near me that’s so narrow and windy At first I would purposely add another 20 minutes onto my journey going the ‘easier’ way but these days I do the narrow road like the back of my hand. It really is practise.

I am rambling now. But I was like you and now 10 years after passing my test and about 4 years after getting my own I finally feel like I’m a good driver. Still crap at parking though 🤣

Also consider refresher lessons. Loads of people I know have done this!

I learnt to drive and passed my test earlier this year. I already had my own car so got into driving straight away, which I think helped loads.

The only way to get over it is to actually drive, you will prove to yourself you can do it. I felt lots of worries about driving in various conditions and carry out certain manoeuvres on my own, but each time they turned out to not be as bad as I thought they would be, and I did them fine.

I am now pretty happy behind the wheel (I passed back in June).

Maybe get some lessons from an instructor in your car. If your old instructor lets you lean on them too much, maybe get a new one. An instructor should really be pushing you to drive with next to no input from them before you take your test.

It's a while since I passed but I remember feeling similarly terrified. Try and drive as much as you can in a way you feel safe- with someone in car or lessons (pass plus?) - it does get easier. DH used to take me to empty car parks for parking lessons on a Sunday am. Seriously I used to have weird nightmares about it. Now I love driving and am happy driving any car pretty much anywhere. You can do it

You obviously can manouevre else you wouldn't have passed your test. So it's a confidence issue not a skill issue. More lessons with a different instructor - with the added benefit of not having the driving test looming ahead of you.

You won't get into a situation you can't handle. There's ways around. You can go a longer way round to avoid a nasty right turn. You can find somewhere else to park even if it means half a mile walk to where you're aiming to get to. Use Google street view - "drive" every journey on your computer before you do it in real life.

You don't have to drive by yourself just because you've passed your test - drive when you're both in the car together, for at least part of the journey. Nothing to be humiliated about. And then there will come one day when your urge to get somewhere over-rides your nerves - for me it was when my new childminder announced she couldn't cope with a baby and could I please take him away that instant. I was so cross that I picked up the car from the station car park and drove it, my first solo trip.

Does your car have a reversing camera? They are excellent for helping with parking.

If you hate it and can use public transport then why not sell it? I don't think there is any shame in saying "It's not for me".

honestly OP you just need to get in the car and go out more. I used to have to psych myself up every time I went out in the car then it becomes second nature. My advice is to head to the shops early at the weekend, 8am on a Saturday head out, gain more and more experience. Also take your time, dont feel under pressure when driving or parking, let the sods wait.

I did a lot of driving late at night when the roads were quiet after I first passed. You could go to empty car parks in the evening when they're less busy and practice your manoeuvres. You need to bite the bullet and just get out there and practice, it all comes naturally in time.

I had refresher lessons and my instructor took me on the routes I would be doing normally - to work, to the supermarket- as well as filtering in onto duel carriageways - until I felt reasonably confident. It really helped.There is nothing wrong in not being able to things, it just means you need some more practice.

Your instructor did you no favours by letting you rely on him.
Have a few more lessons with someone else who will help you to gain confidence.
Explain, before you book, that that is what you need.

The only way to get over it is to actually drive, you will prove to yourself you can do it.

This. Force yourself to have a drive when the roads are quiet, when you don't actually need to go anywhere, so there'll be no pressure to meet a time deadline (i.e. to get to work or an appointment). Even driving around the block is a good start, and then build up on it. Drive yourself to quiet areas, such as a residential area with wide/quiet roads (bungalow estates) and just drive for the fun of it.

We're going through the same with my son. He took to driving really well, passed first time with not even any minors, but basically hasn't driven on his own yet because he doesn't need to. He's fine with one of us sat with him, but just won't go on his own. We've "made him" go round our estate and drive a couple of miles down the road and back so far, and it's looking positive to build his confidence.

You have to make yourself be brave and push it. I felt like I was the type of learner who wasn't a natural, but who learnt to a level where I was safe to pass. I only felt like a "proper" driver after passing, driving alone, and having plenty of experience.

You'll maybe need to go to a relatively quiet car park and learn your turning points to park well, but the only way to get comfortable is to get behind the wheel and do it.

You must have managed to park OK without help on your test?

I found I was actually happier about driving not having an instructor in the car, because I wasn't constantly conscious that someone else was noting any mistakes. Give it a go, you may well find the same.

I was very nervous, I didn't drive for two years after passing my test and then I skidded in bad weather and didn't drive for another two years! I only did very short journeys and when I look back, I remember being scared of a 10 minute drive to the next town when I was doing an evening class. But I gradually drove further and further and had a small car to make life as easy as possible (and parking in large car parks way away from everyone else, driving into spaces, now I always reverse even from very strange angles). It's all a question of practice. I got much better when I was on maternity leave, partly because of necessity and partly because I had time to think " I wonder what's down there" drive down a road and find new routes to places, so the interest distracted me from being nervous. And because, as a pp said, you don't have the time pressure you don't feel as stressed and can just drive where you feel comfortable to get more used to it. There are still journeys I avoid even now though.

You could have a refresher lesson - or take a friend with you.

To be honest if you can get a bus, it's more eco-friendly anyway. The car should be for the journeys you can't easily do by bus.

As an example, where if you lived where I live, you could turn left out of my road, and then do a circle around a 4ish mile block. You would have a couple of sets of traffic lights, and one roundabout, but no awkward turns and it would be a really easy way to start getting a bit of confidence. Is there anything similar where you live?

I’ve heard it said more than once that you only really learn to drive after you’ve passed your test. And it’s absolutely true.
Book a handful of refresher lessons just to get you going then get in that car and drive it. You’ll soon be wondering what you were so afraid of.

I agree with the idea of refresher lessons in your own car. Massively helped me when I was nervous about driving on motorways!!

My adult DS learnt to drive in London as a student but didn’t bother buying a car because it’s fairly pointless running a car when you’re single and live in London.
A couple of years after passing his test he decided to come to visit us in rural Ireland with his girlfriend and they hired a car at the airport. (Normally, I’d drive to collect him.) He spent a fortnight driving around all over the place and absolutely loved it. The roads are much quieter over here and they both took turns driving. They’ve decided to book a few more week-end breaks here with car hire to increase their driving experience.
Maybe if you live in a busy city, you could book a weekend cottage somewhere more rural and drive there and potter around the quieter roads during the week-end to improve your confidence?

I passed my test and then didn’t drive for 3 years (went to uni). The anxiety grows the longer you leave it.

You can drive, otherwise you wouldn’t have passed your test. Your examiner isn’t allowed to direct you in your test and basically do it for you. So you can drive but you lack experience. Which is normal.

I had refresher courses which were essentially like a Pass Plus, a course you can do after passing. I’m not sure if they still do Pass Plus but ask around because some instructors will know what you mean (it’s 10 years ago that I passed). The Pass Plus works on building confidence and taking you into other environments. My refresher course covered things like motorway driving, country roads. As for parking, just drive to the empty part of the car park and pull through both spaces, no reversing needed.

Start with your DP in the car and just take a small drive, on a trip you know well. Practice that a few times, then do it by yourself. Then do the same drive but extend it slightly. Go out when it’s quiet to start with and build up. It sort of clicks after a little while and you’ll not really think about it anymore. Soon you’ll be doing 70 down the motorway and grumbling that there aren’t enough Starbucks drive throughs.