To ask if you would report family to ss

[Littlebearstrousers]

So if you heard that your 8yo dn was slapped in the face by stepdad and called a "mong" (sorry hate that word but thats what was used) by stepdad. Would you still report to ss even though it was your dsis partner? Its keeping me up, only heard today

Has anyone actually ever tried to report to something to Social Services?

I have twice experienced situations which I felt should be referred to Social Services yet was met with complete indifference, passed from one department to another and no one seemed to take the issues seriously. I believed there is meant to be a simple way of reporting concerns but didn’t find it all straightforward, was I just unlucky or is it not really that simple to ‘report to Social Services’?

@frostedviolets I think you are looking at this back to front. You should refer and let the professionals decide. Your method would leave children at risk.

Call the NSPCC: 0808 800 5000.

They will advise you of the correct course of action.

Depends on the history, depends on whether it is out of character for him, depends on the age of the child, depends on the circumstances...

No, I wouldn't just call SS, but I wouldn't ignore either. I would investigate and they go with my gut feeling.

If you do nothing, you are allowing abuse

FFS your dh presumably doesn’t insult them whilst slapping their faces in play. The sister has already confirmed it happened but says it wasn’t that hard. I would report, not that hard this time, and still utterly terrifying. The hit to the face plus the insult is a real red flag... this isn’t going to be a one off.i would report. It would be awful as an adult, as a child not protected by your mother, horrific.

@Ragwort I had the same experience both as a layman years ago and a professional recently.

And this is where moral boundaries get blurred.
If it was a one off you'd let it go.
If a family member hit you just once, you'd let it go.
If a stranger came up to you in the street and hit you, would you say, "oh it was a one off, I'll let it go" or would you think "this is a violent psycho who needs stopping"

Exactly.

I would report it to the police. An adult hit a child. The police would notify SS. (I would probably also phone the child's school for good measure so they were also aware.

At some point, slightly later down the line, there would also likely be a family walk in the valleys

Report is asap.

My sister and I were regularly beaten by our mum, not a single person in our family reported it to SS, the school etc.

If you’re not willing to report it are you willing to explain to that person as an adult that you were complicit in their abuse?

I'm sorry but I'm actually really concerned about the amount of people that think reporting to SS is wrong, that you should investigate yourself and that you should be sure that slapping a child in the face (from an adult man) and call them a mong wasnt play. I mean WTAF! Yes you need to report it. Call the NSPCC and be factual with what you have been told/observed. PPs are right that this girl will grow to be an adult who may well ask why nothing was done to protect her.

I absolutely would report it.

For those suggesting they would deal with it 'within the family' and talk about giving the stepdad a bit of a beating or whatever, please hear me when I say that is the absolutely worst thing you could do.

Any consequences of this macho bollocks would fall on the child and possibly mum especially if there's domestic abuse in the relationship. It could escalate behaviour, isolate the family more and could mean that other incidents are not disclosed.

Please please please let people who know what they're doing deal with situations like this. You don't know best and you are not trained and experienced.

@blackcat86 I’m also surprised (and disgusted) by how many posters appear to be from families where using physical violence to ‘solve’ problems is normal. Their poot children growing up in that environment, it’a awful.

If my sister split up with him then I wouldn’t do anything further. Mainly because of the effect SS involvement will have on the child

However if my sister insisted on staying with him I would phone SS, yes. And tell her I had done so. Tbh I doubt SS would do much but I’d hope it would give her the scare to get rid of him

@blackcat86 why would you call NSPCC rather than SS direct? Seems like a waste of time.

Tbf im surprised more posters don’t suggest beating the crap out of him because sadly I think in real life lots of families would so that

They won’t do anything tbh - but yes.

Fucking hell.

But do you know absolutely 100% what the context was?
In what possible context is it OK to hit a child in the face and call them a mong? Can you give a single example of a situation where this would be acceptable behaviour?

Do you know absolutely 100% that it wasn't play for example?
Slapping a child and using ableist slurs is not "play".

If you don't 100% know the context then no you absolutely should not be reporting!
Wrong, wrong, wrong. If you have reason to suspect that a child is in danger, REPORT! Always. The authorities can investigate. Be assured that due to lack of funding the bar for intervention is often lower than it should be. SS aren't in the business of snatching kids. You give the benefit of the doubt to the vulnerable child, not to the potential abuser.

Seriously report this. My siblings and I were abused as children, including SA in our case. The memories were repressed for years, and my DSis and I had it all come back to haunt us since we had young DC. We started asking questions of people who knew us as children. Quite a few have said that they had concerns for our welfare; some actually knew the truth (those people haven't admitted it). But nobody took action.

You don't know what else might be happening in that home. I really wouldn't be surprised if this slap were only the tip of an iceberg.

@passthecherrycoke you can report to SS directly but the NSPCC will direct your concern to the right LA and department. I work for SS (in another area) and I like the way the NSPCC take and log info. Callers also seem to prefer them

For those concerned about the use of violence. My husband's family is not particularly pleasant, we don't have much to do with them. But if a stepdad slapped my niece, there would definitely be a violent incident to follow. I wouldn't condone it, but it would likely happen.

Christ, yes!

1. hitting a child

2. hitting a child on the head

3. verbally abusing a child

4. using vile, disablist language in that abuse

Contact SS now!

But do you know absolutely 100% what the context was? Do you know absolutely 100% that it wasn't play for example?

Tell me Frosted - in what context - even play context - is it acceptable to call any child a "mong"? And even a "playful" slap on the face is unacceptable.

Report it OP . The NSPCC will give you advice, too, if you need it.

Don't leave this child alone in an abusive situation.

This may be the first time (bad enough) or it may be one in series of escalating incidents. Don't risk it.

07:29frostedviolets

I have no idea what your definition of "playing rough" is. But, that notwithstanding calling someone, especially a child " a mong" is beyond disgusting and worth reporting itself.

I'd report. Who knows what else is being said and done.

frostedviolets: 'play'?
Strange 'game', that.

The reason people don't report things, leading to the dreadful cases we have seen in the news, is people telling themselves, or allowing themselves to be told, that they don't '100 know the context', and therefore it's 'none of their business'.

Despite all our advances as a ociety, so many people seem still to cling to a deep rooted impulse not to rock the 'family' boat. Don't we know better than that by now?

passthecherrycoke- please don't dissuade people from reporting child abuse with the "they won't do anything". In my 5 years+ role in my school not once has "nothing" been done. Not once.
As for giving the sister the choice to a) get rid of him
b) be reported
the problem is, she's probably being abused as well. Additionally, if she chooses not to dump him (which she probably will) and then you report them, the children will probably be removed for their own safety And so they fucking well should be.
I repeat: safeguarding lodestone - is the child safe now?
a) yes, then investigate why the family has been flagged
b) no, then the child is moved to a safe place.