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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Bollock the Vicar?

113 replies

SongforSal · 26/10/2019 21:34

Bit of a backstory! Long-Sorry!

We have lived in the same village.for 18ys. My DS14 has got in trouble from time to time. Nothing serious at all, but the local bobby has made at least a dozen visits to my house for various reasons such as 'A complaint was made he was loitering near private property and sitting on private land' (grass by a road) or 'He and his friends were playing football in the library carpark' ect.

Anyway, the visits from the local PCSO has got to the point he has come back to my home and told me my boy was never involved in whatever incident has taken place and has tried to get information from my DS about the guilty parties. My Ds hasn't a clue who these kids are.

Local PCSO keeps turning up at my house, like my son is a point of information. I ended up phoning the non emergency police number as I felt the local PCSO was taking to much interest. At this point the PCSO had also emailed my work email address to ask for a personal reference for a new job!!! When I felt uncomfortable I called the non-emergency police and they said 'And what do you want me to do about it?' My point was a local bobby should not be turning up at my house so frequently for no reason.

Anyway, local PCSO has to attend the local parish council meetings (relevant)

Last July my DS14 was named and shamed on the local village social media page as being verbally abusive and throwing a football at the local shop window. It wasn't him. We were in Greece. Even so a lady from the village parish council sent me a scathing email. Even when I said my son cant teleport she wasn't having it!

TO MY ACTUAL POINT!-Thanks if you have made it this far!

Village vicar asks on our community page if any teenagers can help her with her small holding of animals.I ask DS14 if he is interested and he is over the moon. The vicar emails me and asks to meet my son, and I invite her round for tea and also explain my son is proficient in tending to said animals etc. She then sends me a message this morning to say she is sorry, but it wont work out (after I told her my sons name after many messages!). She rescinded her offer.

The vicar, is on the parish council, as is the PCSO. My sons name is clearly shit. for no reason. Yet, even though I am atheist I feel I need to go nuclear on this. I am so fucking cross.

This is what I want to say to the vicar:

''My son Sam was so happy to be invited to look after your animals. He has an innate calling to farming and a natural pertinacity for the role. Apologies if you now think he doesn't suit. He is upset and doesn't understand why you changed your mind''.

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 26/10/2019 22:37

I also think a calm, polite chat with the vicar to explain the situation and ask for a second chance is the way to go. I wouldn't mention your suspicions about the PCSO, just keep it about your son and how he'd really appreciate the opportunity even on a trial basis.

Don't send that email. It will come across as passive aggressive and kill any chances he has.

NearlyGranny · 26/10/2019 22:37

Oh, and aptitude might be appropriate than pertinacity, though he'll want both. Good luck to him!

Cantrememberpassword · 26/10/2019 22:37

I think the Vicar is probably worried about the animals picking up antisocial behaviour from your son and hence the withdrawal of the work offer.

Loveislandaddict · 26/10/2019 22:40

Are you sure the vicar and pc so have spoken to each other about your son?

Maybe the vicar had too many volunteers, and your son was the casualty (possibly due to his bad reputation?).

EKGEMS · 26/10/2019 22:41

And I'm afraid of catching your nastiness cantremembermypassword

nameymcnamechangeagain · 26/10/2019 22:42

If I’m reading it right the PCSO is coming round constantly because he seems to think your son has info on others because “all trouble makers know all the other trouble makers” type thing? That’s not on for starters.

I’m personally a bit believer in giving people chances, when some may not, so even if I knew your son had done wrong in the past, if he was keen then I would be giving him the task.....and are vicars not supposed to be the forgiving types?? Confused

fllinn · 26/10/2019 22:42

This sounds like the plot for a new Secret Seven book? Hmm
The PCSO's behaviour is unusual at best. I don't know where you live OP but there is something not right here - either there are some mistruths/exaggerations in your post, or either your son or the PCSO are not what they seem?

Quetiapina · 26/10/2019 22:43

I would go to the vicar and explain it would really help your son to have positive involvement in village life by helping with the animals. Point out Jesus would be unimpressed with her attitude as he particularly liked those who've had difficulties.

Serin · 26/10/2019 22:46

I kind of get where you are coming from OP.
We live in a village. I made our 2 DS's (18 and 17) walk the dog recently at night. Usually me and DH go.
They were followed home 30 minutes later by 2 female police officers. Who actually walked up to the front door with them.
I was horrified and thought there must have been an accident but they said they just didnt recognise our lads and being that they were wearing hoodies they thought they might be up to no good.
One is a student nurse the other is a cathedral choristor Confused
Country life eh?
Talk about over zealous.

Give the vicar another tel call and tell her how much it would mean to your son to be involved. Maybe school would give him a reference?

BeatriceTheBeast · 26/10/2019 22:48

All very bloody weird. My advice is to flee and move somewhere normal with a bit more going on. This is definitely a bit Midsomer Murders. And just look at what goes on in those villages!

Original poster
SongforSal · 26/10/2019 22:50

To answer a few questions. Vicar offered the job until she new my sons name. I believe she rescinded it because of that. Yes to those questioning it. We live in a village. He is 14 and looks older for his age, but he is still 14. He is a big and tall lad with a heart of gold. He doesn't need to be bastardised because of that. He is still a kid.

OP posts:
Neveam · 26/10/2019 22:50

Your village sounds bored.

vdbfamily · 26/10/2019 22:59

definitely go round and explain situation and ask for him to be given a chance. If he does a good job she will sing his praises and it may turn the situation around for your son.

mamandematribu · 26/10/2019 23:03

Ummmmm...... I had forgotten about the 'joys' of nosey village neighbours who cannot keep their noses out of others business. GrinGrinGrin

So glad I'm a city girl now.
Just ignore them .

3dogs2cats · 26/10/2019 23:05

I think this PCSO sounds like trouble, you need to speak to the vicar, and ask what they have heard. I think this person is over invested in your family and making themself the star of this show. Your family nstnts are right , you need to protect your child from someone in a position of authority spreading malicious gossip.

3dogs2cats · 26/10/2019 23:05

Instincts

safariboot · 26/10/2019 23:15

Considering the incident when you weren't even in the country, it's obvious someone is stirring up shit against you and your DS for whatever petty reason.

BeatriceTheBeast · 26/10/2019 23:19

Maybe one of his friends gave his name when they were stopped by police?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 26/10/2019 23:22

Did you contact the paper with evidence you were away? Surely a story like that is libellous?

madroid · 26/10/2019 23:26

I'm not sure if you can use pertinent as a noun. I think it can only be an adjective.

Anyway why not just say he's disappointed and would she give him a trial. It's not very Christian to just write him off on hearsay.

AutumnRose1 · 26/10/2019 23:30

How about, instead of bollocking, you put your position to the vicar calmly and clearly?

Walkaround · 26/10/2019 23:30

Are you implying this is a mentally unstable PCSO who is fabricating stories about your ds around the village and using it as an excuse to come and see you, SongforSal? Or has your ds done a few silly things and now everyone assumes it's him if trouble happens? Or is your ds the only young person in the village?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/10/2019 23:32

And I'm afraid of catching your nastiness cantremembermypassword

Did you not detect a hint of sarcasm when she said the vicar was probably worried about the the animals being influenced by the boy’s antisocial behaviour?

mummymayhem18 · 26/10/2019 23:35

Blimey. That sounds crazy. Not very charitable behaviour from the Vicar.

ActualHornist · 26/10/2019 23:39

Your email makes no sense and addresses nothing.

Fair enough if you want to know if his reputation precedes him, but be direct. Ask if you can meet with the vicar and understand her concerns; maybe you can address them?

You’ll get absolutely nowhere bollocking her, but if you can put it across nicely then she’s in a position to influence public opinion.

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