Baby names- does dxp deserve a say

[Sweetpeach3]

Bit of background-
Got 2DC together and one en route , recently broke up as he was an abusive, controlling twat to say the least. I'm now back in my own house with both DC and waiting to be charged.

So DXP likes Harrison. I personally don't like this as it was what we wanted to call our first son and he used to write it in cards etc before he was born and also our 2 DC don't have the average names (DS"s changed the moment he came out to something totally different)
I love Harlow and reggie (Reginald) But he doesn't agree and tbh iv never heard of a Harlow so he's making me think twice even though iv always loved it!

Completely at a stand still as I was set on a Harlow before we even got pregnant and if I'm honest does he even have a right to give his opinion ?

We was great when I conceived had been working really well no abuse or anything then soon as I got pregnant an started getting my bump he told me to get an abortion as he didn't want it (I was to late at this point and I don't know where it came from) then it just went down hill back to square one. He says I get to hormonal when I'm pregnant an he doesn't like that I can get moody (basically telling him to clean the windows his ducking self as I ain't Spider-Man with a huge belly and to make his own brews- just not taking his shit) who can blame me? Im tryin to be civil with him were my other 2DC are concerned as they didn't ask for this and for them to not see the conflict etc
So all this aside he's saying iv trapped him as iv kept my little pudding, but honestly iv got everything for my new baby alone an I don't involve him in anything to do with the pregnancy an he doesn't ask even if he has the DC why I go to an appointment he doesn't ask what for or how did it go
He hasn't contributed a single penny or anything what so ever iv done it alone an got everything we need plus iv got everything for Christmas- pretty proud of myself as I don't have much money spare 😂 But I don't think that's called trapping lol?🤷🏼‍♀️
iv told him he doesn't need to be involved but yet he wants a say on the name and to be st the birth like he was for all the others. This doesn't bother me cos soon as iv had them he goes home. First time he went out for tea with his mates. Second time he just went home and asks me ring when I was been discharged 🤔 looking back i think wtf why did I have more kids with this self centred arsehole but hay hard when you have blinkers on in an abusive relationship so don't judge!

I was registering the baby alone in my own name anyway so WIBU for just doing what I want and not considering what he wants and just doing it alone. Not as if he's going to know when I'm in labour as I live on my own with DC anyway.
My best friend lives 10 doors up from me and one lives at the other side of the street so I have support quickly at hand and my mum is about 15mins drive so I will be fine in that respect
Just don't know what to do ?? His family don't bother with our DC anyway they see them every Christmas and they live down the road from both of us

What can I do for the best mums ?

I don’t particularly think he has a right to an opinion and I certainly wouldn’t have him at the birth unless it’s what you really want which it doesn’t sound like it it

Are you married? He can register the baby by himself if you are if not then he doesnt have a say

I wouldn't want him at the birth, and although I was going to say yes he's the baby's father he deserves input, I think from what you've said he doesn't act like a father so no. Call him what you want. And don't let him be at the birth unless you actually want him there.

@slipperywhensparticus no not married thank heavens! And I don't think I do the things he's said why should he be able to see a beautiful baby come into the world after the horrible vile things he's said about it. X

Don’t have him at the birth and call your baby what you want in this case.

Is Harlow a girls name? Reggie is cute

Harrison as a middle name? I think it’s a nice name but I wouldn’t have it as a first name just because exdp demanded it. Baby’s name is your choice. However if you genuinely liked it and could use it as a middle name as far as you are concerned, it was your choice. And as far as he is concerned, it could look like a compromise- even if actually it wasn’t and you chose it as a middle name because YOU wanted it not him.

For what it’s worth, I like Harlow the best, and Harrison second. Reggies are everywhere!!!! I’m a teacher, there’s 2 in my class and there’s been one in every year group for about 3 years.
(And they’re all little pickles!)

If you want your baby to have a relationship with his father, then yes, he should have a say in his name

Well it's hard as you have 2 other children with him and you dont want this child to feel unwanted by his father if the other 2 have a relationship / contact with him. Is that the case? It just reads you dont want him to have anything to do with this baby but I think that would be damaging for 1 child if the others see him. If they dont see him / aren't going to thsts different

I don’t like any of the names in question personally especially Reggie which seems to be popular atm, just reminds me of the Kray twins!

Anyway, I think the name should be your decision. He vetoed the right to a say when he demanded you abort and started being a controlling abuser.

Why would you let him have a say? You don't have to, because of not being married, so it would be entirely a choice on your part. What benefit will there be to you or the child in allowing this? He's abusive and not arsed anyway. It sounds like you will be doing almost all of the baby stuff alone, if not all of it, so use the name you're most comfortable with.

After reading the title I came on here to say of course you are being unreasonable. I cant stand it when women refuse to give the fathers of their children equal decisions in their lives. However, after reading your post he clearly is a twat. He wanted you to abort the baby yet expects to choose the name?! Nope. I would maybe compromise and give Harrison as a middle name because you have two other children with him but there's no way in hell he would be choosing the baby's name when he doesnt even want it!

@Sleephead1 see this is were I am utterly confused because he told me to get rid and as I never he didn't want anything to do but does my other 2? I don't find it fair as they all should get to see their dad an what would I tell the new baby when they go to their dads house an he's left behind ? He doesn't think that way clearly so I am at a brick wall with it all. I feel it's just another game with him so that's why Iv just got on with everything and left him out of it as it's what he wanted anyway.

Genuinely don't have a f-Ing clue what to do in this situation because I'm certainly not forcing a child upon him an that's what he's tried accuse me of

No absolutely not. The moment a man says abortion he loses all rights to that child.

I've only ever heard of females being called Harlow tbh.

Reggie is cute.

As for him having a say, I wouldn't. He sounds like that would be the top and bottom of his input into the child's life.

If I grew up knowing a fuckwit of a dad gave me my name, I'd feel very resentful.

I've met a girl Harlow and a boy Harlow. There is also a character (girl) at the moment on Neighbours with the name. In your situation I would call the baby whatever you want!

@Doidoit19 well he wanted Harrison then his name as a middle name so that was my compromise as a name I pick then his name as his middle name as they don't get used anyway.
Feel as though it's part of his control game again so I ain't letting him win when he stated all along he wants nothing to do and if he does iv trapped him so

you Only trapped him if you told him not to use contraception. Otherwise, he’s at least 50% to blame for your pregnancy. You’re not together and he’s not playing an active part in supporting you so I think you take some consideration into his feelings as he is the father, but you get final say. You certainly don’t go for his choice if you don’t like it.
I would also assume Harlow was a girl. Not sure why though.

Tell him to fuck off cheeky git.
And remember the mantra your last name not on birth certificate and not present at birth. Good luck.

Harlow is a town in Essex. Interesting heritage if you’re a town planner, but if you’re not it’s a crap 1950s town with a crumbling town centre. It’s like calling your child Basildon.

Reggie is nice.

Doesn’t matter what the name is surely.
Say no.

He seems to have ejaculated and then had sod all to do with the baby since.
Your baby, your call. Fuck the sperm donors opinion.

Go for Harlow, or Harley for short? there are loads of Harrisons, it's a surname imo. And I wouldn't be putting his name as middle name either!

It should be your choice not his.

However, why would you give your child the same name as a very unattractive Essex town? (First thing I thought of)

Agree with the craptowninessex PPs. Though I guess not really the main point of the thread.