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Original poster

What makes a good wife

79 replies

Obviouslyclueless · 27/10/2019 15:11

Dh and I have been married for 9 years, together about 15. 2 small dc. Great relationship until recently, or so I thought

In an arguement last night, DH accused me of a being a bad wife. Apparently I don't pay him enough attention, don't compliment him enough, don't do enough around the house, am boring in the bedroom. He went on for a while about everything I don't do. (Should point out he was drunk and had been out at the football yesterday and sunk about 10 pints during the course of the day followed by a few shots of something)

When pointed out everything that I do - majority of nursery/school runs for DC, majority of housework (despite him working shifts and having far more time off than me) house admin, life admin, etc he accused me of not listening to him or taking his needs seriously.

Today he got up and has gone to play golf, haven'tvheard from him all day, he will probably go to the pub after and I'm sat here wondering where it all went wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
Obviouslyclueless · 27/10/2019 16:39

We tried counselling last year and it helped for a while. I made what I think were some big changes, like staying up later with dh instead of going to bed after DC had (means I am constantly shattered as I am usually up at 5am, work all day but dh, when on days doesn't like going to bed before 11)

I have recently moved jobs, which means more responsibility at work and slightly longer hours, al of which dh means about especially if I am not back for dinner when he is on days. but he is not moaning about the additional income I bring in from the new role.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 27/10/2019 16:40

He means 'servant and concubine' not wife.

'A good husband' is the only answer.

Witchinaditch · 27/10/2019 16:43

One not married to a lazy alcoholic

lazylinguist · 27/10/2019 16:43

The question should be 'What makes a good spouse/partner?',unless your husband thinks that wives should have a different and longer list of necessary attributes/tasks than husbands do (I bet he does think that). He's clearly an arse.

musicposy · 27/10/2019 16:44

I don't pay him enough attention, don't compliment him enough, don't do enough around the house, am boring in the bedroom.

OK, lets turn this on its head.

Does he pay you enough attention? (Not buggering off to golf and the pub all day, for starters)

Does he compliment you enough?

Does he do enough round the house? I include child care in that. Going off to football and getting outside of ten pints might suggest not, unless you get equal opportunities to let your hair down similarly.

Is he exciting in the bedroom, making sure it's great for you and not all about him?

As PP have said, to be a good wife you need a good husband. I'd start there. It seems to me what he really meant was "I wanted a replacement mother/ housekeeper/ sex slave all rolled into one and I seem to have found myself with a wife."

Sewrainbow · 27/10/2019 16:44

Perhaps it is time to point all his failings in the husband department?

lottiegarbanzo · 27/10/2019 16:47

What changes did he make?

Why does he want you to suffer chronic sleep deprivation?

Why can't he eat dinner later with you, or sit and chat while you eat yours, or just chat later over a drink if you have to eat at work? If it's your company he's missing, there are so many easy adaptations.

thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2019 16:48

He's a dick and doesn't deserve a wife, let alone a good one. Leave him and find someone who does. Or just be on your own. Anything would be better than that.

Pharlapwasthebest · 27/10/2019 16:49

Didn’t even read your post, the title was enough to give me massive rage.
You are who you are, if he doesn’t like it/you then is he right for you?

Shoutymomma · 27/10/2019 16:51

A good wife demands parity. Leave him a message letting know your plans to be out all day, both days, next weekend and that you will be pissed and obnoxious when you get home. He is a penis.

quincejamplease · 27/10/2019 16:53

What changes did he make?

Mylittlepony374 · 27/10/2019 16:58

I'm sorry your husband is a prick who seems to be stuck in the 1950s.
It seems -based on the information you've given, which I realise is only a snapshot-like it doesn't matter what you do you will never be a good enough wife.
Maybe think through your options.

mrpickwick · 27/10/2019 17:06

So your husband has spent the whole weekend out of the house doing sport and drinking and you're a bad wife?
I'd be booking myself a weekend away and leaving him to care for the children and clean the house.
What's sauce for the goose!

Pumpkintopf · 27/10/2019 17:13

And you are still with him why..?

SilverySurfer · 27/10/2019 17:20

Is there anything positive about being married to this useless, arrogant arsehole?

summersherewishiwasnt · 27/10/2019 17:29

A good husband makes a good wife.
What a cuntish load of bullshit
Tell him to go look for dream wife. Arsehole.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 27/10/2019 17:30

So he goes to the football half the weekend and golf the other half but you're not doing enough and you should be nicer to him as well?

You have married a selfish twat

GetOffTheTableMabel · 27/10/2019 17:35

What an absolute gobshite! How does he make YOUR life better daily? (NB - not your children’s lives, YOUR life?)
If the answer is that he doesn’t then please don’t waste too much time mounting a one-woman rescue mission for this marriage.

Original poster
Obviouslyclueless · 27/10/2019 17:37

He rarely compliments me. In fact the other day I had an important meeting, which involved a lot of travel and was critical to my job so I purposefully went out and brought a new dress (only from Prinark but looked lovely- so I thought) didn't see dh in the morning as I was up at 3am for a flight. When I got home he told me my dress looked like a 80's curtain

I don't mind him being out 1 day of the weekend or even both, but it means as I do everything for DC then they very much become attached to me, and the he wonders why they always want me when something is wrong and he blames me for turning them against him!

OP posts:
MrsMcCaveHad23Sons · 27/10/2019 17:47

He sounds like he is being deliberately mean and nasty. All long term relationships, especially those with children, goes through ups and downs but it doesn't sound like there's much up for you. Only you can decide if it's worth it.

namechange122222 · 27/10/2019 17:48

He was at the football and pub all day Saturday and golf and pub all day Sunday and he thinks you’re a bad spouse Hmm?

I wouldn’t waste any time giving his words any weight or thought, and instead would be asking him what he really wants and if it isn’t you, and to show you some kindness, could he tell you now rather than later so that you don’t waste the next I don’t know how many years of your life trying to be good enough for an arse.

DianneWhatcock · 27/10/2019 17:52

As pp have said a good husband makes a good wife

He is a FUCKING SHIT one

All that AND leaving you with the kids while he fucks off and does what he pleases

I'd change the locks tbh

DianneWhatcock · 27/10/2019 17:53

And saying you are "boring in bed"

He is probably the one who is SHIT in bed 😂😂

Countryescape · 27/10/2019 17:54

And what changes did he make for te relationship to work OP? Let me guess..,,,probably none. He sounds like an absolute arsehole. I’d be turning to him and telling him everything he does badly then flounce out the door to the shops for 6 hours. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

RopeBrick · 27/10/2019 18:00

Leave him, OP