Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What makes a good wife

79 replies

Obviouslyclueless · 27/10/2019 15:11

Dh and I have been married for 9 years, together about 15. 2 small dc. Great relationship until recently, or so I thought

In an arguement last night, DH accused me of a being a bad wife. Apparently I don't pay him enough attention, don't compliment him enough, don't do enough around the house, am boring in the bedroom. He went on for a while about everything I don't do. (Should point out he was drunk and had been out at the football yesterday and sunk about 10 pints during the course of the day followed by a few shots of something)

When pointed out everything that I do - majority of nursery/school runs for DC, majority of housework (despite him working shifts and having far more time off than me) house admin, life admin, etc he accused me of not listening to him or taking his needs seriously.

Today he got up and has gone to play golf, haven'tvheard from him all day, he will probably go to the pub after and I'm sat here wondering where it all went wrong!

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 27/10/2019 15:12

You know that’s the wrong question, don’t you?

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 27/10/2019 15:13

What makes a good wife

A good husband🤷

gwackywacky · 27/10/2019 15:13

So he shits all over you, gets drunk and mardy and plays golf. Leave him

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 27/10/2019 15:13

And vice versa btw!

Sparrowlegs248 · 27/10/2019 15:13

Dunno. If you find out, let me know.

ChrisPrattsFace · 27/10/2019 15:15

A good wife kicks the DH out when he lists everything they do wrong. He sounds like a prick, drunk or not.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 27/10/2019 15:21

If he was a good husband, you’d be a good wife. That should be your discussion.

What does he actually want? A servant??

BrexitThroughTheGiftShop · 27/10/2019 15:21

The problem with your question is that it carries an unspoken assumption that there is a product that is a good wife like saying what makes a good car.

People aren't products. A good wife is one that is a good match for her spouse. Just as a good husband is one that is a good match for his spouse.

People have different needs.

I can tell you though that someone who is tell you that you are not a good wife, is not a good husband.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 27/10/2019 15:25

I just try for good enough ;-)

Seriously he is a dick. And would be getting a serious talk after what he has said.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/10/2019 15:36

In vino veritas, my dear.

His idea of a 'good wife' sounds more like 'good mummy' to me (excluding the bedroom bits of course).

He wants you to pander to his every need, have none of your own, and stroke his ego. Is that what you want for the rest of your life?

BeatriceTheBeast · 27/10/2019 15:38

He is a bellend. Seriously, what a total helmet.

Flowers
ErrolTheDragon · 27/10/2019 15:42

Someone who is distinguishable from a doormat?

AdaColeman · 27/10/2019 15:47

Ask yourself if he is a good husband.

In future don't waste your breath on trying to argue or reason with someone drunk.

NearlyGranny · 27/10/2019 15:54

Yeah, make him a job description list of what a good husband does and invite him to re-apply.

AmIThough · 27/10/2019 15:57

I think he's living in a different century to the rest of us.

He's a shit husband by the sounds of things.

Presumably you're also doing all of the childcare while he's out getting drunk and generally being a twat?

Confusedbeetle · 27/10/2019 16:00

what makes a good wife is exactly the same as what makes a good husband. Have a look at his check list and see how many he can tick off. Dont let him use the excuse of a bread winner is enough. Mutual respect, equality, consideration, affection, compromise. Oh and never ever critisise a spouse's sexual performance ( or driving)

TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 16:01

In future don't waste your breath on trying to argue or reason with someone drunk.

I second that.

Although people generally say what is really bothering them when they're drunk.

Would couples counselling be a possibility for the two of you? I have to say that your husband doesn't sound like much of a catch.

TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 16:03

Sorry - my previous comment reads as though I agree with what he said.

I do not. He may be thinking it and saying it but it isn't actually true.

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/10/2019 16:05

So he’s a shit dh by the sound of it.

Ponoka7 · 27/10/2019 16:05

This sounds very similar to every man that has started thinking that the grass is greener.

Has one of his friends suddenly got a younger GF? Or has he got a new, admirer?

They have their flings, the wife ends it and they then realise they've thrown away the best deal they ever had.

Don't put up with this verbal and emotional abuse.

Ask him what makes a good parent and why he hasn't lived upto that part this weekend.

Chucklecheeks1 · 27/10/2019 16:07

Id be asking myself who he was comparing me to?

wtfAreYouOnAbout · 27/10/2019 16:20

Compile a list of everything that makes him a shit husband 🤷🏻‍♀️

YolandaN · 27/10/2019 16:31

so you’ve been together 15 years and you are both having communication and expectation problems, believe me this isn’t unusual. Only you will know if your partnership is worth saving/fighting for. He’s listed a load of unreasonable grievances onto you whilst inebriated and caught you off guard. You need to respond firmly if you want to salvage your relationship. You could show him what he’s missing by just removing yourself from the situation and letting him fend for himself, making him appreciate you more, you could go and get some counselling, a mediator could help you sort through issues.

Summercamping · 27/10/2019 16:32

🌸
For you op. It's not every day you realise your husband is a prick and not on your side, it's horrible

He has opened a big can of mess and now he needs to own it. If he's unhappy, there are much better ways to go about addressing that, he's been an arse.

I think counselling is a good idea. If he won't go, I still think you should, to sort out your thoughts. Strength to you.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/10/2019 16:38

What a prince! I can't imagine why you might not want regular adventurous sex with an adonis like that.

I would say a good wife is one who is an equal partner in every sense, who loves and respects you, who is reliable in times of trouble and who your enjoy the company of more than anyone else.

Same thing is say makes a good husband (your dh clearly wouldn't pass muster).

Swipe left for the next trending thread