Baby names- does dxp deserve a say

[Sweetpeach3]

Bit of background-
Got 2DC together and one en route , recently broke up as he was an abusive, controlling twat to say the least. I'm now back in my own house with both DC and waiting to be charged.

So DXP likes Harrison. I personally don't like this as it was what we wanted to call our first son and he used to write it in cards etc before he was born and also our 2 DC don't have the average names (DS"s changed the moment he came out to something totally different)
I love Harlow and reggie (Reginald) But he doesn't agree and tbh iv never heard of a Harlow so he's making me think twice even though iv always loved it!

Completely at a stand still as I was set on a Harlow before we even got pregnant and if I'm honest does he even have a right to give his opinion ?

We was great when I conceived had been working really well no abuse or anything then soon as I got pregnant an started getting my bump he told me to get an abortion as he didn't want it (I was to late at this point and I don't know where it came from) then it just went down hill back to square one. He says I get to hormonal when I'm pregnant an he doesn't like that I can get moody (basically telling him to clean the windows his ducking self as I ain't Spider-Man with a huge belly and to make his own brews- just not taking his shit) who can blame me? Im tryin to be civil with him were my other 2DC are concerned as they didn't ask for this and for them to not see the conflict etc
So all this aside he's saying iv trapped him as iv kept my little pudding, but honestly iv got everything for my new baby alone an I don't involve him in anything to do with the pregnancy an he doesn't ask even if he has the DC why I go to an appointment he doesn't ask what for or how did it go
He hasn't contributed a single penny or anything what so ever iv done it alone an got everything we need plus iv got everything for Christmas- pretty proud of myself as I don't have much money spare 😂 But I don't think that's called trapping lol?🤷🏼‍♀️
iv told him he doesn't need to be involved but yet he wants a say on the name and to be st the birth like he was for all the others. This doesn't bother me cos soon as iv had them he goes home. First time he went out for tea with his mates. Second time he just went home and asks me ring when I was been discharged 🤔 looking back i think wtf why did I have more kids with this self centred arsehole but hay hard when you have blinkers on in an abusive relationship so don't judge!

I was registering the baby alone in my own name anyway so WIBU for just doing what I want and not considering what he wants and just doing it alone. Not as if he's going to know when I'm in labour as I live on my own with DC anyway.
My best friend lives 10 doors up from me and one lives at the other side of the street so I have support quickly at hand and my mum is about 15mins drive so I will be fine in that respect
Just don't know what to do ?? His family don't bother with our DC anyway they see them every Christmas and they live down the road from both of us

What can I do for the best mums ?

I would say he shouldn’t get a say only because he’s behaved like an idiot and said some pretty horrible things. And if he wants nothing to do with the baby still, why should he get naming rights.
I quite like Reggie. I don’t like Harlow, but only because I know it as a town in Essex.

C'est la maman qui decide, as the French sensibly say! You're carrying the baby, you saved it from the fate he wanted for it, you've bought everything it needs. All he's done is contribute the sperm and then make things worse in every way he could.

I say the balance of who gets to choose is 100% you, 0% him.

Don't feel you have to have him at the birth unless you actively want him to be there. He warrants no consideration. He could have married you; he could have supported you through the pregnancy. He chose not to. It's your choice now.

Harlow is rather lovely. We have some rather posh best china with that pattern name! Or there is Arlo if you want similar but different, like American folk singer Arlo Guthrie.

Reggie does make me think of Reggie and Ronnie Kray, though it's a classy name in it's own right. Every classroom is full of Harrisons these days; it's the new Jack.

You go your own way and don't consider anyone who doesn't consider you. I hope all goes well. Try never to let your child find out his biological father wanted you to abort him. It is hugely damaging knowledge for a human being to handle. It is a deal breaker in anyone's book, I believe.

How about Arlo or Harley.

YANBU. You're right, it's control.

Start as you mean to go on and give your beautiful baby the name you want him to have.

Have you ever been to Harlow? Do your child a favour and name them something else. Harlow is a fucking dump.

But no, if you are not married he doesn't have a say, rightly or wrongly. I wouldn't choose something that you know is gonna piss him off though, will only make a bad situation worse.

But not Harlow.

It’s you choice. But as mentioned, isn’t Harlow a girls name?

I can't believe he wanted you to abort but wants to choose not only the child's first name but have the child have his name as a middle name! The effrontery!
Reggie reminds me of the Krays as well but I think that's a generational thing. It's like the name Eva - popular now but wasn't used for a long time because all people would think about was Eva Braun.

Harlow will end up being called Harlot.

How much of a r’ship xp will have with dc3 depends very much on whether or not he steps up to be a decent parent to all 3 of his dc. Only time will tell on that. However, on the name front I do think Harrison or Harris (or how about good old Harry?!) is much nicer than Harlow. Arlo as pp suggested is lovely. Arlo Harris? Hank? Huxley? Harlan?

Beveren really? Not sure it’s in the lexicon of most playgrounds tbh!

Harlow is awful, much like the town in Essex. Please don't saddle your child with such a horrible name!

I think wanting to name the new baby is purely about control. Choose your baby's name, don't register him on the birth certificate, and draw a line.
In the meantime, ensure he is supporting his 2 sons already here - child maintenance claim, and claim for new baby when he arrives as well.
And all 3 are his sons, he doesn't get to have a relationship with the older 2 and ignore the baby - that is abusive and will psychologically affect all 3.
Please speak to your health visitor about the freedom programme, and also how you will organise contact going forward. In my town there is a church run dad's club (free) where dad's can take their kids on a Saturday morning...see if there is something like that locally, unless he is abusive to them a pattern of regular contact with their dad needs to be established for your son's benefit.
My ex husband was abusive to me and that abuse started when I was pregnant - planned but with fertility treatment. He thought I was dependent on him then, and he could do as he liked.
I instigated divorce, child has my surname but I allowed him to choose a middle name. He has moved back to his home country and refused to pay any child maintenance which I am unable to legally enforce. However I enable contact - it is my child's benefit to have a relationship with her father and paternal grandparents, but they don't ever come to my home.

I love Harlow and reggie (Reginald) But he doesn't agree and tbh iv never heard of a Harlow so he's making me think twice even though iv always loved it!

I dislike reggie as a name
There is a female character on neighbours called Harlow
Nicole Richie "The Great News actress, 36, brought along with her daughter Harlow Madden"

Jean Harlow /Full name
Harlean Harlow Carpenter

Seems to be mainly used for females

Re should he have a say? I would use one of his chosen for the middle name

Harlow in Essex and Reggie Kray?

Thank you all for your advice. I do still love Harlow the only reason he doesn't like it is because he had a "fight" with a guy an his son had the same name a few years back he said!
Il no doubt change my mind once I meet him. I always do lol x

This bloke sounds like a right peach.

I think Reggie is awful, sorry. Agree about the Krays association.
And why on EARTH would you honour him by using his name as a middle name for a child he's shunned all through pregnancy? Are you hoping that it will make him change his mind?

And what do you mean by "waiting to be charged?"

Harrison is literally 'Harry's son' so unless your XP is called Harry I would avoid it. Whenever I encounter a Harrison with a DF named anything but Harry it just seems so ... well, as if he's someone else's!

Avoid Harlow like the plague. It's the name of a sprawling London overspill town in Essex.

@CallmeAngelina oh god no. Wouldnt bother me if we didn't see him again an I don't want him have anything to do or change his mind with some of the things he's said during this pregnancy they would make your stomach turn he's vile. Was just to compromise an not he called the worlds worst not letting him have a say even though he doesn't deserve on. Iv tried be so civil an okay with him he just wants it to be impossible !
An he's up in court to face charges that I pressed upon him.

Why would you not name him on the birth cert? The birth cert is a record of your child's birth. If you know who the child's father is, you should include it on the birth cert, for your child's sake.

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre because he says I'm trapping him doing so? I can't win because he wants to name my child. But at the same time he doesn't want anything to do

Just smile and nod to all his attempts at control through naming the baby.
Then go to the registrar on your own and call the baby whatever you want. He gets no say whatsoever unless you let him.
I as others think of Harlow as a girl name, but I think it would work for a boy. Reggie is nice enough. I do like Harrison.
What about Reginald Harrison and call him Reggie

Il no doubt change my mind once I meet him. I always do lol x

I'm missing the joke here...

Why would you not name him on the birth cert? The birth cert is a record of your child's birth. If you know who the child's father is, you should include it on the birth cert, for your child's sake.

Yep. Name the man who abused the mother and wanted the baby aborted...

The child can know who the father is without having it recorded for posterity.

Name is your choice, and don’t have him at the birth. Every time he brings it up say if I’d aborted him like you wanted he wouldn’t need a name.

He can only be named on the birth certificate if he consents and attends, and with his previous conduct there's really no guarantee that will happen. But even let's say he would co-operate, the very good reason for not naming him is that doing so would afford him parental responsibility. A birth certificate is not just a record of a child's birth. Decisions have legal implications, so when the father is abusive or in some other way remiss and they're not married so the mother has the choice of not including him, it would be wrong of her not to consider this.