To feel pissed off about my DP's migraines.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

My DP suffers with regular migraines. I get them too, maybe three or four a year, whereas he gets one or two a month. When he gets one, he's in bed for anything up to 16 hours, sleeping and only leaving our bed to vomit.

I'm always supportive and sympathetic when he has an attack, rubbing his back when he's sick, fetching constant glasses of water, sometimes he wants a shoulder massage as he gets tension there.

I've asked him countless times to see a doctor and he says he will, but never does.

Consequently, these attacks ruin plans. He missed most of his sister's wedding because of one. Last year I got him tickets to see him favourite band, the band are from the USA and not here that often, I paid over £100 for tickets and on the day he was too ill to go and it was too late to sell them.

Today, we are meant to go to London, for a day out seeing the sights, meeting friends, arranged weeks ago and he's woken up with another migraine.

My sympathy is now starting to wane. Mainly due to the fact that if he'd gone to the doctor, one of the times I asked. He could now possibly have medication that either prevents or cures these migraines.

I'm now going to London on my own. We have tickets for something, so can't rearrange. Yet I'll also feel bad as I'll be worried about my DP all day. However, if I stay home I just have to sit in living room quiet as possible so as to not disturb him when he's sleeping.

I suffer from regular migraines. I have seen a stupid amount of GPs over the years which have come with a similar amount of stupid solutions that have never worked. Ever.

So do not think for a minute that visiting the doctor will solve the issue unless your doctor is good at scoring hole in ones.

Your partner has to find what works for him and start checking what brings them up. Only then he will be able to find a solution that more or less works.

In my case, the key advice has been kill them before they get in full swing, so if I woke up with a headache and feeling slightly sick, I start having painkillers at the regular 4 hours intervals even if they are not particularly bad (and do all stuff that helps my particular type of migraines before they come in)

I sympathise with his suffering but he needs to get his arse to the doctors and try and get it under control. So infuriating for you!

Of course he should visit a doctor. Whether the end result is they can help or not, at least he’s proactively trying to solve an issue.

As you’re looking to adopt it’s even more important he takes this step.

A relative had this. turned out he was going into renal failure.

Stress is a major factor in migraine for a lot of sufferers. As a pp mentioned, even something you are looking forward to, like an event or a holiday can be a source of stress.

I cannot understand why you wouldn't see the GP. Sometimes it's a case of finding the right GP at the surgery. He should also keep.a diary detailing what he's eaten, how he's feeling, sleep disturbance, etc.

Well - he needs to see the doc, not just to get some treatment but to get the diagnosis confirmed, especially as his BP is high.

I do not think there is anything you can do if he simply refuses.

YADNBU

I haven't RTFT, so someone's probably already mentioned this, but some migraine medications are available as a nasal spray - precisely because migraines often cause vomiting and the nasal spray circumvents that. So your DP could still have the option of triptans or other treatments, despite the vomiting.

It's insane for your DP not to see a doctor about this. My SIL is the same: regularly takes to her bed like a dying duck and makes everyone flap around her, but won't see a GP. Now I get quite a few migraines myself and I do know that sometimes all you can do is lie in bed like a dying duck. But I function so much better with proper medication, and I have no patience with someone who won't at least check out the possibility that they could improve their lives (and everyone else's).

I have a headache condition and i a long time ago ran out of my medication. I have not been back to the doctors to get it (mainly as my husband passed away last year so
Other things took precedence). So when I get an episode I am
Absolutely on my knees. Why don’t I go? I think because when I’m ill I’m so ill that I physically can’t think how to get to a doctors I just want to sleep. Then when I’m
Better I feel so good and normal it doesn’t occur to me to go. Vicious circle ⭕️. If I were you I would make an appointment for him and coax him there. If he refuses medical help then you are going to have to be tough and stop caring for him as much when he is ill. When my husband was here we would look after me when I was ill and it was always easier then now I’m on my own.

Of course he should see a doctor, however having been a chronic migraine sufferer myself and been under a neurologist for several years it didn't help that much! Sometimes they hit on a solution but it's pretty hit and miss in my experience.

However, I have to tell you @GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery that personally I have had my life changed by a non-drug solution. Look at www.migrainetrust.org/living-with-migraine/treatments/external-trigeminal-nerve-stimulation/ and seriously consider a Cefaly II.

I was a chronic migraine sufferer, having 2-3 migraines a week sometimes up to 2 days per attack. I now use Cefaly on "prevent" mode each evening for 20 minutes. I have been doing this for 9 months, I am off all prevention drugs and have not had a migraine for several weeks, when I do have an attack they are nothing like they were. Cefaly is £330 from Amazon, no prescription needed, so maybe he could try this if he really hates going to the doctor's so much. Please note: I am nothing to do with Cefaly, I only recommend it because it's done so much for me! Any questions feel free to PM me.

OP I have sympathy with you as my DH also suffers. He is just getting over one now. As others have said, please don't assume a trip to the doctors will cure or help. DP has tried many different tablets and suffered bad rebound headaches and serious side effects from some meds, I'm talking serious suicidal thoughts. What he has found helped was acupuncture and massage. We saw a big difference in the severity and frequency when he was seeing an acupuncturist regularly. However he has now said he doesn't like the acupuncturist and stopped going meaning the migraines are worse and more frequent. I am pregnant, due in a week and feeling very anxious at the thought of DH being unwell and looking after a newborn.

I spoke to DH about this the other day because I also feel frustrated he has stopped the acupuncture and not looked at anything else. Of course it is not his fault he gets them, and they are agony. We know certain things trigger them but it's also never knowing when one will strike which adds to the anxiety. Anyway without making him feel bad for getting them, I explained how I felt about him not trying anything else, especially with a baby on the way. We had a big long talk and he got it, he's been looking for other therapies and enquired about botox.

Sorry this is so long but my point is, be open minded about what medication and treatment can do but YANBU to be frustrated. Have a proper conversation with him, about how you are concerned but try not to blame him for them, I've no doubt he would love not to have them anymore. There may be a reason he is not telling you for why he won't seek help but there are lots of things he could try. Good luck!

I'm a migraine sufferer so I sympathise with your dp, however yanbu, he needs to see his GP, due to my migraine tablets my migraines are fewer and less severe, he also needs to make sure there is no underlying medical issue. In your position I'd make the appointment and take him, no more excuses good luck

Food intolerance? Amines are particularly bad for them. www.fedup.com.au/factsheets/symptom-factsheets/headaches-and-migraines

Also, changes in air pressure are the very devil for them, too. I watched DM for years suffering but she did eventually find out about diet and things improved for her.

They could be anything.I worked with a man who kept getting them really badly and after being turned away from a and e countless times, it turned out to be an advanced brain tumour.
He needs to go to the G.Ps and stop being so stupid. Also I wouldn't be pandering to him, giving him back rubs etc, fuck that for a laugh.
I'd be off doing the things I'd arranged. I wonder if hes faking the attacks so he doesn't have to do things he isn't up for?

It seemed likely that someone seeking offence would jump on my comment in that way Gutenfrau but the point was intended to be helpful to OP - as are all the other similar comments down the thread. It's about helping her look at things from all angles, eliminate the irrelevant and consider the possibly relevant but previously unconsidered.

Anticipation, even of nice things, can be a stressor. It is also very possible to generate stress, consciously or unconciously, as a self-fulling prophecy, in anticipation of something one feels uneasy about, for whatever reason.

There may be psychological factors at play. Or, there may not.

Well I read your post in the same way lottie. You were implying he was using migraine as an excuse to avoid things, not that the stress/anticipation was a potential root cause.

Thanks everyone. Taxi due in a minute to get me to train station. He's still in bed. I'll talk to him tomorrow and make some of the points and suggestions you've given. Will update you.

Well, bully for you. Presumably you both missed that post's second line. Are you going to tell off Boysey too?

Fortunately it did have the intended effect for OP - helping her to dismiss one possibility by identifying that there isn't such a link.

The above to wowfudge of course.

Get him some Buccastem over the counter for the vomiting. It’s a tiny little pill that you stick between your gum and cheek so no worries about trying to swallow when feeling sick.

The other thing he needs is a very large grip. While I sympathise with any fellow migraine sufferer, if he’s refusing to even see his GP about it, I would limit my response to “ohdearwhatashamenevermind” and carry on with your plans on your own. Don’t let his refusal to deal with his health issues affect your life as well.

drag him to the doctor, my husband used to have migraines that lasted day, him in a dark room with a cold pack on his face only getting up to vomit... he finely had had enough and went to the doctor and they put him on rizamelt and if he takes one ( up to 3 a day if needed) as soon as he starts to feel it he can stop it in its tracks, occasionally he will get one thats a monster but at the moment they are rare, and if the rizamelts stop being effective they have others to try... so drag him in and make him get help, they have quite a few different medications that are for migraines , im sure they can find one that works

YADNBU

As a sufferer of chronic migraines, he's behaving like an idiot, though I have one exactly the same over his hearing issues, which clash badly with my migraine & SPD if I had an option of medication, I would snap someone's hand off to not have to deal with the headaches & other vile symptoms.

In my experience, the doctors will take it more seriously just because he's male & seems there more treatment options too. A neighbour of mine recently told me he'd had it too, completely cured by a NHS Botox injection, something never offered to me in 17 years 🤔

I'm en route to London. He was vomiting when I left. 😥

Perhaps he would consider seeing a homeopath? I've seen homeopathy cure some friends' migraines and it's helped me a lot with other disease conditions. Some people are resistant to seeing doctors due to bad experiences in the past and/or bad reactions to prescribed drugs. He may feel more secure with a different approach.

I would be very careful over adoption plans. I hate to say it, but if he refuses to look after himself, then how can either of you think that he will look after a kid?

I've suffered with that kind of migraine my whole life. I've seen countless doctors. Nothing has ever helped.