To wish I'd never learned to drive

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Took me ages to learn to drive. Not a natural learner and mostly hated it.
Forced myself to Do it as although I don't actually need to drive as live in a big city, I also wanted to be able to take the dc on holiday etc.
Passed recently and first time. Initially quite excited at the prospect but that has worn off.
Had a bit of surprise cash to buy a car which I did but i havent driven it!!

I cannot face it. I feel like a fraud for passing. I have no clue.
It's not even the actual driving as such
I do not feel able to 'go anywhere ' or park up as I feel like I won t be able to manoeuvre the car into a space. (Even in a big car park).
Whilst i was learning i relied heavily on my instructor to guide me as to what to do, even to the extent that he would be basically be telling me which way to steer and how much. I will not be able to just set off and go to the shops. Everywhere is busy where I live too. Not really any quiet areas.
I honestly do not know what to do for the best.
I can't bring myself to go out and be in a potential situation that i can't handle.
My dp is supportive but I feel total humiliation at him having to even drive the car into a setting off position but I start. Which.is what he did the day I bought it. I drove to the top of.the road.
It's giving me so much anxiety that I'm waking up at night.
I was happy before I learned! So I'm upset that I'm now feeling like this.I'm.just not cut out for it am I?

There will be quiet car parks to practise in, trust me. I live in a busy city, I know car parks that are empty before 9.30am before all the shoppers get there or after 6pm when the shops have closed. Did your instructor never tell you 'you learn to drive when you've passed your test', never a truer word spoken. Drive alone, not with your DH, so you're not under pressure.

It seems that you were comfortable with someone (instructor, test official) next to you but are nervous on your own. You need to start off with some very short trips at times when there isn't much traffic on the road and in daylight and build on that. If it helps, go onto Street View on Google Maps and you can 'drive' a route on the computer before doing it for real.

Put a green and white 'P' plate (new driver who has just passed their test) on your car back and front so that other drivers can give you a bit more room.

Could you ask a friend to come with you do you think? I passed my test and this helped me hugely .Also what about going to an empty large car park say 7am ?.My Instructor made me drive on my own that evening (when I passed my test) and I was terrified ! You just need to build up your confidence really .Dont worry about manouevreing into a space I have been driving over 20 years and still cant paralell park! Please dont give up , you have passed your test to an acceptable standard .You just need to build your confidence up!

I did a Pass Plus course with my instructor the week after I passed which is basically 6 hours of driving, and it can be tailored to anything you don't feel too confident with to get more practice - big roundabouts for me! We drove to the seaside on A roads, then back on the motorway which was less scary than I thought it would be!

Is there an industrial estate near where you live where you could go and practice manoeuvres? The roads tend to to be wider and quieter so good for practice and building up confidence, even if you have to get your DP to drive you there.

Really unhelpful the posters writing However did you pass?! She passed because she was good enough to pass and just lacks confidence which I should imagine is being fast eroded by these comments.
Op, practice does make perfect. Keep practising even with a trained instructor every couple of weeks. I had no confidence and now driving is second nature. It’s a really valuable skill to have in the bag even if you don’t use it all the time. I agree with poster who says if you leave it now, it will just get harder to do in the future as nerves and anxiety set in. Exams are harder these days than 20 years ago and they wouldn’t have passed you if they didn’t think you were road worthy!

Please dont sell your car ! Even if you feel you can get around town OK there will be endless times when you will be pleased you learned to drive! I think some more lessons with your Instructor will probably help you ,and when you leave him ,take a little drive on your own each time Its just a skill like lots of things the more you practice the better you will be !

I passed at 17, drive my parents car fairly frequently, then moved away and didn't drive for about 10 years! Then I had another couple of years terrified of driving and avoiding it where possible.

In the end I just had to force myself and over 10 years later I don't have any problems! Well, still not great at parallel parking and reverse parking but I just own it and find somewhere where I don't have to!

If you want to do it just make yourself but take someone sympathetic with you (preferably a driver just in case you freeze).

You're not alone! My friend passed at 21 and has never driven since! My sister likewise. A lot of people feel like you.

Do they still do those pass plus courses? You could do one of those. It's basically a day of driving, if I remember correctly.

Look, OP, you absolutely CAN drive, you CAN park, you WILL NOT ‘get into trouble’ and there WILL be a quiet corner of a car park to park up in.

I didn’t learn till I was nearly 40. I didn’t want to, it caused me a lot of stress and anxiety, and I was happier not driving. But I had to learn.

When I passed, I had to force myself to overcome the anxiety every time, because I had no choice to avoid it.

The more you do it, the more confident you will get.

Do a route you did with your instructor. Tell yourself you’ll drive to the supermarket and buy a pint of milk. The worst that can happen is you get there, drive around the car park, don’t see a space you are confident parking in and drive home without the milk.

You can do it. Go with plenty of time and relax. It really matters not if you get lost, phones have satnav, believe you can. Strangers on the internet believe you can because you passed your test first time. You can.

Also, my driving instructor told me she frequently did ‘confidence-building’ lessons with people of all driving abilities from those who’d been driving for years but had a big new unfamiliar car, say, to people like you who just need a bit of extra reassurance.

Book a 2-hour lesson and have a list of places you want to go - the supermarket, the petrol station, the swimming pool, that tricky roundabout that still worries you, the animal farm that’s hard to get to by public transport.

Once you’ve been somewhere you can do it again on your own.

Then eventually you’ll be able to go places you’ve never been before too.

You WILL be able to do it OP.
You must have driven independently to pass your test. You reached the same standard as everyone else.

What you need to do is just do it. I was shitting myself when I first drove the car around the block without anyone with me. But I forced myself and did it.

I’ve had quite a few times when I haven’t been able to park in a space or I’ve made a mistake and been honked at. It happens.

Can you get dp or a friend to sit with you for back up? You just need to take that car out OP. Drive it round the block and take it from there. I found that I had to drive every day for the first few weeks so I didn’t lose confidence.

And get a satnav. Taking the worry out of which way you’re going is one less thing to think about. And it tells you which lane you need to be in!

I drove my dm around for a day after I passed to build my confidence. We also did things like get petrol and park in a car park.

After dh passed as an adult, it was ages before he could park. He stiff bumps other cars now, (to my horror). He also took his dB on long journeys for confidence.

It's normal to feel nervous to go out on your own. Start small, go somewhere close and a quiet time of day, a Sunday maybe. And take an experienced driver with you. The more you drive the more you'll grow in ability and confidence.

OP my sister was the same as you

She packed it in very quickly because it stressed her out so much

I drove for about ten years, partly gave up because London traffic. But now I have tried again in my mums car and really hated it. I like being able to get on a bus and not worry what damage I might do.

Some people get very worked up about non drivers but it just doesn't suit me. I say that as someone who really enjoyed it for a time, but that was back in the day when the roads weren't full of people on their phones!

OP, I can totally sympathise with you as I'm going through something similar at the moment.

I started learning at 17. From the start I was never a natural, driving has always made me nervous and my spatial awareness is terrible. After a year of lessons my instructor decided I was ready to tackle city driving 🙈 I eventually passed at 21 after six attempts (had more or less given up on lessons when I was at uni) and didn't actually have any need to drive immediately after I passed.

I just started driving again at the start of this month and I hate it. Even the thought of the 7 minute drive to work was making my heart race the night before just thinking about it. My parents were very understanding and accompanied me on my first few journeys to work. I mostly am driving OK but I did have a few drives where I stalled at the traffic lights several times or was a bit "hoppy" when changing gears. In fact just a week ago I bawled my eyes out in front of my mum telling her how much I hate it.

However I'm already starting to feel a little bit less nervous every time I go out. I managed to drive to work today and not get out of the car with shaking legs. You start to get used to the car and once you feel totally in control of that (as in, not panicking you're going to stall every time you move off) that will take a lot of the edge off.

I keep reminding myself that a qualified examiner has deemed me safe enough to drive on the roads, and that I can drive in cities and busier places although I'm working up to that at the moment. Just remember that the majority of other drivers are never going to see you ever again. Would putting P plates on your car make you feel more comfortable?

I know it's horrible but like others have said the only thing you can do is practice. Give it another month or so and if you still feel it's not for you don't feel bad if you decide to sell your car. But do try and stick at it for a bit longer. Good luck!

I've been driving for almost 10 years now and I still, at the start of the journey, consider my options for parking at my destination so I can have a plan in my head of where I'm going. Not because I'm nervous about the actual driving but I hate feeling lost in general.

The first few times I drove after my test I had DH in the car. Then I did some routes I already knew well from being a passenger then the big one was picking up my FILs car so DH drove us both to their house then I drove our car home following DH in FILs car. I was a nervous wreck but I put music on so I wasn't "alone" and just talked myself through the roundabouts etc as I was coming up to them.

Do you drive in silence when you go out? I'd suggest something non-distracting to occupy the part of your brain that goes "aaaaaaahhhhhhh" the whole time.

I was like this op (and still am slightly sometimes!) so please don't feel like you're the only one.

The first time I took the car out alone I planned it like this - got up really, really early for a short drive to the local train station and back. This was a really short and simple drive I knew well and there wasn't a single other car on the road as it was so early. Once that was done I already felt a bit better.

Then I just built it up from there. As it currently stands I can drive to the local supermarket and baby group alone / with baby. Anywhere else I can do but my fiancé (who assures next I'm a good driver and it's just confidence) has to be with me. With his support I can get pretty much anywhere including on motorways but I'll admit I do get nervous when it's busy. Not perfect considering I passed my test over 2 years ago but it's good enough for me for now.

Good luck, you can definitely be more confident. Have you considered pass plus?

When i first got my car after my test i didnt want to drive, very anxious on my own. I should have had some extra lessons really on everyday parking situations, motorway driving etc.

Hated parallel parking but not too bad driving in a space in car parks. I used to plan my route in my head before i went and sometimes i would just go for a drive to get my confidence up. With me it was practice makes perfect, well more confident. Took years to feel ok on motorway. Now i reverse park and will drive anywhere.

Ask an instructor or dh to go out with you to build confidence and provide little help

Thank you everyone
You have a been super super supportive and encouraging.
Dh has annoyed me tonight as he's sick of me 'going on' about it.
So much for his support.
It's strange but In one way I'd prefer to be alone so i don't feel so humiliated but another part of me feels safe with someone next to me
Even if its one of the dc. Saw one poster said she felt better with her 16 yr old sister.
Maybe the radio might help as gnerally i love music on. I just need fo figure out how to work it
I think I will give it a go early(really early) tomorrow and see. Maybe give it a bit longer before I give up.

Glad we all helped! I much, much prefer driving on my own or with just dd. When I first started doing long drives on my own I used to get up very early in the summer and enjoy the quiet roads.

Maybe the radio might help as gnerally i love music on. I just need fo figure out how to work it

Can confirm, makes a HUGE difference. As a learner you can’t have the radio on ... get it tuned l, sitting in the front seat, and you’re half way to feeling it’s yours!

Also - perhaps I’m odd, but going alone MUCH less embarrassing or stressful than having someone there - after all, if there isn’t a parking space I feel OK about I can come home without worrying. If there is then I can feel pressured into attempting it. Children are usually either oblivious or very encouraging- I found saying “Mum’s quite stressed about driving because I haven’t been doing it long” git be quite a bit of sympathy and understanding l!

Good luck!

They say you only really start learning to drive once you've passed your test.
Take the pressure off yourself. You've learnt how to operate the car, now the real driving begins and it's experience that will make you a good driver.

I felt like this for a long time. Agree with all the posters saying go late at night. I lived in a busy area of London when I had first passed but even that was relatively empty if you waited late enough (or early enough). You can do it! The more practice you get the more confident you'll become. Good luck!

I think you’re blowing this up into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. Calm down - there are loads of us rubbish drivers out there! I passed my test aged 17, then went 17 years without driving because I lived in a city centre. I had refresher lessons earlier this year and got my first car and am still nervous of driving, but take it steady and make sure I don’t rush things like parking. I recommend refresher lessons - they were great for me.