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Original poster

Feeling Stupid - Contacted First Boyfriend

102 replies

PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 06:56

1997 - Holiday romance, lasted a year. Long distance, lots of letters and phone calls. No internet or mobiles back then. Slowly fizzled out.

1999 - Met my husband.

Very short dating history for me!

Often thought of my first boyfriend. How he did at uni, how his family was, what he did with his life etc. Not in a pining was, just curious.

So sent him a Facebook message, just a hello, remember me, hope you are well etc. 😀 Got a right mouthful back, asking if I was a bored housewife with nothing else to do. Was I bored of life, my kids to get in touch. ☹️ Now I feel like a right d**k.

OP posts:
darkcloudsandrainstorms · 27/10/2019 17:25

I think that was from his wife.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 17:35

No, haven't seen DH all day.

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 27/10/2019 18:21

As I said, I wouldn't be rude to them if they messaged, but I'd be baffled to why they'd suddenly want to catch up. If you want to see what's going on, a quick look on my Instagram will tell you all you need to know.

My exes weren't just my boyfriends they were also my friends, and I spent a alot of time with them and their families and we shared our dreams of how we wanted our lives to go.

Therefore it's perfectly natural to me that if I stumbled across them on fb that I would sent a friend request and ask them how life has treated them since I last saw them.

My 3 exes who I've messaged like this have all answered, telling me what happened to their parents and their siblings and explaining how they ended up living in Aus for example. A couple of messages back and forth and then that's it, maybe the occasional like on fb.

I wouldnt message the fella I had a summer fling with when I was 25 or the arsehole who I had to change jobs because of but if it was a meaningful relationship then why would I stop caring just because it didn't work out romantically.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 20:46

DH thought it was an odd thing to do but didn't actually care. He said the response was mean and he should have just deleted it if he didn't have anything nice to say.

OP posts:
MirkwoodMiss · 28/10/2019 13:04

His reponse puzzles me, sounds like he's hurting or resentful for some reason. Could it be that it didn't fizzle out for him? Maybe he was waiting for correspondence that got lost and he assumed he was dumped?

FelicityFeather · 28/10/2019 13:12

I despair of this place.

A man can't be rude then? Simply HAS to be a mental woman doing the replying?

Some of you really need to check yourselves

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 28/10/2019 13:20

I thought the same Mirk, maybe it didn't fizzle out as I remember.

OP posts:
TinDogTavern · 28/10/2019 15:14

Well said @FelicityFeather

CatsOnCatnip · 28/10/2019 15:53

What a FREAK! I had this once with an old friend from my teen years, she was very put out I had got in touch, really went to town on how she “really didn’t understand why I was contacting her!?!?”. I thought it would be a nice catch up, we’d never fallen out or anything. People are odd.

WhatsInAName19 · 28/10/2019 16:53

A man can't be rude then? Simply HAS to be a mental woman doing the replying?

Normally I'd totally agree, but I think in this case it's more that it's just such a random response from the bloke. Why would he be angry to receive such an innocuous message? What would his reason be for being such an arsehole? Whereas it's not a stretch to imagine that his partner (if he has one) would be upset to discover a message from an ex.

LauraMacArthur · 28/10/2019 16:59

Yes probably wife! I don't agree it's weird to message him - people get in touch with old friends all the time - what's the problem?

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 28/10/2019 17:09

Exactly Cats!

I only wanted a short catch up. He was in a band, did they make it big? Did he travel? Remember when we went to the concert and saw this band? Nothing exciting, just curious.

No affair, no 'if only' thoughts, just wondering!

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 28/10/2019 17:12

My original message was very brief, just saying hi, remember me, hope you are well and everything is good.

All very above board and floaty. 😔

OP posts:
CatsOnCatnip · 28/10/2019 18:48

It’s a bit of a shook. But hey! You’ve got your husband, that guys a dick! Sleep easy, he’s clearly got issues.

CatsOnCatnip · 28/10/2019 18:48

*shock

Hecateh · 28/10/2019 19:20

I was on an occasional visit to my home town (I only live in the next town along). In a pub with an old school friend who was still in the same area. Got talking to someone I vaguely remembered from junior school (early 60s) and mentioned a guy who used to be my 'boyfriend'. The friend I was talking to said - 'Can you see that guy through the window' (condensation) 'Err Yeeeessssss!!!'. 'That's him.'

Fucking Hell - my boyfriend at 6 years old was 10 yards away. I went out to talk to him. We arranged to meet for a chat/catch up.

He was an alcoholic, a heavy smoker and looked a bit rough but it was kind of a fun evening with lots to talk about as to where I lives had gone. I think I found out more about him than vice versa though as he was very chatty.

He then wanted us to go into a full blown relationship, calling me darling and sweetheart and that is was fate that we got back together. Wasn't very happy when I said no.

I find it amusing now but was a bit sad to lose the nostalgic dream of this little chap that melted my heart all those years ago.

Iflyaway · 28/10/2019 19:26

Nasty fucker..

I would have replied along the lines of "Well thank fuck I didn't end up with you then!"

And thank your lucky stars.

Iflyaway · 28/10/2019 19:29

Whereas it's not a stretch to imagine that his partner (if he has one) would be upset to discover a message from an ex.

Tells you all you need to know about their relationship.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 28/10/2019 19:40

When exs get back in touch after years of zero contact I just assume that they are bored/drunk/recently split up/feeling a bit low etc. I would not be rude to them but I would be very suspicious of why they got in touch. Plus, if I was the OPs DH I would be a bit miffed my wife was seeking out old flames for a chat.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 28/10/2019 19:42

Why be upset though? An ex from 20 years ago saying hello is a reason to be upset?

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 28/10/2019 19:44

DH was fine with it. I am one of those people who thinks about thinks alot. He isn't! Just goes about his day then moves into the next day.

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 28/10/2019 19:45

Should say I think about things alot. Like, what is we had bought that house etc.

OP posts:
Groovinpeanut · 28/10/2019 19:46

He sounds like a right charmer Grin
I have had to chuckle at the fact you sent a chatty and curious Facebook message, and you've now got people analysing and questioning your marriage. Shock bizarre Grin
You did the right thing OK, mark him up as an idiot and block him.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 28/10/2019 19:47

Marriage is fine thank you everyone. 20 years together and still going well. 😀

OP posts:
Muckycat · 28/10/2019 19:51

Wow! Even if he felt he had been ghosted or unceremoniously dumped 20 years ago, surely the proportionate response all these years later would be to ignore and possibly block you if he didn't feel like talking.

It's a lot of vitriol for an adult, I wonder whether it's an adolescent DC seeing the message first and thinking they're being oh-so- cutting and hilarious.