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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Bollock the Vicar?

113 replies

SongforSal · 26/10/2019 21:34

Bit of a backstory! Long-Sorry!

We have lived in the same village.for 18ys. My DS14 has got in trouble from time to time. Nothing serious at all, but the local bobby has made at least a dozen visits to my house for various reasons such as 'A complaint was made he was loitering near private property and sitting on private land' (grass by a road) or 'He and his friends were playing football in the library carpark' ect.

Anyway, the visits from the local PCSO has got to the point he has come back to my home and told me my boy was never involved in whatever incident has taken place and has tried to get information from my DS about the guilty parties. My Ds hasn't a clue who these kids are.

Local PCSO keeps turning up at my house, like my son is a point of information. I ended up phoning the non emergency police number as I felt the local PCSO was taking to much interest. At this point the PCSO had also emailed my work email address to ask for a personal reference for a new job!!! When I felt uncomfortable I called the non-emergency police and they said 'And what do you want me to do about it?' My point was a local bobby should not be turning up at my house so frequently for no reason.

Anyway, local PCSO has to attend the local parish council meetings (relevant)

Last July my DS14 was named and shamed on the local village social media page as being verbally abusive and throwing a football at the local shop window. It wasn't him. We were in Greece. Even so a lady from the village parish council sent me a scathing email. Even when I said my son cant teleport she wasn't having it!

TO MY ACTUAL POINT!-Thanks if you have made it this far!

Village vicar asks on our community page if any teenagers can help her with her small holding of animals.I ask DS14 if he is interested and he is over the moon. The vicar emails me and asks to meet my son, and I invite her round for tea and also explain my son is proficient in tending to said animals etc. She then sends me a message this morning to say she is sorry, but it wont work out (after I told her my sons name after many messages!). She rescinded her offer.

The vicar, is on the parish council, as is the PCSO. My sons name is clearly shit. for no reason. Yet, even though I am atheist I feel I need to go nuclear on this. I am so fucking cross.

This is what I want to say to the vicar:

''My son Sam was so happy to be invited to look after your animals. He has an innate calling to farming and a natural pertinacity for the role. Apologies if you now think he doesn't suit. He is upset and doesn't understand why you changed your mind''.

OP posts:
ElizaDee · 26/10/2019 21:56

I'd have it out and clear it all up at the next parish meeting.

Cherrysoup · 26/10/2019 21:59

I would honestly be going way above the PCSO to his Inspector and making a formal complaint about this idiot. As my dh said today (real police officer), you have to be do something outrageous to be sacked. Bonkers. His persistent visits are making you look bad. I would, however, be asking your ds to stop acting in a way that attracts negative attention. He has been a bit silly, playing footie in a car park etc.

EskewedBeef · 26/10/2019 22:00

It is unfair of her, to make an offer of employment while she's enjoying your hospitality and then change her mind a few hours later. She at least owes it to him to be honest about why she doesn't think he's suitable, and if that's because she found out he's had numerous dealings with the police then let that be a lesson to him.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 26/10/2019 22:00

As my dh said today (real police officer),

Don’t be a dick.

FunnyInjury · 26/10/2019 22:05

Even in my mums weird village where they all get totally over- involved in each others business - there are no PCSO's calling round for unwarranted behaviors.

I think you are downplaying your sons past behaviors. This is the only explanation which would make sense of everything else you have described.

Unfortunately in a smallish place then mud sticks, and I wouldn't want a local trouble maker helping out with my animals ether tbh.

Beacauseisaidso · 26/10/2019 22:06

OP your post reminds me of why I would not suit village life.
I would find a way to discuss this with the vicar, if your reasoning is correct not only is it a very petty response but unChristian too

Original poster
SongforSal · 26/10/2019 22:08

A few people have said there must be something going on to warrant a dozen police visits. There isn't. Other than me calling the police myself to ask the same thing.

OP posts:
DaisyDando · 26/10/2019 22:13

I’m on your side OP.

EmmiJay · 26/10/2019 22:13

That PCSO should come to London. He'd never be that bored here. I actually can imagine they'd keep an eye on local kids doing such things as loitering. Sad that the Vicar won't give your DS a chance though. Also odd that he emailed you for such a thing? Confused

KatyCarrCan · 26/10/2019 22:14

If you feel your son is being unfairly targeted by the police, then focus on that. Your son's ongoing relationship with the police is the problem here - not the vicar.
Shouting at a vicar is only going to ruin your reputation as well as your son's.

Littlemeadow123 · 26/10/2019 22:15

To all the people saying that there has got to be more going on, I can honestly say from my own experience that this is not necessarily the case.

I grew up in a small, sleepy village where not a lot went on. People got bored easily and when some people get bored, they kept themselves occupied by complaining about trivial things. And instead of telling them to get a grip, the really bored coppers followed it up and made a big deal out of it.

OP, I would do as others have suggested and have an honest talk with the vicar and explain the situation and ask for a trial period for your son. If she still says no then just politely express how disappointed you are that she doesn't feel able to help a young lad who has lost his way a little bit get back on track.

LolaSmiles · 26/10/2019 22:15

With the police so stretched I'm surprised that anyone has time to make a dozen visits to someone who has done nothing wrong.

bellabelly · 26/10/2019 22:17

PCSO is clearly in love with you and making up excuses to come round to yours.

FunnyInjury · 26/10/2019 22:19

Honestly OP, (and I mean this kindly) are you sure about his behavior when you are not around?

If you are really sure he hasn't been up to anti social behavior then yes - take it up as a complaint with the police; but be sure first!

I wouldn't bother with the Vicar, they are only getting their advice from the PCSO after all.

amicissimma · 26/10/2019 22:21

Did the Vicar actually offer your son the job? I can't see from your OP that it had got any further than you inviting her round for tea and telling her that he was proficient in tending to 'said' animals.

If she did offer and then withdraw the offer I would think that a 'we would really appreciate you giving DS a chance' approach would be better than giving someone, who is presumably respected in the community, a bollocking.

onthecoins · 26/10/2019 22:24

So he wasn't involved in a single one of the 12 incidents? Not one of them? Where are they getting his name from?

Original poster
SongforSal · 26/10/2019 22:26

TitianaTitsling Don't be a dick!

OP posts:
londonrach · 26/10/2019 22:27

Whats you son being doing. He needs to learn to behave. Id support him in that. Prove to the police, vicar and himself he can behave

AmIAWeed · 26/10/2019 22:28

Members of the public are welcome to parish council meetings. Perhaps if you go along, with your son they will see he isn't the devil?

Living in a tiny village I can see how narrow minded our pc members can be, I'm yet to meet one who joins for no personal gain but showing an interest in what their doing, perhaps even suggesting a youth council if the youths are such a problem. It'll give your son something different for his CV but also build bridges

Collision · 26/10/2019 22:28

It’s a bit Midsomer Murders for me

AutumnRose1 · 26/10/2019 22:30

Did the vicar actually meet your son?

NearlyGranny · 26/10/2019 22:33

Quote Luke 15:7 to the vicar and ask her to give him a try out. Mention the teleporting offence, too, in the context of Exodus 20:16, the 9th commandment, as broken by somebody at the parish council meeting.

itsmecathycomehome · 26/10/2019 22:35

It is odd that your well behaved boy appears to be universally loathed in the community.

Send the email if you must but you'll look like a fool. You have no proof that the retraction is anything at all to do with the pcso, and even if it is because of something he said, he's allowed to state facts and hold opinions and share them when asked or when pertinent to do so.

I would suggest that you use the experience as a learning opportunity for your son so that this sort of thing doesn't happen to him again. It would yield better long-term results for your son than leaping automatically to his defence.

TheoriginalLEM · 26/10/2019 22:35

It's all about the greater good!!

StrangeLookingParasite · 26/10/2019 22:36

Gosh. Maybe your son needs to get in a bit less trouble

Gosh, maybe you should read her post and realise that he isn't doing anything.