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Original poster

What makes a good wife

79 replies

Obviouslyclueless · 27/10/2019 15:11

Dh and I have been married for 9 years, together about 15. 2 small dc. Great relationship until recently, or so I thought

In an arguement last night, DH accused me of a being a bad wife. Apparently I don't pay him enough attention, don't compliment him enough, don't do enough around the house, am boring in the bedroom. He went on for a while about everything I don't do. (Should point out he was drunk and had been out at the football yesterday and sunk about 10 pints during the course of the day followed by a few shots of something)

When pointed out everything that I do - majority of nursery/school runs for DC, majority of housework (despite him working shifts and having far more time off than me) house admin, life admin, etc he accused me of not listening to him or taking his needs seriously.

Today he got up and has gone to play golf, haven'tvheard from him all day, he will probably go to the pub after and I'm sat here wondering where it all went wrong!

OP posts:
ILiveInSalemsLot · 27/10/2019 18:29

He seems to have an issue with you working. Are you doing better career wise than he is? (Not that should be an issue but I’m wondering if it is for him)

MitziK · 27/10/2019 18:37

'You're shit in bed'

'I'm your wife, not a fucking miracle worker. I'd find it easier to raise the dead than your cock after ten pints and a bunch of shots'

Bitchy retorts aside (keep them in your head), I would imagine he's trying to deflect away from alcoholic binge related sexual dysfunction.

It's not you, it's him.

WizardOfAus · 27/10/2019 19:07

I’m really sorry, but the more you write, the more exasperated I become. This man sounds awful. Please get rid of him!

Original poster
Obviouslyclueless · 27/10/2019 19:11

The more I am writing things down the more angry I feel so its helping. This morning I was upset and willing to do anything I could to change, now I'm angry.

In response to the questions about work, I fo now earn more than him, my career is going well where as his has been the same for the last 5 years. He has been asked to gi for higher roles but he isn't interested and wants the esdy option as his current shift pattern means he gets 2 weeks off every 2 months.

He has also decided to go to the pub all evening tonight and has informed me he won't be back for bedtime tonight...again!

OP posts:
DrVonPatak · 27/10/2019 19:14

You're not a bad wife, just a wife with a bad husband.

VivienScott · 27/10/2019 19:14

My ex said all this to me, then he cheated on me. Now he says all this about the woman he left me for (to mutual friends).
In my experience, once it gets to that point, he’s emotionally left the relationship anyway. No one yells at someone they care about that they are boring in bed. It’s a horribly hurtful thing to say.

Topttumps · 27/10/2019 19:19

A good husband.

This

Phineyj · 27/10/2019 19:57

Urgh, what a question. I have regular rows with my DH about him not pulling his weight but I'm afraid compared to what you describe he's coming off well. He'd never keep me up late for selfish reasons and I wouldn't him either! I bet your dress was lovely Flowers.

Moneyplants · 27/10/2019 20:02

Forget what he said after 10 pints, I bet he has. As for a good husband i would say one who doesn't drink 10 pints then havens go at his wife.

PennyNotSoWise · 27/10/2019 20:09

With everything he said that you put in your OP and this- When I got home he told me my dress looked like a 80's curtain, it sounds like he's deliberately trying to knock you down a peg or two.

You're doing well at work, seems like he feels threatened, the fucking baby, and is trying to make you feel worthless.

You're not a bad wife, he's a bad husband.

letsdolunch321 · 27/10/2019 20:13

After copious amounts of alcohol, I doubt he is a delight in the bedroom.

Your dh sounds very much like my exh - it was all about his needs !!!

No thought goes into who is looking after the dc's while he fucks off doing his thing for the weekend - he is one selfish bastard.

AnyFucker · 27/10/2019 20:14

He is fucking around or wants to.

I would wager my house on it

notforonesecond · 27/10/2019 20:31

Forget bedtime, I’d be telling him not to bother coming back at all if I were you.

You can’t possibly believe you don’t deserve better than this.

Downwiththatsortofthing252 · 27/10/2019 21:00

You can practically feel the jealousy wafting from that comment about the dress. He resents you doing well at work, and he had the argument with you last night so that he could have the excuse to go out all day today and have it be your fault. He knew he wanted to go golfing/drinking but knew it was selfish going out two days in a row.

Men like this never do wrong, their wives are always wrong.

thenewname · 27/10/2019 21:04

He sounds absolutely atrocious I really feel for you! You have been on your own with DC all weekend while he pisses about and gets pissed and YOU’RE the bad spouse?

Quartz2208 · 27/10/2019 21:08

Having a good husband and being s partnership

He wants to put you down. It’s over

MaybeitsMaybelline · 27/10/2019 21:11

Did you point out all the things a good husband does that he doesn’t, and all the shit things a poor husband does that he is guilty of?

AFairlyHardAvocado · 27/10/2019 21:17

When it gets to the stage someone is deliberately trying to make you feel shit rather than celebrating your successes, it's over in my opinion.

What a horrible man, poor you.

EKGEMS · 27/10/2019 21:24

I've never met him but I want to kick his ass until hell won't have it!

Accountant222 · 27/10/2019 21:49

I always think the stuff that gets said while drunk, is what they really think but daren't say whilst sober

WagtailRobin · 27/10/2019 22:44

Everything that makes a good wife is the same things that make a good husband!

Cantrememberpassword · 27/10/2019 22:47

A good wife is one who does not object to being chained to the kitchen sink.

NearlyGranny · 27/10/2019 22:55

Feeling threatened by your success and resentful of the time you're investing in your career. Classic male insecurity around a successful woman.

Have you read Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In?

romany4 · 28/10/2019 12:24

And he is saying you're not a good wife? And treating you like this?

He's a cunt. Get rid of him. He sounds awful

SilverySurfer · 28/10/2019 13:11

OP, please don't take on board any of his criticisms - don't allow him to make you less than you are, an obviously successful and capable woman who doesn't need someone like him in your life. You didn't answer the question in my last post - can you name one thing that's positive or good that makes you stay with him. You may think you love him but you love the man he used to be and he obviously doesn't love or respect you.

You may not be ready to kick his arse out the door but I hope that doesn't stop you planning how you will do it in your own good time.