To wish I'd never learned to drive

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Took me ages to learn to drive. Not a natural learner and mostly hated it.
Forced myself to Do it as although I don't actually need to drive as live in a big city, I also wanted to be able to take the dc on holiday etc.
Passed recently and first time. Initially quite excited at the prospect but that has worn off.
Had a bit of surprise cash to buy a car which I did but i havent driven it!!

I cannot face it. I feel like a fraud for passing. I have no clue.
It's not even the actual driving as such
I do not feel able to 'go anywhere ' or park up as I feel like I won t be able to manoeuvre the car into a space. (Even in a big car park).
Whilst i was learning i relied heavily on my instructor to guide me as to what to do, even to the extent that he would be basically be telling me which way to steer and how much. I will not be able to just set off and go to the shops. Everywhere is busy where I live too. Not really any quiet areas.
I honestly do not know what to do for the best.
I can't bring myself to go out and be in a potential situation that i can't handle.
My dp is supportive but I feel total humiliation at him having to even drive the car into a setting off position but I start. Which.is what he did the day I bought it. I drove to the top of.the road.
It's giving me so much anxiety that I'm waking up at night.
I was happy before I learned! So I'm upset that I'm now feeling like this.I'm.just not cut out for it am I?

Get a mate and go and roll around for a bit it'll come to you

Even though I Only just passed so not really much to refresh! It's not really refreshing, it's about becoming more confident by having lessons when you haven't both got an eye permanently on the Test.

Whatever you do, don't let your driving license lapse. Learning to drive again without needing to pass the test is so much easier than learning to drive and with a test looming ahead.

I was terrified when I first passed. I did the pass plus course with my instructor which helped massively. But you really have to just get in that car and drive. Even if it's exactly the same short 'safe' route every time for a bit. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. Go and practice parking at the far end of a massive supermarket car park when it's quiet.

Oh OP. Huge hug to you.
I totally understand where you are coming from.
I used to drive everywhere. I was absolutely fearless.
Then I did not drive for over a decade. I was then a nervous wreck.
My advice to you is to start small with your partner in the car with you going to the nearest place 15 minutes away. Do that journey over and over until it becomes second nature. Then another route. Than another route.
Drive just to those 3 places for the next month to rebuild your confidence. Then add on from there.
Do NOT allow people up your arse to unnerve you.
Do NOT feel bad about hanging round or driving round for an easy park.
DO try and go out every day even for half an hour.
DO remember the following - the worst case is that you will get lost. The worst case is that you will continue driving to get out of a situation you are not comfy with. The worst case is that you will follow another driver if unsure. If/when any of these scenarios happen you WILL find your way back. You WILL be okay. Just keep breathing. Just keep driving.
But as with all things, if something takes more than it gives, you are also within your rights to let it go without feeling bad about it as you have free bloody will.
It does get better by the way. But I will still go out my way to avoid the motorway and avoid the unfamiliar. I have time. I have got lost three or four times now. I just tell myself the car is getting its battery recharged I refuse to panic and I have no worries about pulling over if I need to, as long as it's safe. Space, tyres, tarmac. Speed limit. Mirrors. Breathing. Think about the drive rather than the destination. I know that sounds counter-intuitive but it takes the pressure off.

Contact your instructor. They will help.

I was scared too at first, much the same as I was leaving the hospital with my first baby. You just have to go for it. In a month or so you won't even remember feel ing nervous xxx

@Iusedtobecarmen I have to say, like a pp, I also don't understand how you passed if you're so bad.

If you don't want to drive, then don't; it's really that simple.

If you want to drive (but lack confidence,) take some refresher lessons.

I think you're the first person I have ever known who has passed their test, and actually wishes they hadn't learnt to drive. People are usually over the moon.

After I’d passed my test, it took me 2 years to actually drive my car. I was terrified of driving and kept putting it off until one day it hit me to just go for it. Yes I stalled a lot but I had to just keep practicing and now I’m so happy that I did it. Keep going and one day, you’ll crack it

If you're determined to keep driving, I really would book in some more lessons to help with your confidence. It does sound as if you might be putting your safety (and that of other people) at risk.

But if you really can't get past it, there's no shame in just not driving. My brother did this; he took years and god know's how many tries to get his test, but he just didn't take to it. Sold his car after a year and went back to public transport.

For the first year after passing my test I only drove to work and back. Just that one route that I knew really really well. DH drove us everywhere else. Then I added in a few trips like the supermarket. Realistically it took about 3 years before I could just get in the car and go. I'm a safe driver and I've never, touch wood, had or caused an accident. I just knew my limits at the time and took it slow. I've been driving for 10 years now.

Have lessons with an instructor in your own car

It isn’t that uncommon (my ex husband is a driving instructor)

I felt like this, OP.

It took me so long to learn it was embrassing. I then never got in a driver seat again for 10 years. I was eventually given a car to drive and would really have to steel myself to go out in it

What really helped:

• someone taking me onto a RAF station at the weekend to practice. Lots of space and nothing to hit. Whilst you might not have a station to practice in, is there anywhere really quiet such as an empty car park - even f you have to get up early to get there? Can someone else drive you and your car there so you don't have to?

• practice. It's shit but the more I drove the easer it got. 13 odd years later and I have driven ina few other counties and regularly drive all over the UK without any fear whatsoever. In a couple of weeks I'll be making the drive from the midlands to the Cairngorms alone and am looking forward to it.

Does it help to start very small? Just one goal for the day: getting in the car, reversing it off the drive and then pulling back onto the drive again. Repeat until this is no longer scary.

Then have a goal of pulling off the drive and to the end of the street and back or in a little circle of streets. Repeat until it's easy. Then go the opposite way round.

Then stretch the goal a little bit.

No pressure. It doesn't matter if it takes you another year to be comfortable with 10 min journeys, so long as you're progressing.

I was pretty nervous out on the road aline and actually pretty dangerous when I first passed my test. I am a year in now and feel much more confident and that has come with just getting in with it.

Can your DP go out with you for a few drives and let you practice?

I was like this.
One eve I just got in the car and thought. Right drive.. Anywhere just drive.! Drive to asda Park up. Drive elsewhere park up.
I drive for 3 hours.. Even on the motorway. As it was night and quiet.
Within 3 months I ended up getting a bigger car which I never thought I would.
Maybe just go on own one eve and drive around x

What manoevres make you nervous?

If bay parking - park at the back of any car park and don’t reverse in.

Parallel parking is only needed if you regularly go to streets with limited road parking and may need to park between two cars. I used to live in a victorian terrace for decades and never needed to use it.

Reverse around the corner isn’t actually considered safe any more.

3 point turn - do it slowly bit by bit and you cannot go wrong.

Thanks soydora
I dont know either. That's why I'm.posting

Op I have been through what you describe. I'm not a natural driver and even after years of driving I still suck at parking (I am one of those people that white van men laugh at when I try and manovre).

It does get better with practice. I'm now fine at driving and with parking I just allow extra time (compared to other people) to park, either because I've got to find somewhere further away to oark or because I need to find a big enough space to park in. It's fine the vast majority of the time.

I don't think it's an intelligence thing, I think I might be very mildly dyspraxic as I just seems to lack spatial awareness.

Thanks to everyone else for supportive comments and advice

OP I felt the same until I had to drive every day to work. It's surprising how quickly my confidence built up, but I don't miss driving since selling my car either. Is there anyone you can go out driving with? Try some familiar routes and get more comfortable? You are capable otherwise you wouldn't have passed, but I completely get what you mean. In honesty if you try pushing yourself and it doesn't work, you don't have to drive, it's a worthwhile skill you might want to use in the future.

You don’t have to drive.
Sell the car and stick to busses if you are happier doing that. It’s not worth having sleepless nights over.

Could you perhaps have a few little short runs in your car with your partner for a while,and see how you feel about trying to allay being anxious all the time.An automatic transmission,and power steering will make driving easier.

It's sometimes mind over matter and confronting a fear that you have that maybe work for you.

I don't think having a refresher course is the answer though, as you passed your driving test and the theory test,so it's basically just trying to build up your confidence now, for driving alone.
I hope you can do it eventually, good luck.

I meant doesn't work as in you still don't enjoy it, it's okay not to drive.

Get someone in the car with you that knows how to drive, I passed my test feb 2018 the next time I stepped in a car was June 2019!! A week after having someone with me I was confident enough to drive around on my own... I had the same fear!! It will pass

Practice! I remember when I got my first car I used to avoid driving in rush hour and would park miles away so I had an 'easy' space.

Now I drive a huge car with several screaming children in the back and I could reverse a maze in rush hour to park.

It's like anything, practice makes, if not perfect, slightly less terrifying.

You need to start driving, even if only around the block and build up confidence driving solo. Go to safe places where you know there is easy parking such as a friends house, for example. It is hard going alone at first but worth it in long term.