To wish I'd never learned to drive

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Took me ages to learn to drive. Not a natural learner and mostly hated it.
Forced myself to Do it as although I don't actually need to drive as live in a big city, I also wanted to be able to take the dc on holiday etc.
Passed recently and first time. Initially quite excited at the prospect but that has worn off.
Had a bit of surprise cash to buy a car which I did but i havent driven it!!

I cannot face it. I feel like a fraud for passing. I have no clue.
It's not even the actual driving as such
I do not feel able to 'go anywhere ' or park up as I feel like I won t be able to manoeuvre the car into a space. (Even in a big car park).
Whilst i was learning i relied heavily on my instructor to guide me as to what to do, even to the extent that he would be basically be telling me which way to steer and how much. I will not be able to just set off and go to the shops. Everywhere is busy where I live too. Not really any quiet areas.
I honestly do not know what to do for the best.
I can't bring myself to go out and be in a potential situation that i can't handle.
My dp is supportive but I feel total humiliation at him having to even drive the car into a setting off position but I start. Which.is what he did the day I bought it. I drove to the top of.the road.
It's giving me so much anxiety that I'm waking up at night.
I was happy before I learned! So I'm upset that I'm now feeling like this.I'm.just not cut out for it am I?

Plus if you don’t feel ready to drive you don’t have too, at least you have your license if you ever feel ready! X

After my test I had a couple of two hour sessions with my driving instructor in my own car which helped a lot.

That being said the first time I drove on my own I was fairly petrified and kept thinking 'how can this be legal'?

And I'm quite a confident person!

Just practice, practice, practice.

At first you might just spend one morning just driving in a circle around the block.

Then choose somewhere slightly further and do that a few times and continue to build it up.

Otherwise you can do what I did and throw yourself in at the deep end as I made myself drive to another local, very busy city about two weeks after I passed. Then after 4 weeks made myself drive to my parents and back 150 miles away!
The whole thing was horrifying but as long as you take things slowly and take deep breaths it will be fine!

Take yourself out on errands where it doesn't matter if you can't get parked. If you bottle parking you can just come back and it's been another practice run.

Oh...and after the first couple of drives were out of the way I felt better without an instructor as there's no-one there watching and commenting on your every move!

Do remember to get green P stickers so people know you are a new driver.

I learned many years ago but still remember that feeling of fear.

I got up early on Sundays for a few weeks and drove to a supermarket carpark and an industrial estate and practised there. It was easier then, admittedly, as there wasn't so much traffic.

Then I had another lesson with my driving instructor just to iron out a few things and give me confidence that I was doing ok.

The first time I made a journey that involved a toll bridge I was absolutely sweating with fear in case I didn't manage to stop at the right spot to hand over my money, but I did it, and it got better after that.

Good luck!

To the poster who said do an easy drive all left turns etc
Simple route
Yes I could but I'm even anxious about.that in case of some situation(dont know what!).

I feel like I could do with going to a massive empty car park but there isn't one. Plenty of big shopping car parks but not empty as I live in such a built up area. I'd have to drive to a quiet place lol.
I would 100%only consider parking far away anyway. Not squeezing into spaces or parallel parking
No chance.

Dh could come and he would, but I Cant face this either. Feel like some incompetent fool..other peiple dont do this. I see young women driving round in 7 seaters confident anything.
Also.to the poster who said if public transport ok etc then forget the driving. I think this is it and how u feel.
It's ironic that I wanted to drive
For freedom when I've now got less! I can't drive at all ,or if I do I will be limited.
I think.id rather never drive then only be able to do familiar routes. Waste of a car as I can get to familiar places on foot or train or bus!!

Not in a rude way but how did you pass your test? The instructor wouldn't have guided you on your test and you passed. You're probably more competent than you think.

I was like this. You just have to push yourself and do short frequent trips.
I drive all over now even abroad.

Ha ha lavendar
I know. It's true.its embarrassing.

I was never completely s ure about lessons and now I know why

I can force myself to do it
And I did when I drive up the road(hated it). But I don't want anxiety in my life. I don't want to go out sweating and flustered or think about potential journies the day before. What kind of life is that?

I was.like this when I first got a car. I'd keep walking places because I was too stressed driving it!! Truth is you need practice. Keep going out in it for short spins to get a feel for it.

Why not do your pass plus? Therefore some driving experience, I’m not sure if you can do this in your own car or an instructors?

I was incredibly nervous when I passed my test and like you panicked about having to park. Just remember to take your time and maybe go out when it’s quiet so you can get some confidence.

pixie
I dont know
My intructor was great. Really pushed me
But I really felt.like I needed talking through every manoeuvre as I literally could not remember how to steer or which direction every time.
I passed my test with 4 minors.
If I was in a car park now I actually seriously cpuld not navigate into a space with out going over and over in my head and even then I'd struggle.

And there are no quiet places or times by me

The local supermarket is as busy on Sunday as a Saturday. In fact,there are queues to get in!!
I can't drive at night as no practice in this either. I'm like the world's biggest dummy.
Think it would be a relief to hang up my gloves(or my keys) and admit defeat. Then I can move on.

Honestly, I felt exactly the same when I got my first car. I didn't even drive it home from the garage, I got my dad to it! When it came to actually getting in it and driving it myself, I was terrified. To be honest, it took me about 4 weeks of driving before I stopped convincing myself that I was probably going to cause an accident every time I went out on the road.

You've passed for a reason. The examiner clearly thought you were a safe driver. Just keep going out in the evenings and other quiet times until you gain confidence. Go further and further each time. You'll be fine in no time!

Do an advanced driver's test, or just find someone you trust to go out with you .

Personally I would drive the car till I felt better about it and if I still didn't want it just sell it - just because you have a skill doesn't mean you have to use it. You are putting alot of pressure on yourself here

You just haven’t had anything like enough lessons or experience that’s all. More lessons. Practice driving with your DP.

I was so nervous. I passed at 17 but didn't drive until I was about 25. When I did drive I was so nervous I felt sick and my legs were shaking so much I sometimes had to pull over. Honestly I worked myself up in to a right state even thinking about the car.

Things that helped me over the course of a few years:

• Refresher lesson, but I hadn't driven in years. I had a 3hr lesson which really did help and we did routes I wanted to be able to drive.
• DH insisting I drove between motorway service stations on longer journeys. I eventually built up to driving half way, but we started really small. DH was a great passenger which really helped too.
• Forcing myself out in the car by asking for things on Freecycle or Gumtree, or joining groups that required driving.

Eventually I ended up with a job where I had to drive to/from work as DD needed dropping at the childminder so I couldn't catch the bus anymore. That was the turning point really. Regular driving and a familiar route.

Now, 20+ years on I'm so pleased I worked at conquering my fear of driving. I've just returned to work after being at home and I was able to apply to jobs all across our city. Plus DH has recently been diagnosed with a chronic condition and when he has a flair up he can't drive. Me, being confident to drive, has enabled us to get home from weekends away.

I can't drive at night as no practice in this either.

The only practice is to do it repeatedly then you will have had practice.

Get some rescue remedy, it might just be a placebo but it helped me when I was really nervous.

I think it’s the brandy.

I agree with the others, you have to practice. Go to an empty parking lot. I learned when I was 16, and both my boys learned at 16, and that's where we all learned. A church during the week is a good bet.

I'm not sure I understand this:

I literally could not remember how to steer or which direction every time.

If you want to go left, you steer left. If you want to go right, you steer right. If you're having trouble with that, I really think it must be nerves.

As well as extra lessons, another thing you might like to try is timing your driving for when there's less traffic about - going out at sunrise on a Sat/Sun morning there should be very little traffic around. If you're happy enough driving in the dark, late evening/middle of the night is a good time to drive (providing you're awake enough).

I never do proper reverse parallel parking or reversing into parking spaces - much easier for me to drive into a space and reverse out and to find somewhere to park that doesn't require reverse parallel parking.

No wonder women have a bad rep for driving with some of these responses🤭

Oh and I would only drive a small car for ages. Please don't worry about what other people are driving.

Maybe sell the car for now. If you're in a busy city with great public transport, then it might not be necessary. You have your license now, so if you need to drive in the future, you can buy a car and tackle your fear then. As I posted above, driving to/from work is what really cured me, I had to do it 5 days a week, rain or shine, even in the snow. Nothing beats having to do something in order to tackle it.

Don't give up 💐

You CAN do this. Please remember how well you did to handle the pressure of the test and pass. Don't let the anxiety win- I totally get you saying you don't want the anxiety and stress but don't lose something that you clearly worked hard to gain, there is an answer to making this better.

Really you just need to practice lots, as so what if you need someone with you? If it gets you more comfortable, do it. Have more lessons, find someone who is used to nervous drivers.

I'm a nervous learner driver and am determined to do it this time round. Keep going- there is definitely a solution to this.