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Original poster

Feeling Stupid - Contacted First Boyfriend

102 replies

PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 06:56

1997 - Holiday romance, lasted a year. Long distance, lots of letters and phone calls. No internet or mobiles back then. Slowly fizzled out.

1999 - Met my husband.

Very short dating history for me!

Often thought of my first boyfriend. How he did at uni, how his family was, what he did with his life etc. Not in a pining was, just curious.

So sent him a Facebook message, just a hello, remember me, hope you are well etc. 😀 Got a right mouthful back, asking if I was a bored housewife with nothing else to do. Was I bored of life, my kids to get in touch. ☹️ Now I feel like a right d**k.

OP posts:
SallyLovesCheese · 27/10/2019 09:20

When I first joined Facebook about 12 years ago I messaged an old boyfriend, just saying hi and asking how he was. The response was to block me. I was young, I didn't think it might be construed as wanting to start something again! Fortunately, I only have 3 exes, that one, one who would want to meet up for sex even though he's married and a ltr where it ended badly so there's no way I'd contact him again.

I agree it sounds like the girlfriend or wife replied to OP's message.

FizzyGreenWater · 27/10/2019 09:22

Good Lord well I think you have your answer there! Grin

'How are you?!'

'Quite unhinged, as you can see from my/my wife's reply, and obviously as a result not happy at all. The kind of person(s) who feel it's appropriate to respond the way I have to someone who's pretty much a total stranger making a polite enquiry. If I were normal, happy, and reasonable, yet didn't want to reply to an old girlfriend, I'd have politely ignored your message. Instead, as you can see, I've let forth a stream of skanky abuse! So, I think you can see what kind of a person I've become. Do give me a wide berth, I'm a total fuck up and so is (probably) my marriage!'

Grin Grin Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 27/10/2019 09:25

Oh and no it wasn't a terrible thing to do, probably a little naive. But perfectly acceptable and nice.

I agree that that sounds very very much like a response from an angry, paranoid partner, and if so there may be a good reason for that. But even then - blocking and not replying is a lot more dignified.

Eeek. I think you 'won' this one, so don't feel bad or stupid. The person who let that lot spew out is the one who should feel mighty uncomfortable at what they've just shown themselves to be.

TinDogTavern · 27/10/2019 09:26

I agree with @woahtheremama

Also agree with pp's who don't buy "just curious" as motivation, consciously or otherwise. I've been contacted out of the blue by long gone exes and find it unsettling, and think there's a certain arrogance in thinking I'd want to hear from them after years and years. I just don't reply, rather than be abusive, but I do wish people wouldn't do it.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 09:31

No, I haven't mentioned it to DH. 🤷 It didn't seem a big deal till I got such a rude reply.

OP posts:
HelloGeeniee · 27/10/2019 09:33

Haha it was probably his wife or girlfriend Wink or she was looking over his shoulder...

Scarydinosaurs · 27/10/2019 09:35

Definitely Not Your Problem

What a creep. I reckon it was his wife/you caught him during a dark time.

Put it out of your mind.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 09:41

Or maybe the ending fizzling out isn't how it actually happened? I may have rose tinted glasses on? I have only happy memories.

OP posts:
PepePig · 27/10/2019 09:42

Tbf, I wouldn't be rude like him but I'd be a bit "wtf?!" if my ex messaged me on Facebook. If he had a family I'd be disgusted because I'd assume he was looking to cheat. I'd also be confused to why he'd have messaged me because it's very evident I'm happily with my partner and have a beautiful DD.

Be honest with yourself. Why did you message? It wouldn't even occur to me to message an ex I didn't talk to. Are you bored? You had a very lucky escape, imo. Not from him, but from creating an awful scenario for yourself.

bluebell34567 · 27/10/2019 09:46

how does his wife know you are his ex? its been a long time.

Duchessgummybuns · 27/10/2019 09:48

Just thinking about how many posts on here start with “my DP was messaging an ex on FB”

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 09:50

I wasn't trying to be arrogant or start an affair. I have just wondered in the past what happened in his life. No other contact was needed really other than a hello back.

Possibly a bit bored? Could be but not to the extent to cause drama in someone else's life.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 27/10/2019 09:56

Might not be a wife/girlf responding.

Could simply be a swollen-headed bloke who thinks he’s irresistible to womankind and therefore has to deal with any “overtures” firmly to avoid his life descending into a constant hell of women throwing themselves at his feet whenever he leaves the house. 🤷‍♀️

Now imagine how he responds to a woman asking him for the time at the bus stop. Wink

Ellisandra · 27/10/2019 09:59

I find it interesting that you took to MN to share this, before your husband.

If I messaged an old friend (friend friend) from years ago and got a shitty reply, I’d be nudging my husband and saying “OMG! Can you believe this?!”

So why MN not your husband?

PepePig · 27/10/2019 10:02

@Ellisandra

I suspect because it's not as innocent as OP is letting on / convincing herself it to be. The fact OPs partner knows nothing of this is totally bizarre. I know if I was going to message an ex (not that I ever would, ex for a reason and all that), I'd be mentioning to DP. Honesty and transparency is so important.

Butchyrestingface · 27/10/2019 10:06

Tbf, I wouldn't be rude like him but I'd be a bit "wtf?!" if my ex messaged me on Facebook. If he had a family I'd be disgusted because I'd assume he was looking to cheat. I'd also be confused to why he'd have messaged me because it's very evident I'm happily with my partner and have a beautiful DD.

This must be why I’m still single. Confused When old friends/boyfriends get in touch on social media, I interpret it as friendly curiosity/catching up and say a bright and breezy “hello” back.

I never realised that they were in fact trying to get into my knickers and that this is my cue to don the leather basque and fishnet stockings and book us into a local hotel for a night of sweaty passion.

Why did nobody tell me? 😫

Cobblersandhogwash · 27/10/2019 10:13

I'm always tempted to contact my first couple of boyfriends. Just because I am nosy.

But I don't bother because it's pointless really and I think their wives might think I am after something.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 10:14

Sorry to disappoint but there is nothing more exciting than a message to say hello. 😐

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 10:21

Yes Cobble, it was pointless and I shouldn't have bothered.

OP posts:
PepePig · 27/10/2019 10:26

@Butchyrestingface

Surely they're an ex for a reason? I'd rather not have anything to do with them (and that goes for the ones where the split was mutual). As I said, I wouldn't be rude to them if they messaged, but I'd be baffled to why they'd suddenly want to catch up. If you want to see what's going on, a quick look on my Instagram will tell you all you need to know. Talking is a waste of time and weird, especially after "so many years". I've moved on and there's nothing less enjoyable than an ex trying to talk to you about things that happened a few years ago. Absolute snoozefest.

AppropriateAdult · 27/10/2019 12:35

I’m on good terms with all of my exes (not that that’s a very big number). I didn’t realise this was so unusual Confused

EggysMom · 27/10/2019 12:42

I've been in contact with my first serious boyfriend on/off for the last 20+ years, through friendsreunited, then FB, occasional emails, sometimes texts. I think it's purely curiosity on both our parts to see where life took us, and a connection to our youth (we've both now turned 50).

happycamper11 · 27/10/2019 16:21

My first thought was his wife/partner. Looks like I'm not alone in that

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 27/10/2019 16:49

A shame really as it was all above board. Definitely put me off doing anything similar again. Not that I have any other ex's to contact! 😒

OP posts:
PepePig · 27/10/2019 17:22

Pumpity, I assume you've told your DP by now what happened? What was his take on the scenario?