Baby names- does dxp deserve a say

[Sweetpeach3]

Bit of background-
Got 2DC together and one en route , recently broke up as he was an abusive, controlling twat to say the least. I'm now back in my own house with both DC and waiting to be charged.

So DXP likes Harrison. I personally don't like this as it was what we wanted to call our first son and he used to write it in cards etc before he was born and also our 2 DC don't have the average names (DS"s changed the moment he came out to something totally different)
I love Harlow and reggie (Reginald) But he doesn't agree and tbh iv never heard of a Harlow so he's making me think twice even though iv always loved it!

Completely at a stand still as I was set on a Harlow before we even got pregnant and if I'm honest does he even have a right to give his opinion ?

We was great when I conceived had been working really well no abuse or anything then soon as I got pregnant an started getting my bump he told me to get an abortion as he didn't want it (I was to late at this point and I don't know where it came from) then it just went down hill back to square one. He says I get to hormonal when I'm pregnant an he doesn't like that I can get moody (basically telling him to clean the windows his ducking self as I ain't Spider-Man with a huge belly and to make his own brews- just not taking his shit) who can blame me? Im tryin to be civil with him were my other 2DC are concerned as they didn't ask for this and for them to not see the conflict etc
So all this aside he's saying iv trapped him as iv kept my little pudding, but honestly iv got everything for my new baby alone an I don't involve him in anything to do with the pregnancy an he doesn't ask even if he has the DC why I go to an appointment he doesn't ask what for or how did it go
He hasn't contributed a single penny or anything what so ever iv done it alone an got everything we need plus iv got everything for Christmas- pretty proud of myself as I don't have much money spare 😂 But I don't think that's called trapping lol?🤷🏼‍♀️
iv told him he doesn't need to be involved but yet he wants a say on the name and to be st the birth like he was for all the others. This doesn't bother me cos soon as iv had them he goes home. First time he went out for tea with his mates. Second time he just went home and asks me ring when I was been discharged 🤔 looking back i think wtf why did I have more kids with this self centred arsehole but hay hard when you have blinkers on in an abusive relationship so don't judge!

I was registering the baby alone in my own name anyway so WIBU for just doing what I want and not considering what he wants and just doing it alone. Not as if he's going to know when I'm in labour as I live on my own with DC anyway.
My best friend lives 10 doors up from me and one lives at the other side of the street so I have support quickly at hand and my mum is about 15mins drive so I will be fine in that respect
Just don't know what to do ?? His family don't bother with our DC anyway they see them every Christmas and they live down the road from both of us

What can I do for the best mums ?

The child can know who the father is without having it recorded for posterity.

Like it or not the man is the child's father. Posterity has nothing to do with it. The birth cert is a legal factual document. The man is legally, factually, the child's father.

Tellme if the father isn't on the birth certificate he doesn't have automatic parental responsibility and would have to apply to the courts to have it.
Many abusive men use their parental responsibility to exert control over ex partners.

There is a distinction between being factually a child's father and having parental responsibility. And he isn't the legal father if he doesn't have PR, legal father isn't the same as factual in the UK. Like it or not.

Harlow is a girls name though. Nicole Richie's daughter is Harlow.

He's made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with the baby so you definitely don't include his name as a middle name and you definitely don't need an abusive twat at the birth.
Personally, I wouldn't include Harrison as a middle name either.

You can legally and morally call the baby what you want.

If you think it would help him have a relationship in the future you could always compromise with a middle name that he likes. Also I'd consider how your baby might feel having a different last name to his siblings when he is older, so I'd consider his surname because of this (assuming the others have his surname) - because it isn't just his surname it's your other boys surname and belongs to them as well.

Also when I heard Harlow I thought it was a girls name (like Harleigh)

I'm not stopping him going on but if he wants nothing to do with the baby I personally can't force him nor drag him their. My other kids have my last name and his also so that isn't a problem as we double barrelled it

Harlow is a really rough town in Essex. Don't do that to anyone.
He has no right to be at the birth. Given you have to co parent three children a name you both like would be better.

He’s a twat but you made a baby with him.

That baby is also his, of course he has a say. If you didn’t want his input you shouldn’t have shagged him.

If the crap Essex town is actually a positive for you OP, have you considered Tilbury, Purfleet or Vange?

@FunOnTheBeach20 nope, controlling, abusive twats who want the child aborted don’t get a say on the name of the child they want aborted nor to be present at the birth.

It's no use saying OP's ex will try tu run her life if he's on the bc - he is presumably already on those of their two elder DC!

Arlo or Harley would be better names. Arlo is quite hipster!

I wouldn’t let him come to the birth or have a say in the name. However also Harlow is a girls name so I wouldn’t call a baby boy that either.

Harlow (Essex) is pronounced the same as Harlot (means prostitute).

I would not choose this

Harlow

Great for a labrador.

A massive disadvantage in life for a child.

Harlow (low) Harlot (lot) I have never heard harlot said like Harlow??

Maybe I'm not posh enough?

@princessraven you may well be right

That I am wrong, not that you are not posh!!

Call him whatever you want - he sounds like a prize asshole! Congratulations by the way x

Every time he brings it up say if I'd aborted him like you wanted he wouldn't need a name
For god's sake, talk about childish and petty. Do you not think the child will eventually pick up on that bitterness and negativity? What about if the OP had made plans for an abortion then changed her mind, should that be thrown back at her for years to come?
These people are co parents, how about they both try and act like mature responsible adults, move on and try and establish a respectful relationship for the sake of all their children?

@Sweetpeach3
My word!! How very rude!! ( )

@Chloe84

The birth itself is very personal and I agree he has no entitlement to be present.

But if OP believes this man should not have access to his children, two of whom are already here she should go via the appropriate legal means and not MN judge and jury.

Another one who only knows a female Harlow.

Arlo is nice for a boy though.

Never heard of a girl or boy named Harlow. Harlow is undoubtedly a shit town in Essex, why not call him Chelmsford that’s a much classier place!