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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel pissed off about my DP's migraines.

115 replies

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 26/10/2019 09:29

My DP suffers with regular migraines. I get them too, maybe three or four a year, whereas he gets one or two a month. When he gets one, he's in bed for anything up to 16 hours, sleeping and only leaving our bed to vomit.

I'm always supportive and sympathetic when he has an attack, rubbing his back when he's sick, fetching constant glasses of water, sometimes he wants a shoulder massage as he gets tension there.

I've asked him countless times to see a doctor and he says he will, but never does.

Consequently, these attacks ruin plans. He missed most of his sister's wedding because of one. Last year I got him tickets to see him favourite band, the band are from the USA and not here that often, I paid over £100 for tickets and on the day he was too ill to go and it was too late to sell them.

Today, we are meant to go to London, for a day out seeing the sights, meeting friends, arranged weeks ago and he's woken up with another migraine.

My sympathy is now starting to wane. Mainly due to the fact that if he'd gone to the doctor, one of the times I asked. He could now possibly have medication that either prevents or cures these migraines.

I'm now going to London on my own. We have tickets for something, so can't rearrange. Yet I'll also feel bad as I'll be worried about my DP all day. However, if I stay home I just have to sit in living room quiet as possible so as to not disturb him when he's sleeping.

OP posts:

Paintedmaypole · 26/10/2019 10:03

He really needs to see a doctor. In the meantime all he can do if he has a migraine is lie down in a darkened room and wait for it to pass. There is little you can do to help so don't feel guilty about going without him. Sometimes they occur when you relax after a period of stress, possibly why they occur at weekends. There are several possible triggers , he needs to see a doctor for individual assessment. Talk to him when he isn't ill and tell him that this is ruining his life and also affecting you

Teachermaths · 26/10/2019 10:04

I have seen a doctor for mine and no medication seems to work. The best cure is being sick and sleep.

However acupuncture has reduced the frequency of them.

motortroll · 26/10/2019 10:04

My husband has hypertension. He used to get migraines (especially when stressed) and now he is medicated he never gets them. He also is now very fit from cycling which has helped the hypertension.

SarahNade · 26/10/2019 10:06

YANBU What he is doing is disrupting your life. I am on medication, 2 different ones, take every day, and I now get them as often as you and have emergency tablets for when I have them to ease reverse the migraines in 2 hours - where as I used to get them as often as your DP. He can live as close to a normal life as possible by just taking a tablet. What he is doing is selfish and he is shutting himself off from life, and also impacting on your life. Ultimatum time, imo.

Dhalandchips · 26/10/2019 10:06

Could be considered 'woo' but daith piercing stopped my migraines completely. Would he consider that?!

TheFairyCaravan · 26/10/2019 10:07

I suffer with migraines, at one point I was getting about 18 a month. I don't understand why anyone would rather be in pain and puking than visiting the doctor to see if there's something that could help.

I, too, take Sumatriptan but the doctor gives me domperidone which speeds up the absorption of it and stops you feeling sick. I've got a nasal spray too, so there are things that he could be given. He might find if he's got high blood pressure that they put him on a beta blocker and that will help his migraines.

I take a lot of preventatives for my migraines, and I've had a few courses of Botox, however I find acupuncture the most effective. It's reduced my migraines from at least 18 a month to 4 or 5.

Vilanelle · 26/10/2019 10:09

In my experience, doctors cant do much for migraines. My sister has tried everything and nothing helps. I know it's not nice but you can't blame him. Migraines are awful

lottiegarbanzo · 26/10/2019 10:10

Just reading this superficially, it sounds as though he doesn't like days out, holidays or big events and is pleased to have a 'get out'.

Does he suffer from social anxiety, or just dislike change, or dislike activities that demand something of him that he doesn't want to give?

Original poster

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 26/10/2019 10:12

@Dhalandchips we looked into the piercing. He was up for it (or so he says) but he's a chef and has to take piercings out, so couldn't wear it until healed.

I'll suggest acupuncture @Teachermaths

OP posts:

GeneHuntLover · 26/10/2019 10:12

My doctor helped with my migraines, am now on propranolol and only had one in a year when I forgot to take my tabs on holiday

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/10/2019 10:14

My mum used to get migraines, and every single holiday we went on as a family would have at least two days ruined by her having to take to her bed. Hers were stress induced, by travelling. My dad used to take us out on those days so as not to waste our precious holiday and she had to manage by herself (but she mostly wanted to sleep and lie in the dark anyway).

Just bear in mind if you stay with him and have children, it can get very difficult to plan your life around someone else.

SarahNade · 26/10/2019 10:14

@Reallybadidea I am also on Sumatriptan (that is an emergency medication only though, taken when you get an attack, you don't take it daily) and Norvasc and Indural for High blood pressure (Indural also is part of my two daily preventative migraine meds - Sandomigran and Indural) so, it is safe to take Sumatriptan if you have high blood pressure.

Original poster

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 26/10/2019 10:15

@lottiegarbanzo he's not as social as me, but isn't socially awkward or anxious. At least on the outside. As mentioned up thread it happened twice in the first day of our holiday and that's just the two of us.

Also, I guess I'm only remembering the times when his migraines ruin plans. There's countless times when he gets migraines when we have no plans at all.

Right, I guess I need to get washed and dressed, put my face on and get my shit together to go to London. Thanks everyone for being so helpful.

OP posts:

Original poster

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 26/10/2019 10:16

@Zaphodsotherhead we're about to embark on adoption. So another reason for him to go to fucking doctor!!!

OP posts:

Joerev · 26/10/2019 10:17

I got such bad migraines. I vomited for a year straight. Up to 16 times a day. I ruined the enamel on my teeth

I went to my dr. I tried anything from tablets with gold in them. To stuff you stick up your nose. To bet blockers. Not one thing stopped them. I’ve suffered all my life. But this one year. I got up to 16 each day for over a year. It was god damn awful. My poor mother helped me through it.

If she’d of turned around and said. Oh well. Off you go. I’d of been not only horrified. But very very sick.

Reallybadidea · 26/10/2019 10:18

Sorry, should have said uncontrolled high blood pressure. Sumatriptan can increase blood pressure further which can be dangerous if it's already high. If you are taking blood medication then it's presumably well controlled. And you're also taking it on medical advice, not just sharing someone else's, which the OP was.

Gutenfrau · 26/10/2019 10:18

@lottiegarbanzo.
Just reading this superficially, it sounds as though he doesn't like days out, holidays or big events and is pleased to have a 'get out

Why would you say that about anyone who gets migraines? Do you know how painful they are? This strikes me as a nasty comment almost ableist.

StoatofDisarray · 26/10/2019 10:18

I had high blood pressure as well as migraines and the medication I was prescribed for the blood pressure had the side effect of stopping the migraines (Telmisartan). It was like magic!

SarahNade · 26/10/2019 10:22

So another reason for him to go to fucking doctor!!!

Definitely! He can't even be responsible and look after himself, how is he going to look after a child? You'll be left on your own with DC while he is in bed! Unless he stops being so irresponsible with his health (and your life/happiness), I certainly would not want to raise any child with him. Life is a litany of wasted opportunities and ruined plans for you now, as it is. A child is the very last thing either of you need.

Purplejay · 26/10/2019 10:24

Not sure why you would feel bad and worry about him all day. You know what the problem is and the best thing is quiet and rest. He doesn’t need you to rub his back while he vomits (I can’t think of anything worse).

He needs to see the doctor.

thewooster · 26/10/2019 10:24

I've had migraine all my life (vomiting for over 10 hours, agony over one eye type) and the bad ones can last 3 days. I've tried tons of preventative medicines but still got at least one migraine a week. The best one I tried was Topamax and I was migraine free for weeks at a time, but not migraine free completely However I could not tolerate the side effects, so had to come off it.

I am now completely tablet free but have zolmitriptan to take at the first sign of a migraine (used to have sumatriptan but doctor changed it) and they really work (sumatriptan did too), but you have to take it at the first sign of a migraine otherwise it will not work. You cannot take it once your head is raging. These tablets are life changing to a migraine sufferer and he needs to go and see his doctor.

I've learnt that I need to keep the same routine otherwise it brings on a migraine ie no lieing in bed at weekends. You have to keep it the same. I keep a check on my diet as certain foods bring it on and wine, but I still have the odd blow out but know I will suffer. Life can be boring constantly keeping yourself in check but hey what is the other option.

Events such as weddings, parties, holidays ie anything out of the ordinary will bring on a migraine. And stress.

One thing I also learnt late in life was when my head was raging with pain if I take deep breaths in through my nostils and out again through the mouth, it dulls the pain. You have to do it for about 20 minutes of really deep breathing - I pace around the floor (not sure why!) and I've culled quite a few bad ones enough to get a zolmatriptan down before the vomitting starts and although you cant do much it gets rid of the horrible pain.

He doesnt have to suffer like this. Get down the doctors, man!

Original poster

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 26/10/2019 10:26

@SarahNade to be fair. He actually has very few faults, which is annoying!!

There's not much about him that I can complain about. But this situation with migraines is getting ridiculous now.

I'm having serious words with him tomorrow. I'm armed now, with all the help on this thread.

OP posts:

Bellringer · 26/10/2019 10:29

Homeopathic remedy for migraine, natur mur. Like magic. Get advice from homeopath or specialist chemist (Helios or ainsworth)

EssentialHummus · 26/10/2019 10:32

Just to say I'm in a similar situation with DH - migraines, medicated, but he has clear triggers (tiredness etc) and just bloody ignores them, then expects sympathy when he falls ill. It's difficult and I sometimes feel I have to carry a lot of the household stuff because he won't do the things he can to make it better.

EggysMom · 26/10/2019 10:33

Book him an optician's appointment too. Friend of mine had the source of his migraines spotted by an optician, turned out to be pressure on the brain and lumbar punctures/drains have helped.

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