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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling Stupid - Contacted First Boyfriend

102 replies

PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 06:56

1997 - Holiday romance, lasted a year. Long distance, lots of letters and phone calls. No internet or mobiles back then. Slowly fizzled out.

1999 - Met my husband.

Very short dating history for me!

Often thought of my first boyfriend. How he did at uni, how his family was, what he did with his life etc. Not in a pining was, just curious.

So sent him a Facebook message, just a hello, remember me, hope you are well etc. 😀 Got a right mouthful back, asking if I was a bored housewife with nothing else to do. Was I bored of life, my kids to get in touch. ☹️ Now I feel like a right d**k.

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 07:55

Yes, maybe it is random timing. 🤔 I don't really know why I did it at this moment in time.

OP posts:
Miniloso · 27/10/2019 07:59

There’s no need for anyone to talk to someone else like that, especially when you once had a connection. I think it was the wife. Don’t dwell on it for a moment longer OP. Not everyone in this world has manners or is in a healthy place.

Dieu · 27/10/2019 08:00

Hi OP. In a way, it's a good thing this happened. Sometimes nostalgia can be a block to future happiness, and by being a dick, you're not going to waste any more time thinking about him!

Iamnotagoddess · 27/10/2019 08:02

That sounds like a female response.

Dollymixture22 · 27/10/2019 08:04

What an immature prick.

I occasionally bump into my first boyfriend. Was very intense, food year relationship. He always gives me a big hug, and we have a quick catch up.

Your ex is either a moron, or his partner is.

As others have said, lucky escape.

Applesanbananas · 27/10/2019 08:04

I also think that it was the wife that responded.lucky escape indeed

BeverlyGoldbergsHairAndJumpers · 27/10/2019 08:06

Defo his wife. I bet he will try and contact you back when she’s not there. And realise he’s blocked Grin

k1233 · 27/10/2019 08:21

I got an out of the blue FB friend request from a guy whose brother I used to date. He was about 3 yo at the time and I said I was surprised he remembered me. Turns out his mum still talks about me 20 years later LOL I actually liked hearing from him and catching up.

Duchessgummybuns · 27/10/2019 08:24

If I received a message from someone I briefly dated years ago out of the blue I’d be giving it serious side eye...

But also I would have just blocked and moved on.

AppropriateAdult · 27/10/2019 08:29

If I received a message from someone I briefly dated years ago out of the blue I’d be giving it serious side eye...

Why? Surely we all get a bit curious about people who once meant a lot to us?

StickAForkInMe15 · 27/10/2019 08:33

Whoever responded was unkind and strange, without question!

However, if you're happily married or in a relationship then you're on dodgy ground contacting ex's. No good usually comes of it and I'd bet if it was your husband messaging an ex you'd be wondering why and probably be a little suspicious. Ex's (both male and female) have only ever contacted me to try and spark a flame again! No thanks!

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/10/2019 08:43

I do agree with @StickAForkInMe15 actually, I wouldn't dream of sending a message to any of my long ago exes, partly because I'm not interested but even if I was I would fear misconstruction!

Ellisandra · 27/10/2019 08:45

The only time I’ve been curious enough to contact an ex, is when my current relationship has been crap. Had quite a long chat with girlfriends about it a few years ago, and everyone agreed. Contacting an ex is for when you’re dissatisfied and want an ego boost - even if you don’t realise it at the time - but you’re not single so you head for the safety of an ex because (1) it’s easy and (2) you can persuade yourself it’s not crossing a line because you’re just curious, just a friend now.

That may not be the case for you, but the response you got back is spot on in the majority of cases, I think!

I agree that his girlfriend was involved though. And good on her! Yeah it’s rude, but better to see you off now than be posting on MN in 6 months time about a boyfriend who is crossing a line.

If it’s just him, very rude and he should have just blocked you.

Crystal87 · 27/10/2019 08:47

He probably thought it was a bit odd that you contacted him. It was 22 years ago and you were only together a year. I think his reply was probably influenced by a wife or girlfriend, but it doesn't really matter as he's not part of your life now. His reply was nasty, but it reflects badly on him not you.

MoonbeamsandPolkaDots · 27/10/2019 08:50

It was perfectly understandable to contact him, so you're not the one out of step.

I agree with others-those remarks sound as if they were made by a partner and, if they weren't, he sounds a bit unhinged.

Either way, you have your answer as to what happened to him: he either turned into a graceless shit or he has involved himself with a graceless shit.

Block him and move on!

WoahThereMama · 27/10/2019 08:54

If I received a message out of the blue from a decades old ex I’d be thinking the same as their message tbh. Though I wouldn’t respond and let them know that - I’d just delete and forget about it.

Not a nice message for you to receive though I can understand why they thought the way they did!

WoahThereMama · 27/10/2019 08:56

Some of the responses on here - it’s not conceivable for a man to be a rude shit so it must’ve been his deranged female partner who sent it?! Shock Confused

PollyShelby · 27/10/2019 08:58

Did you tell your DH you'd messaged him? I wouldn't be happy at all if DH did that.

letsdolunch321 · 27/10/2019 08:59

I would have replied ......

You need anger management YOU DICK

Craftycorvid · 27/10/2019 09:00

Aw, OP, you absolutely did nothing wrong. It was an aggressive response and the problem with social media is you’ve no context and no way of knowing who has really answered. Onward and upward Flowers

Ellisandra · 27/10/2019 09:01

@PollyShelby that’s a really good point.

@PumpityPumpPump before you took to MN to complain about the rude reply... did you tell your husband about it? 🧐

ANiceLuxury · 27/10/2019 09:11

Sounds like a lot has gone on for him over the years and he now has serious issues

Ellisandra · 27/10/2019 09:15

Or maybe nothing has gone on over the years, and 6 months ago his girlfriend cheated on him, starting with a little Facebook reach out to her ex? And OP got the full force of him anger over that.

WhatsInAName19 · 27/10/2019 09:16

“I was feeling a little nostalgic and found myself wondering what had become of you; it seems you turned into a twat! Curiosity satisfied 😂"

happinessischocolate · 27/10/2019 09:17

Wife or partner definitely replied but I have to agree with others seems odd to randomly message an ex after so long.

I don't think it's odd, I have my first 3 serious boyfriends as friends on fb despite not having seen them for 30 years, I had how are you, what have you been doing for 30 years chats with all 3 when we became fb friends, and then no further contact after.

It's no different to spotting them in the street, and stopping to say hello.