AIBU To Bollock the Vicar?

[SongforSal]

Bit of a backstory! Long-Sorry!

We have lived in the same village.for 18ys. My DS14 has got in trouble from time to time. Nothing serious at all, but the local bobby has made at least a dozen visits to my house for various reasons such as 'A complaint was made he was loitering near private property and sitting on private land' (grass by a road) or 'He and his friends were playing football in the library carpark' ect.

Anyway, the visits from the local PCSO has got to the point he has come back to my home and told me my boy was never involved in whatever incident has taken place and has tried to get information from my DS about the guilty parties. My Ds hasn't a clue who these kids are.

Local PCSO keeps turning up at my house, like my son is a point of information. I ended up phoning the non emergency police number as I felt the local PCSO was taking to much interest. At this point the PCSO had also emailed my work email address to ask for a personal reference for a new job!!! When I felt uncomfortable I called the non-emergency police and they said 'And what do you want me to do about it?' My point was a local bobby should not be turning up at my house so frequently for no reason.

Anyway, local PCSO has to attend the local parish council meetings (relevant)

Last July my DS14 was named and shamed on the local village social media page as being verbally abusive and throwing a football at the local shop window. It wasn't him. We were in Greece. Even so a lady from the village parish council sent me a scathing email. Even when I said my son cant teleport she wasn't having it!

TO MY ACTUAL POINT!-Thanks if you have made it this far!

Village vicar asks on our community page if any teenagers can help her with her small holding of animals.I ask DS14 if he is interested and he is over the moon. The vicar emails me and asks to meet my son, and I invite her round for tea and also explain my son is proficient in tending to said animals etc. She then sends me a message this morning to say she is sorry, but it wont work out (after I told her my sons name after many messages!). She rescinded her offer.

The vicar, is on the parish council, as is the PCSO. My sons name is clearly shit. for no reason. Yet, even though I am atheist I feel I need to go nuclear on this. I am so fucking cross.

This is what I want to say to the vicar:

''My son Sam was so happy to be invited to look after your animals. He has an innate calling to farming and a natural pertinacity for the role. Apologies if you now think he doesn't suit. He is upset and doesn't understand why you changed your mind''.

I hope the vicar gives the job to a nice, quiet, overlooked kid who loves animals and will do a great job, but doesn't get a lot of opportunities thrown their way otherwise. I can't see anything about your ds that makes him particularly deserving.

"
As a police community support officer (PCSO), you will work on the frontline of your local force, providing a visible and reassuring presence on the streets and tackling the menace of anti-social behaviour."

The above is from the pcso recruitment page here . The pcso is doing what he was recruited to do, and what the community have asked him to do.

It makes a change from people moaning about there not being enough bobbies on the beat anyway!

There was a case of mistaken identity when OP's ds was in Greece but there's a reason his name was linked to anti-social behaviour, and the first name on everyone's lips when something happened. It's wrong, but it didnt happen in a vacuum and the only person responsible for how he's perceived is OP's ds, and arguably op herself.

Me too Chilled not saying this is made up of course but yeah

When I first read the headline I thought you were shagging The vicar

op you sound drunk. What’s the point in that email?

YABVU. You don’t get to “bollock” anyone. She has the right to take on or not take on whoever she wants and for whatever reason.

The vicar is acting in her own best interests, as she should. If your son has a troubled reputation it makes sense she listens to that.

It sounds like your son either has to put some work into standing out for the right reasons or realise that life isn’t fair; you can’t change the opinions of others, only your own actions.

Yy to Yoba's message - apart from the last line or so. Keep it simple, ask her to reconsider.

In the meantime, why not use this to get ds organised to do some volunteering. Is there a local dog or animal rescue centre he could volunteer at? Is there anyone who needs a dog walking? Can you persuade him to do some voluntary work experience on a local farm over the holidays, if anyone is willing to take him? If he can start to get a different set of experiences, and build on his love on animals it could be a real help to him.

A 14 year old boy being a nuisance! How shocking!
I thought Christianity was about love and forgiveness, the vicar needs to have a look at her job description, to retract the offer without actually meeting the boy is wrong, however this can be dealt with without involving 'bollocking'

A 14 year old boy being a nuisance! How shocking!
As someone who works with 14 year olds, the vast majority are great, even with their nuisance moments.

The majority of 14 year olds aren't getting a dozen visits from the police, and the ones who are (at least in my area) aren't just being mildly annoying, they're being anti social, intimidating and affecting local communities with their behaviour. That's not being a nuisance. Then again the OP admits her child has been in trouble but has decided it's nothing serious and would sooner decide the whole town has a vendetta against her child for being tall than consider his behaviour.

Sometimes I think people have low expectations of teenagers when they're generally a delight in their wonderful teenage ways, which leads to poor conduct being minimised.

I would explain to the vicar that you are worried that your son has an unjustified bad reputation. Use the example of the incident when you were away to explain. And try to persuade them that this bit of responsibility is exactly what he needs to prove himself and the vicar would be doing a great community service as well as getting help.

I'd submit a subject access request relating to your son to find out exactly what, if anything has been going on behind the scenes. Once you receive the information go from there. Ask for all written records, phone logs etc.- you'll find a template letter easily enough online.

A subject access request, to see if two people who both sit on the parish council had an informal chat about OP's ds after the last meeting?

"Why make a subject access request?
You can make a subject access request to find out:
• what personal information an organisation holds about you;
• how they are using it;
• who they are sharing it with; and
• where they got your data from."

You'll give them a laugh anyway.